Chapter 20
 Becoming an Assertive Citizen

If you’ve got a beef with government, say the IRS has held up your refund check for more than two months, or some techno-twit at the Department of Commerce keeps ignoring your calls and letters, you’ve come to the right place.

In this chapter, I’ll cover talking to bureaucrats on the phone in a way that will make it difficult for them to ignore you, writing a complaint letter, and making sure that you get action.

Calling on Washington, D.C. . . . Is Anybody Home?

Perhaps you’ve had an experience such as the following: You place a call to the federal government to check on something personally important to you, such as to inquire about a regulation that may affect you, to find a certain form, or to answer a question that you can’t get answered locally.

Yet, on any given day, it doesn’t seem as if anyone is home. Why is it that when you call the federal government, or state or local government for that matter, you so often get the old voice mail run-around?

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 Just the Facts
Earlier forms of the bureaucratic shuffle included phones that continually rang and no one ever answered, messages saying that the number you’d reached had been disconnected, or receptionists who couldn’t seem to get you to the right party no matter how many buttons he or she pushed.

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If you’ve been subject to the run-around even once, let alone a dozen times, you’re probably reticent to give a call to the federal government again, even for a pressing issue. Take heart, you have in your hands the formula for getting bureaucrats to respond—sometimes even the first time!

First, Get Organized

Perhaps you’re trying to correct an inaccurate wage statement, apply for a benefits program, or you simply need information. Before you assert yourself as a citizen, whether you’re dealing with the federal, state, or local government, there are some prerequisites:

1. Get a file folder for whatever documents you currently have on hand related to the issue and for whatever documents you’ll be accumulating.
   
2. Get stamps, envelopes, and Post-it pads. Get some notepaper and, obviously, a pen.
   
3. Hopefully, you have a copier and a fax machine nearby. If not, these services are available at copy shops across the country.
   
4. Before actually making the call, check the time. Give yourself 15 minutes for the call. Three to four minutes will probably be spent simply getting the right party on the line. Another three or four minutes will be your discussion of the issue you’re facing, for two or three you’ll be put on hold, and the rest will be the bureaucrat responding in some fashion. Don’t short-change yourself; you’re going to kill 15 minutes for this call any way you cut it. In fact, 15 minutes might turn out to be a bargain.
   
5. Now, prep yourself. Remember, you may not get the right party on the first try. You may get shuffled around. You may be fuming because it’s a long-distance call. But don’t. Keep focused on what it will feel like when this particular issue is resolved. Keep your eyes on the prize!

Be the First on Your Block

Okay, suppose you get a letter in the mail from a government agency, or some government benefit that you’re supposed to be receiving is not forthcoming. Before picking up that phone, there’s a little something I’d like you to do. Go to your local library and ask the reference librarian for the latest copy of the Federal Yellow Book or the Federal Executive Directory.

The Federal Yellow Book is a large volume directory of direct-dial phone numbers breaking down each federal government agency into its subagencies, department, divisions, groupings, special offices, and so forth. It also provides contact names, address, mail stops, and zip codes. It is updated annually and can be found in the reference section of any municipal or college library. The Federal Executive Directory (FED) is a viable alternative providing much of the same information.

Your task is to find the agency in question in the Federal Yellow Book or the FED. Once you find the appropriate section, copy all of the pages relating to the agency with whom you have an issue. Then bring the pages with you to your home or office and take the three or four minutes required to find the closest department, division, or office that corresponds to your current issue.

For example, if you find out that your employer of three years ago failed to list the proper amount of withholding tax for you, you would get in touch with the Social Security Administration, find the department or division in question, find a couple of key names and phone numbers, and highlight them.

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 Make It So
The most important thing to remember when dealing with any bureaucracy is to always follow up. If you mean to assert yourself in a way that will end in effective resolution for you, you have to let the party on the other end know that you intend to stick to him on this issue like a fly to flypaper.

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If you’ve received a letter from the Social Security Administration informing you of the problem, obviously you have the address and possibly the name of the person to contact. When you have an address to respond to, and an actual direct-dial phone number, consider yourself ahead of the game.

If you’re lacking a specific person’s name, a direct-dial phone number, or any other critical information for getting back in touch with this agency (to right this grievous wrong), you’ll find that the pages you’ve copied from the Federal Yellow Book will serve you well.

