INDEX
ability,
mindset and, 81
willingness and, 70
ability and commitment, reinforcing, 152–153
acknowledging
what you're hearing, 104
inner, 114
the 6-step checklist and, 105, 140
acknowledgment and agreement, 113–114
acting as a multi-partial third party, 43–44
the 6-step checklist and, 105, 140
agreement, writing an, 159–160
agreement and acknowledgment, 113–114
aikido
aligning
the conflict partner's energy, 46
anger, noticing your own, 22
appreciation, mindset of, 31–32
asking open-ended, honest questions, 48–49
asking questions, energy and, 107
asking questions to discover new information, 44
assessing the willingness to commit, 57–58
assessments, comparing, 50
assumptions, challenging your, 44–45
attitudes that are detrimental to the process, 32–34
Auden, W. H., 90
awareness, breathing with, 88
behavior, being aware of your, 22–23
behavior style inventory, 150
behavior styles, contrasting, 50
blame,
noticing your own, 22
and conflict, 111
and justification, 113
body language, 70
inquiry and, 107
Boyatzis, Richard, 23
brain science, 51
breathing with awareness, 88
building mutually agreeable solutions, 104
building rapport in your first joint session, 132–134
catalysts, identifying conversation, 72–73
center of gravity, focusing on your, 88
centered, the concept of being, 85–86
centered and uncentered, the difference between being, 86
centered presence, 10, 24–26, 96
centered reflection, the 6–step
checklist and, 105
centered state, potential of the, 90
centering
and intention, 86
and the learning mindset, 80–90
as a choice, 86
centering, 141
the 6-step checklist and, 140
centering prompts, creating, 88–89
challenges,
reflecting on potential, 151
reflecting on, 140
resolving, 140
clarify purpose, continuing to, 115
clarity of purpose, 25–26, 97–98
clearing your mind, inquiry and, 107
commitment,
reinforcing ability and, 152–153
common-sense approach, the, 42
communicating a contrary viewpoint, 103
communication, non-verbal, 64–65
acknowledgment and, 108
communication strategies,
comparing assessments, 50
compassion, appealing to, 42
conclusions, noticing your own premature, 22
confidence, reinforcing, 140
conflict,
entering into the, 14
hours dealing with workplace, 5
internal shifts during, 58
intervening in, 3
questions leaders have about, 12–13
successful resolution of a, 35
the physical tension of, 60–61
conflict
and blame, 111
and personal power, 68
as opportunity, 13
coaching, 4
conversation, entering a, 92
in the workplace, resolving, 2
journal, keeping a, 89
resolution, learning mindset and, 13–14
skills, teaching, 151
understanding, 49
conflict energy,
using, 27
developing new, 69
conflict-management style, positive, 22
conflicts, resolving remaining, 148–151
connecting vs. resistant language, 61–64
connection, shifting from resistance to, 59–61
connection during individual sessions, 49
constructive role models, 83
contrary viewpoint, communicating a, 103
contrasting behavior styles, 50
contrasting learning styles, 50
contribution, the concept of, 112
contribution versus blame, 111–113
control, giving up, 63
conversation,
entering a conflict, 92
knowing your purpose for the, 104
conversation catalysts, identifying, 72–73
conversation openings, powerful, 146–147
conversations, difficult, 104–105
creating centering prompts, 88–89
Crum, Thomas, 7, 19, 78, 80, 87, 92
Csikszentmihalyi, Mihaly, 95
cues, picking up on social, 70
curiosity,
listening with, 46
debating, 47
defensive energy, 83
demonstrating communication strategies, 101–126
developing
development of solutions, watching the, 145
difficult conversations, 104–105
difficulties with one-on-one conflict, 91
documenting the session, 73–74
dojo, 10
Drucker, Peter, 21, 46, 68, 69
Edmondson, Amy C., 121
effective choices and conflict habits, 69–70
empathy, appealing to, 42
employee conflict, preparation for, 4
employees, praising, 83
energy,
asking questions and, 107
defensive, 83
energy and obstacles, 94
engage, questions to ask before you, 34–35
engaging the conflict partner's energy, 46
enthusiasm, building, 92
evading a situation, 42
extroversion, 50
eye contact, inquiry and, 107
facial expressions, 70
facilitator, multi-partial, 45
fixed mindset, characteristics of the, 82
Galbraith, John Kenneth, 103
goal, understanding as a, 105–106
goals, clarity of, 31
Goleman, Daniel, 23
gravity, focusing on your center of, 88
Greeny, Joseph, 39, 55, 81, 121
growth mindset, characteristics of the, 82
guiding conflict energy, 131–132
habits,
developing new conflict, 69
effective choices and conflict, 69–70
hearing, acknowledging what you're, 104
Heart at Peace concept, 91
Heen, Sheila, 108, 115–116, 118
hidden objectives to resolving conflict, 59–60
