Quiz 28
Am I Alone Too Much?
Perhaps you enjoy spending some quality time with one of your favorite people: you! There is nothing wrong with that. A certain amount of alone time is necessary for restorative purposes. We all need time to relax and regroup. Many creative types also find they need self-enforced solitude when they are writing, painting, composing, or simply allowing their minds to roam freely and remain open to inspiration.
That said, spending too much time by ourselves could deprive us of social support. Social support is a factor proven to decrease harmful stress. (When we respond to others with what psychologists call a tend and befriend response, we actually release feel-good hormones into our systems.) Social support also increases emotional and physical well-being, and facilitates happiness and life satisfaction.
No person is an island. We are all interdependent. Are you reaping the benefits of connection, or are you spending too much time keeping your own company?
Take the Test
For each of the following statements, indicate the number that corresponds to how frequently you behave as the statement describes:
1. Never
2. Rarely
3. Sometimes
4. Often
1. I spend time with at least one person who knows the “real” me.
2. I interact with others in a volunteer setting.
3. I make excuses to avoid social events.
4. I belong to a professional group and attend its meetings.
5. I avoid meeting new people.
6. I have called on a friend, family member, or neighbor for help in an emergency.
7. I have called a friend, family member, or neighbor when I needed cheering up.
8. I feel isolated.
9. I go a whole day without speaking to anyone.
10. People find me interesting.
11. My social contacts are superficial.
12. I keep my opinions to myself.
13. I am bored.
14. I play an organized sport.
15. I attend religious services.
16. I enjoy making people laugh.
17. I have trouble figuring out what is expected of me in social situations.
18. I spend holidays or birthdays by myself.
19. When I’m alone, I don’t know what to do with myself.
20. I belong to a book club, garden club, or other hobby-related club.
21. I feel sad that people neglect me.
22. I live with one or more pets.
23. I can always find someone to pal around with.
24. I belong to a social-action or fundraising group.
25. I wonder what happened to people I was once close to.
Scoring and Explanation
Before tallying your total points, be sure to reverse the score (4 = 1, 3 = 2, 2 = 3, 1 = 4) for the following items: 3, 5, 8, 9, 11, 12, 13, 17, 18, 19, 21, 25. Remember, in reversing the score, high numbers are traded for low and vice versa. Unless you reverse the scores for the items listed—and only for the items listed—your result will be inaccurate. See the Introduction to this book for a full explanation of reverse scoring.
Tally your points:
• A score of 50 or below suggests that you may well be spending too much time alone. Time alone, per se, is not a negative thing. Everyone requires downtime, and some people deliberately choose more solitude than others, especially if they like to pursue creative endeavors, reading, meditation, and the like. However, your score indicates that you might be spending more time alone than you wish to and than is beneficial for you.
Perhaps you are not sure what to do about your situation. If you want to break out of what may have become habitual lonely routines, think in terms of expanding your network. Put another way, think in terms of increasing your social capital. Social capital is measured by our involvement in groups, organizations, and communities that provide us with opportunities to feel a part of something greater than ourselves. Think about what interests you—from books to bowling, from plants to politics—and look for an organization that focuses on that activity. Think about how you can be useful in your community, and look for a volunteer organization that could put your skills and talents to use. Start slowly, and dip your toe back into the world of social interaction. Notice if your feelings about yourself and your life are enhanced by your new connection. If they are, you are off to a strong start you can build upon.
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