The Fun Begins

When you’re ready to get back in touch with the Social Security Administration (or any other federal agency, for that matter), you can use the call-mail-call approach discussed in Chapter 19, or the mail-call-mail approach. You can take your pick.

Taking the path of least resistance for openers, simply proceed as you would in any other case—send out your letter, make your call, do what you normally do to achieve resolution.

If you find that the other party is not responsive or is apparently dragging things out, use the information about the agency that you copied to great advantage.

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 Make It So
If you decide it’s necessary to go over someone’s head, try to reach someone who is as close as possible in geography to the person with whom you’re speaking. This increases the probability that mentioning the third-party name will have impact. If you can find the boss of the person to whom you’re speaking, all the better. Sometimes, the person to whom you are speaking is already listed in the Federal Yellow Book, and hence you have the name and number of his or her boss.

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The next time you have the bureaucrat on the phone, and you’re obviously being jerked around, mention that so-and-so in the office of xyz would approve of the way you’re executing your responsibilities as a civil servant. The mere fact that you can refer to someone higher up in the organization who, presumably, this underling knows or has heard of, may be all that’s necessary for you to get some responsiveness.

Remember, however, that while you may feel like you’re being jerked around, it may not be the fault of the person you’re talking to, but instead the amount of red tape that exists. Perhaps this person can’t do anything but tell you to put it in writing or fill out form x, y, or z, or call someone else. It could be the system that’s a mess, not the bureaucrat. This person may just be trying to do his job. You always have the option of asking, “May I please speak to your supervisor?”

In addition to dropping names over the phone, you can also “cc” letters—circulate copies of letters—all over creation. While this practice may get you some response, it probably won’t win you any friends and could make future dealings a bit tricky, so it’s appropriate only in the “major offense/never going to see this person again” category.

Double Your Pleasure

One technique I’ve used to get a response is to find the name of a second party within an agency, and then put both names on the address of my letter. If I’m dealing with Mr. Jones but not getting anywhere, and I happen to know that Mr. Jones reports to Ms. Withers, I address my next correspondence to Mr. Jones and Ms. Withers.

When I feel particularly affluent, I send a letter to each with both party’s names on both letters. This tells Mr. Jones that I’m perfectly capable of making end runs or going over his head. This tells Ms. Withers that I’m not the typical citizen and will not tolerate the typical runaround.

Refining Your Approach

During that same trip to the library to copy the pages of the agency with which you have an issue, consider copying the first page of all the major agencies with which you have issues. Then you can write to each agency and ask for the agency’s directory. Many agency directories are free.

Write first to the agency’s Office of Public Information and simply ask for a directory of agency personnel. It helps if you include a self-addressed mailing label. You may have to write more than once (sorry, that’s just the way government works).

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 Make It So
The more ways you can get in touch with bureaucrats— calling, mailing, faxing, e-mailing and the more proficient you are at letting bureaucrats know you can get in touch with them in a plethora of ways, the more you’ll see that they actually respond. What a country!

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The directory may cost some small sum, but in my opinion, it’s more than worth it. Once you have the agency directory, you have pretty much stacked the deck in your favor. Some listings may have fax numbers. Some may even have e-mail addresses!

Dealing with Bureaucrats 101

It may seem to you that many civil servants have been at their posts for life plus 75 years. Maybe you think they don’t have quite the same orientation to time that you have. Just remember, many civil servants are overwhelmed, and are battle-weary from having dealt with so many overly aggressive citizens who have spared no energy in conveying their wrath.

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 Handle with Care
Your strategy when dealing with bureaucrats is to always stay as eventempered and objective as possible.

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Stand in My Shoes, Man

One of the verbal strategies I’ve used and will continue to use until my dying day is to relate the issue at hand to the life of the person on the other end of the phone.

Suppose there is an error in my Social Security tabulations. Once on the phone with the appropriate party, I would say, “Gee, have you ever been in a situation where you knew that some financial information about you was incorrect and no matter what you did, it didn’t seem to get resolved?”

At one time or another everyone has “been there.” By bringing up such issues with your conversation partner, you’re likely to get a more human, action-oriented response.