homework assignments, giving, 40
honest questions, asking, 48–49
identifying conversation catalysts, 72–73
ignoring a situation, 42
including others in the process, 160–161
individual sessions,
connection during, 49
individual sessions and asking questions, 44
inner acknowledgment, 114
the 6-step checklist and, 105, 140
instruction, personalized, 44
intention, centering and, 86
internal shifts during conflict, 58
intervening in conflict, 3
intervention,
clarifying your purpose for, 25–26
your mindset during an, 19
interventions, third-party supervisor, 22
introversion, 50
joint sessions, comparing assessments during, 50
judgment, noticing your own, 22
justification and blame, 113
ki, 1
translations of the word, 9–10
King, Martin Luther, 91
language,
learning conversation, conduct a, 102–104
learning conversation foundation, 122
learning mindset, centering and the, 80–90
learning mindset and conflict resolution, 13–14
learning style inventory, 150
learning styles, contrasting, 50
letter of agreement, creating a, 74
listening and acknowledging, 46–49
listening with full attention, inquiry and, 107
listening, non-judgmental, 44
management, dealing with conflict and, 5
meditation, 3
meeting, topics for the first joint, 133
mental behavior, being aware of your, 22–23
mind-body state, responsive, 85
mindset,
centering and the learning, 80–90
growth, 81
mindset and ability, 81
mirror neurons, 23
motivation, building, 92
motivation to change, the, 57–58
multi-partial facilitator, 45
multi-partial third party, acting as a, 43–44
multi-partial vs. neutral, 45
Myers-Briggs Type Indicator, 5
negative intent, reframing, 33–34
neutral vs. multi–partial, 45
non-judgment,
listening with, 46
non-judgmental listening, 44
non-verbal communication, 64–65
non-verbal cues, picking up on, 70
objectivity, listening with, 46
obstacles, energy and, 94
obstacles to resolving conflict, 59–60
one-on-one conflict, difficulties with, 91
open-ended questions, asking, 48–49
opportunity, conflict as, 13
optimism, getting a sense of, 65
pain, points, identifying 67
pep talks, 42
performance, working on an employee's, 67
managing conflict and, 68
personalized instruction, 44
physical behavior, being aware of your, 22–23
physical tension of conflict, the, 60–61
pleasure, finding a new path with, 67
positive conflict-management style, 22
positive mindset, having a, 21–23
possibilities for resolution, sensing, 49
possibility, mindset of, 27–28
power,
powerful conversation openings, 146–147
practices that are detrimental to the process, 32–34
praising employees, 83
premature conclusions, noticing your own, 22
presence,
process,
including others in the, 160–161
productivity, working on an employee's, 67
prompts, creating centering, 88–89
purpose for the conversation, knowing your, 104
connecting with a, 67
continuing to clarify, 115
the 6-step checklist and, 105, 140
purposes
that are not useful, 142
that are useful, 142
quality of being skills, 79
questions, individual sessions and asking, 44
leaders have about conflict, 12–13
that broaden the topic or learning, 73
that deepen the topic or learning, 73
to discover new information, asking, 44
rapport, your first joint session and building, 132–134
rapport-building sessions with employees, 22
reflecting on potential challenges, 151
reframing negative intent, 33–34
Reid, Marc, 6
reinforcing ability and commitment, 152–153
resistance to connection, shifting from, 59–61
resistant vs. connecting language, 61–64
resolution, sensing possibilities for, 49
resolving remaining conflicts, 148–151
responsive mind-body state, 85
role models, constructive, 83
role-playing, 124
roles, clarity of, 31
Schulz, Kathryn, 59
setback, acknowledging a, 31–32
Simmons, Philip, 32
skill-building sessions with employees, 22
skills,
doubting your, 32
quality of being, 79
social cues, picking up on, 70
building mutually agreeable, 104
the 6-step checklist and, 105, 140
watching the development of, 145
starting your day centered, 88
strategies, demonstrating communication, 101–126
Switzler, Al, 121
third-party supervisor interventions, 22
Thomas-Kilmann conflict mode instrument, 5
topics for the first joint meeting, 133
Ueshiba, Morihei, 7
unaddressed conflict, the costs of, 5–6
understanding as a goal, 105–106
unwillingness, the non-starter of, 61
Ury, William, 46
validation, 49
verbal cues, picking up on, 70
viewpoint, communicating a contrary, 103
What's In It For Me? (see, WIIFM)
willingness,
ability and, 70
getting a sense of, 65
willingness to commit, assessing the, 57–58
working on yourself alone, 19–37
workplace conflict, hours dealing with, 5
workplace, resolving conflict in the, 2