Quiz 40
Do I Know How to Say “No”?
It’s not always easy to say “no”—even when we know that “no” is the appropriate answer. Sometimes people prevail upon us to act against our own best interests. We might agree out of guilt, insecurity, or the desire to please. Or we might agree out of the simple desire to avoid confrontation.
Do you know how to say “no”? It’s time to find out.
Take the Test
For each of the following scenarios, note how likely you are to say “yes” or “no.” Keep in mind that your “no” can be a polite “no.” This is not a test of whether or not you are insensitive, but rather of whether you can resist certain kinds of social and emotional pressures when your own needs are at stake.
a. Would likely say “no”
b. Would likely say “yes”
1. You are on the telephone with a friend who is going on and on about a romantic break-up. You have many pressing commitments you must attend to. Your friend asks if it’s okay to tell you an additional “long story.” What do you answer?
2. You are overwhelmed with work when a co-worker you like asks you to help him with a task that is not within your job definition and that he should know how to accomplish on his own. What do you say?
3. A family member asks you if he can borrow a substantial sum of money. He still owes you money from the last time he borrowed some, and he has not mentioned the former loan. What do you say?
4. An out-of-town friend asks if it’s okay to bring her dog to your house when she comes to visit for the weekend. You are allergic to dogs. What do you say?
5. Your dentist’s office calls and asks if they can reschedule your checkup for the next day, as the dentist is rather busy with emergencies. You have developed a toothache and were planning to address it at your checkup. What do you say?
6. You’re on a weight-loss diet. Your mother asks you to dinner at her house, and insists that “just this once” you can cheat and have second helpings of her lasagna and homemade chocolate cake, which she made especially for you. What do you say?
7. You are good friends with both a husband and wife. One asks you to lie to the other for him so he can avoid an argument. What do you say?
8. Your boss asks you to cover for him at a convention over the weekend after assuring you that you would not have to attend. You have told your family you would take them on a camping trip. What do you say?
9. You are in a rush to get home, but you have to stop at the supermarket for a few items on your way. While in the checkout line, someone asks you if she can “just sneak ahead” with a few things. What do you say?
10. You have chaired a community-based volunteer committee for three years and it has taken a great deal of your time. You have announced your intention to step down and spend more time with your family. Everyone begs you to stay, saying there is no one as qualified as you. What do you say?
Scoring and Explanation
Tally your points:
• If you have three or more “B” responses, you are not so hot at saying “no.”
Granted, most of us can think of a few situations where we are apt to give in to a not-so-reasonable request—perhaps because the consequences of refusal would be more damaging to us than the discomfort or inconvenience of giving in. Most of us can think of a few people who might respond so negatively to our “no” (perhaps for you it is your mother, or your boss) that we’d really rather not antagonize them.
However, three or more “B” answers displays a clear pattern of capitulation that would appear to interfere with your best interests on a regular basis. You are willing to sacrifice a great deal in order to steer clear of taking a stand. You might think of yourself as a “pushover” or a “softie”: a real Mr. or Ms. Nice Guy. But others might think of you as a doormat.
Consider the worst that might happen if you took some baby steps toward affirming your boundaries and stating your limitations. Would you survive? Yes. You might step out of your comfort zone for a bit, but you would survive. And chances are, you would come to thrive as you took better care of yourself.
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