And I’ll Stand in Yours

It helps tremendously if you acknowledge what you surmise to be the other person’s situation:

• “I know you’re very busy and probably don’t have the resources you need . . .”
  
• “I can appreciate what it’s like working for the federal government these days, with all the cutbacks . . .”
  
• “You’re probably under a lot of pressure all the time, and so I’m especially grateful for your assistance in helping me to . . .”
  
• “Talking with someone like you really helps restore my faith in government . . .”
  
• “I really need your assistance; I don’t have any place else to turn . . .”

It helps if you let the other party know that you’re going to do everything on your end to assist him in any way that you can. For example, if you can send duplicates of the documents at hand so he doesn’t have to do any copying once he receives them, that might make the other person’s day.

Here are some other ideas to help grease the skids:

• Faxing the documents at hand
  
• Sending along several of your own mailing labels
  
• Making a call at the other person’s request

Would You Be Willing to Receive Praise?

There’s an option for gaining the person’s cooperation that works like a dream: Ask the other party if there is a boss or superior to whom you can write a quick note in praise of this person’s efforts. You might be thinking “What drudgery. Why should I have to write a note just to get service from government that ought to be forthcoming?” The answer, my dear reader, is that you live in the real world.

In the real world, people crave appreciation. In the real world, you often have to go an extra measure in order to achieve what you want. And there’s an even more compelling reason: The brief note that you write in praise of the bureaucrat or civil servant who helps you will actually be less work than if you try to slug it out the old-fashioned way.

Think about the times you had to make follow-up calls, send follow-up letters, make follow-up copies, and so on. If you get someone on your side in a hurry and send a nice note, you may have an ally at a government agency forever. Remember, many of these people are there for a lifetime (plus 75 years).

If you’re at a loss for words, here are a few choice paragraphs that you may wish to use in your letters in praise of civil servants:

Or

If the recipient of such a letter doesn’t keel over (they probably get one like this about every 50 years) he or she is likely to make copies and send it all the way up the chain. Heck, even the cabinet level secretaries will probably get a copy. After all, they’re looking for any shred of evidence that their agency is doing something right, some of the time, for someone!

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 Handle with Care
If you fear that the person you’re writing about won’t get a copy of your letter of praise, you can always send him or her a copy. Hereafter, every time you deal with that person, you’re likely to have an edge—he or she will remember that you sent that letter.

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Even if it’s been a year or two since you’ve been in contact, you can always say, “Hi, Jim Smith, I’m the one who sent that letter praising you for helping me to accomplish xyz.” If you’re concerned that the bureaucrat will let you down in the future, having received your letter of praise, and now thinking that, “Gee, I don’t have to do any more for this guy, I’m never likely to get another letter and it’s already on record that I helped him,” fear not.

If you have to, you could always mention that you “would hate to have to write a letter that diminishes the impact of the first one.”

Getting Some Extra Mileage

There are additional uses for the nice notes that you send in praise of bureaucrats. Assuming you have a PC and that you save such letters on your hard disk, when you correspond with the agency in the future, include a copy of that letter (independent of the new issue at hand). You’ll send a clear signal: “I’m not just a typical citizen complaining about something or trying to get service. I’m someone who appreciates the assistance I receive.”

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 Make It So
You could enclose a copy of the letter you sent to one agency when dealing with other agencies on different issues. Why? Any civil servant opening your package will see that you’re a cut above the rest. (You could include a note saying “Here’s the type of praise I’m capable of giving.”) It may even prompt them to render good service to you so that they get a letter from you as well! However, they have to earn it.

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All the while, no matter how tough a son-of-a-gun you come up against when trying to resolve some personal issue, remember that the person you’re dealing with is a human being. He or she probably has a family, certainly has bills to pay, and is facing all the same stresses and strains of living in modern society that you are. A little humor in your conversation, a little empathy, and even some good cheer can work wonders.

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 Just the Facts
In his book The Human Animal, anthropologist Desmond Morris says, “No matter how far humans feel they have evolved, human instincts and behavior are and forever will be rooted in their animal past.” Despite oceans of “superficial cultural differences that divide us,” human behavior is “universal.”

