Quiz 24
Is My Fate with My Mate?
Does your relationship seem suited for the long haul? Are you likely to be in it for better, worse, richer, poorer … you know, the whole 18 holes? If so, you’ll need more than passion and sexual attraction. Commitment and emotional intimacy are required as well.
Long-term relationships mandate a healthy dose of respect, patience, and affection. Not to mention a good sense of humor. Take the following quiz to see if your relationship has what it takes to sustain itself through life’s ups, downs, and in-betweens.
Take the Test
For each of the following statements, indicate the number of the statement that corresponds to your level of agreement or disagreement:
1. Strongly disagree
2. Somewhat disagree
3. Feel neutral or are not sure (or is inapplicable)
4. Somewhat agree
5. Strongly agree
1. My partner is my friend as well as my lover.
2. We have a lot of physical chemistry between us.
3. We share similar long-term goals.
4. I would gladly make sacrifices for my partner.
5. My partner and I enjoy traveling together.
6. My partner really understands me.
7. Our kids take priority over our relationship.
8. I find my partner beautiful/handsome.
9. I am capable of putting my partner’s happiness before my own.
10. My partner accepts my shortcomings without judgment.
11. I like my partner’s friends.
12. My partner says “yes” when he means “no.”
13. We share a similar sense of humor.
14. I feel like I do more to maintain the relationship than my partner does.
15. My partner and I are tolerant of one another’s parents, brothers, and sisters.
16. My partner is capable of putting me first.
17. We enjoy trying new things together.
18. One of us is a workaholic (or both of us are workaholics).
19. I consider my partner my soulmate.
20. We make sure we have quality time to spend together.
21. My partner’s positive attributes far outweigh her flaws.
22. I sometimes suspect my partner is hiding something important.
23. My partner is a good parent (or I believe he will be a good parent).
24. I keep many secrets from my partner.
25. If we argue, we make up quickly.
Scoring and Explanation
Before tallying your total points, be sure to reverse the score (5 = 1, 4 = 2, 3 = 3, 2 = 4, 1 = 5) for the following items: 7, 12, 14, 18, 22, 24. Remember, in reversing the score, high numbers are traded for low and vice versa. Unless you reverse the scores for the items listed—and only for the items listed—your result will be inaccurate. See the Introduction to this book for a full explanation of reverse scoring.
Tally your points:
• A score of 98-125 indicates that your relationship has definite staying power. You have a respectful, loving attitude toward your partner, and you should have many years of contentment ahead.
• A score of 85-97 means that you have a serious shot at relationship longevity, although you might have a few bumps in the road. Look at any items on which you scored 1 or 2, and resolve to explore the issues they suggest. This preventive strategy should help you to seal your fate with your mate.
• A score below 85 suggests that your relationship needs some tender loving care if it is to withstand the test of time. If you are nursing grudges or holding on to doubts, you will have to face up to what may be unspoken. But don’t panic, or “throw the baby out with the bathwater.” Reflect on what you consider are the problems in the relationship and perhaps even consider enlisting professional assistance.
Note: This quiz included two items related to parenthood. If you and your partner have children, it bodes well for the relationship if you respect one another’s parenting skills. On the other hand, it does not bode well if you both consistently ignore one another’s needs in order to put the children’s needs first. Marriage typically follows a U-shaped curve of marital happiness: newlywed contentment ebbs with the arrival of children, and then hits a nadir when a couple has adolescent children at home. But once the children leave the nest, a couple’s level of satisfaction typically rises again. Raising capable and well-adjusted children is a laudable joint endeavor, but don’t put all your eggs in the parenting basket. Once they’re launched, you and your partner still have many years of couplehood ahead.
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