 

“As long as we can smile at one another, laugh, embrace, hug, point, and nod, there’s hope for a friendly future. The more I travel the globe making observations of the language of the human body, the more optimistic I become.” This says to me that whatever your issues with people—in this case bureaucrats—you have more in common than you may acknowledge.

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Could I Get a Little Attention Here?

To further facilitate your assertiveness efforts, consider the packaging that you use to mail to the civil servant in question. Do you use an overnight express service for $8 to $10? If so, you’re wasting money. In my experience, most people do not respond to the overnight packages on the day they receive them (unless there is MONEY involved). They respond to the package a day or two later.

You’re better off using good old first-class mail.

What Does Your Envelope Look Like?

Aside from the ways you can get a message to a bureaucrat, what does your actual package look like? Consider the impact if it says “We love the federal government” on the outside of your envelope. What impact would a handwritten note, label, or sticker to that effect have on the person who receives it?

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 Just the Facts
Dave Yoho, an author and speaker from Fairfax, Virginia, put a message on his envelopes that literally said, “We love the U.S. Postal Service, that’s why we entrusted this package in their care.” Did that increase the probability that the recipient would notice his letter? Yes! In fact, the U.S. Postal Service authorities noticed and wrote a column on Dave and his envelopes in their monthly newsletter to their thousands of employees.

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Here are a variety of low-cost ideas you can implement today to help make your envelope stand out and to increase the probability of a more rapid response from the recipient:

• Affix gold stars throughout.
  
• Attach one of your kid’s stickers, for example, Barney, the Little Mermaid, or the Power Rangers.
  
• Use lots of small-denomination stamps that add up to the proper amount. For example, a 4-cent stamp, a 5-cent stamp, a 12-cent stamp, an 8-cent stamp, and a 3- cent stamp add up to 32 cents, currently the amount for a first-class, one-ounce envelope. Because you used five stamps instead of one, chances are your package will stand out from anything else the recipient got that day or that week.
  
• Use your computer and printer to create a label that says, “The U.S. federal government—the world’s best government.”

On occasion I’ve written on the outside of my envelopes such messages as, “Do not open until Thursday.” Naturally, whoever receives this is going to open it immediately because they’re curious.

The point is to make your envelope stand out from the masses.

A Package of Distinction

How about sending distinctive packaging as an alternative to normal packages? For example, you can send a letter in a tube. It’s likely to get opened right away. Or go to your local stationery store and buy some distinctive stationery. Then fold your correspondence so it fits appropriately and mail it off.

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 Make It So
Stay focused on your goal: to get some attention, get your issue resolved, and move on with as much grace and ease as possible.

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Because it’s not a standard white business envelope it will likely stand out. The recipient may be lulled into thinking they have received a greeting card from someone.

How to Communicate by Phone with a Bureaucrat

When you’re on the phone with a government representative, there are a few things you need to do to make sure that you are most effective, that you don’t run up a huge phone bill, and that you don’t wind up having to make repeat calls.

Basic Phone Tips

First, always keep a pad and pencil ready. Whenever you get a party on the line, ask the person you are speaking with to slowly repeat his or her full name, position, and direct-dial phone number, particularly if you were switched over from another party. Don’t do this in an accusatory manner. Simply do it as a matter of fact.

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 Handle with Care
When fishing for contact information by phone, always ask courteously, “Could I get your name?”, and, “What’s your direct-dial phone number?” If it’s helpful, start at the top of a blank piece of paper. Then, if you get bumped around in an agency, you can proceed downward on the page using arrows so that you know who led you to whom.

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It’s also important to let the other party know that this is a particularly nagging issue that you would like to resolve today, or at least get in motion today, so that it can be resolved shortly.

If you get bumped around an agency, you’re likely to get upset. My goal is to help you avoid getting too upset. If it turns out that you’re not speaking to the right person, spend an extra couple of seconds with this person ensuring that the next transfer will in fact put you in touch with the correct party.

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 Handle with Care
Too many people on the other end of the phone line are happy to pass you along to someone else, no matter why you called. Hence, you get to the next person, and then he passes you along to someone else. By the fourth party, you’re upset. If you’ll be a little patient and spend some extra time with the first party, chances are you can cut down the chain dramatically.

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Now, About Solving My Problem

Once you get to the right party, ask him or her how long it will take for the matter to be resolved. If it’s anything other than today, try asking, “What would it take for this to be resolved today?” If he says that’s not possible, try giving the person another timeframe (one that still works to your advantage).

Even if you continue to get resistance, this gives the other party a clear message that you intend to resolve this as quickly as possible. Whatever timeframe he does give you, write it down and say as you’re writing, “Let me just jot this down. Okay then, you’re saying that by next Tuesday we should be able to accomplish xyz.” Again, keep your tone friendly and non-accusatory.

Proceed with whatever details and conversation you feel are necessary. At the end of the call, include a summarizing sentence such as, “So then, it’s my understanding that we can accomplish xyz by so-and-so. You need to receive xyz, and I need to abc. Have I assessed the situation correctly?”

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 Make It So
Your goal is to get the people on the other end of the line to help you, not to be one of hundreds of callers who “demand service.

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If the other party says yes, conclude by saying “Okay, I’ll call you on xyz” or “You’ll receive the documents by abc.” In other words, keep the conversation pointed toward resolution, timeframes, and action!

Depending on the size of your request and how ambitious you are, you might even summarize what the other party just said or agreed to. Then send that to him in a letter or fax. This cements in his mind that you intend to follow up on the issue in ways that few others do.

More Tips for Dealing with a Bureaucrat

If it turns out that the other party needs to send you something, ask if they can do it by fax. You know how slow the mail is in general? Well, it seems like it’s even slower when you’re waiting for something from a government office.

Almost everyone has access to a fax machine. You’d be far better off having whatever it is you’re waiting for faxed to you if you really want to close the issue, rather than wait for the mail.

If you don’t have your own fax machine, have the sender send it to a local Kinko’s or Copytron. You can also try looking in the phone book under “Printer.” Find the nearest quick press near you, ask if they have fax reception capabilities, and if it costs anything to receive one. In many cases, it costs nothing or a nominal fee. Then, when you make your call to the bureaucrat, you have a fax number ready should he or she actually relent and offer to send you documentation by fax.

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 Make It So
There’s nothing like having somebody’s business card in your possession to give you that feeling of being in control when you know you’re going to have to get back in touch with them a time or two more. Having a card with all the relevant info on it is convenient.

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It’s also fitting and appropriate to ask for the other person’s business card. If they don’t have a card, ask them for an agency card, on which they can write their name, direct-dial phone number, and fax number if applicable.

If follow-up is needed or required, exchange with the other party the best days and times when each of you can be reached.

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 Handle with Care
If you leave a message on voice mail and don’t get action for a while, you may end up calling back several times anyway. So, you might as well wait for that first connection, get the other party on the phone, and get your issue at the top of the pile.

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That Pesky Voice Mail

When trying to reach your party, what should you do if you encounter voice mail on your first try? I suggest that you call back until you get the person live and on the phone.

Even if you have to hang up a couple of times, it’s worth your while. Why? It’s far too easy for someone in government to delay your request for a long, long time if you leave a message on voice mail. In fact, you might be one of dozens of callers leaving a message that day or that week. You have no idea where you are in the queue.

Closing the Conversation

As you’re about to finish the conversation, remember, the other party is facing all kinds of pressures. No matter how irritated you may be, you want to leave that person feeling at least appreciated, and at most praised. No matter how many calls it took to get to this person, how many times you had to explain the issue, or whatever other rigmarole you encountered, try to say something that leaves the other party feeling good.

Even when I’ve been totally irritated, I on occasion have been able to utter:

• “I appreciate you hearing me out.”
  
• “Thank you for being patient and staying on the line with me.”
  
• “Sorry I got a little upset—thank you for your understanding.”

If the other party has truly extended herself, close the conversation with a higher order such as:

• “I think you’re doing a valuable service.”
  
• “I’m glad I was able to connect with you. It sounds like you have a handle on the situation.”
  
• “I appreciate the time and attention you’re devoting to my concern.”
  
• “I wish I could always encounter someone as effective in listening as you.”

Same Thing, Less Bureaucracy

Pretty much all of what I’ve talked about can apply to state and local government. The exceptions are:

1. You may end up getting less of a run-around because there’s less bureaucracy involved.
   
2. The phone calls may not be long-distance.

There are many directories listing the phone numbers of state and local officials, among them:

In addition, Omnigraphics, a Michigan-based publisher, offers an amazing array of directories covering many subjects. The National Directory of Addresses, for example, contains many government phone numbers. Write to:

Having a key directory in your possession is power. Again, you only need to go to your local library and copy the appropriate pages.

In terms of local government, often the phone numbers you need are listed in the blue section of your phone book. If your phone book doesn’t have a blue government section, call your city hall. Often, they have a directory that’s free.

If there is a charge for it, if it’s nominal, go ahead and get it. Or explore the alternative ways of getting such information. For example, your local Chamber of Commerce, the League of Women Voters, and other groups around town often maintain and distribute free directories of local government officials.

Let Me Say It a Different Way

Sometimes, no matter what you do and how hard you try, you cannot get action. Weeks or even months roll by, and the issue is still unresolved. You’ve leaned over backwards, did somersaults through flaming hoops, walked over hot coals, or traversed the high wire, and still, no satisfaction.

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 Make It So
City government directories are so valuable to have on hand that even if you have no particular burning issue right now, open your phone book and make a couple calls to round these up now, while the idea is fresh in your mind. Hey, if you never use them, my hat’s off to you! But if you have to use them, you’ll be in far better shape than otherwise.

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Tell the other party that you’re prepared to go over his or her head. Here is the order in which you should proceed:

1. The boss of the party to whom you are speaking.
   
2. The boss’s boss, who might be the division or department head.
   
3. The ombudsman, a special agency official whose task it is to resolve grievances that haven’t been resolved through normal channels.
   
4. The general counsel or corporation counsel, depending on what term is used. These are the agency’s lawyers.

   Often, when you call the general counsel, and somebody from the general counsel calls the department or person with whom you’re having problems, you tend to get resolution much faster. This is because you’ve given a direct message to the party who is not cooperating that you know how to make big trouble if you have to.

   
   
5. The head of the agency. If you have an issue that is not resolved, write to the head of the agency. It may take a while before things get moving, but often they can move swiftly. Obviously, the Secretary of Labor or other cabinet-level official is not going to deal directly with your issue. In fact, it will never even get to him or her.

   It will filter back down to the party with whom you had conflict. This person will now be motivated to take care of it! Be prepared to wait it out, because it will take time for all of this to take effect. Nevertheless, if you go this route, you’ve told everybody in between that you’re through messing around.

   
   
6. The General Accounting Office. Do you realize that there is a government agency in place that does nothing but audit the practices and performance of federal agencies? Yes sir, it’s the General Accounting Office. Now don’t get me wrong, by writing to the General Accounting Office, you’re not going to get any action on your low-level issue.

   Merely introducing the notion of you going to the General Accounting Office, however, can put fear and trepidation into the hearts and minds of officials and underlings of the agency with which you’re having problems. They know that if the GAO heads their way, and finds deficiencies and incompetence, a stinging report will make its way to the President and to Congress. Budgets may be cut. Heads may roll.

   
   
7. Any federal agency hotline that may be in place. If you have a problem with the Small Business Administration, for example, try dialing 800-555-1212 and asking for the SBA hotline. In this case, you get the SBA answer desk at 800-827-5722. From there you play the voice-mail game, but it’s another entry point, another prong in your multi-pronged attack.
   
8. Congressional representatives. Going to one of your senators or congressional representatives is another possible route toward resolution. Like going to the head of the agency, however, again, be prepared to wait. Your little piddling issue, which it will look like to people at this level, must compete with the hundreds if not thousands of issues that people present to their senators and congressional representatives.

   Still, if you’re not getting resolution any other way, going to the top will provide psychological satisfaction, if not ultimately some form of resolution.

You Don’t Have to Actually Use Any of This Stuff . . .

I’ve presented all this information first so that you’d know what avenues are available to you. Knowledge is power! Fortunately, you may not have to use them. In conversation with the uncivil servant who’s blocking your path, you may wish to mention your potential use of one of these vehicles. When the other party knows that you know how to make waves, he or she may more readily capitulate.

Or, you might run into that tough son-of-a-gun who couldn’t give a flying funnel cake and seemingly remains unintimidated while on the phone. Don’t fall for the con. He or she knows that in terms of your issue, it would probably be best to get off the pot and actually do something about it.