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Dedication
by Judy Ringer
Turn Enemies Into Allies
Cover Page
Title Page
Copyright
Dedication
CONTENTS
FOREWORD
INTRODUCTION
Why Should You Read This Book?
This Book Is a Process and a Guide
The Costs of Unaddressed Conflict
A New Approach
Aikido: The Art of Peace
The Four Phases
Getting on the Mat
Sources
PHASE 1: BOWING IN
1 WORK ON YOURSELF ALONE
Primary Purpose
A Positive Mindset
Presence, Power, and Purpose
Practices and Attitudes to Maximize Presence, Power, and Purpose
Practices and Attitudes that Are Detrimental to the Process
Before You Engage
Understand the Process
Key Points
Sources
2 ALIGN AND ENGAGE
Primary Purpose
Why Meet Individually?
Stand Side by Side
Listen and Acknowledge
Create Openings
Key Points
PHASE 2: ENTERING AND BLENDING (INDIVIDUAL SESSIONS)
3 MEASURE WILLINGNESS AND ABILITY
Primary Purpose
Assess Willingness to Commit
WIIFM
Shift from Resistance to Connection
Brain Science
Resistant Versus Connecting Language
What to Watch For
Gain Commitment: The 5 Ps
Develop Ability
Identify Conversation Catalysts
Document the Session
Key Points
Sources
4 DEVELOP POWER AND PRESENCE
Primary Purpose
Teach Centered Presence
Centering and the Learning Mindset
Teach Personal Power
Teach Clarity of Purpose
Practice
Homework Examples
Key Points
Sources
5 DEMONSTRATE COMMUNICATION STRATEGIES
Primary Purpose
Conduct a Learning Conversation
The Difficult Conversation
The 6-Step Checklist
Understanding as a Goal
Inquiry
Acknowledgment
Advocacy
Practice
Homework Examples
Key Points
Sources
PHASE 3: REDIRECTING (JOINT SESSIONS)
6 LOOK FORWARD
Primary Purpose
The Fun Part!
Is It Time?
Build Rapport: First Joint Session
Practice
Homework Examples
Key Points
Sources
7 RESOLVE, REFLECT, REINFORCE
Primary Purpose
Objectives: Resolve, Reflect, Reinforce
Powerful Conversation Openings
Logistics
Resolve, Reflect, Reinforce
Practice/Homework Examples
Key Points
Sources
PHASE 4: BOWING OUT
8 REVIEW AND FOLLOW-UP
Primary Purpose
New Life at Work
Writing an Agreement
Including Others in the Process
Follow Up and Check In
Three Possible Outcomes
Key Points
Vibrant and Joyful
APPENDIX A: BEFORE ACTION REVIEW
APPENDIX B: STYLE INSTRUMENTS
The Thomas Kilmann Conflict Mode Instrument (TKI)
The DiSC Personality Assessment
As I See Myself
Myers-Briggs Type Indicator® (MBTI®)
The Conflict Dynamics Profile
APPENDIX C: TURN ENEMIES INTO ALLIES “LITE”
Phase 1: Working on Yourself Alone
Phase 2: Individual Sessions
Phase 3: Joint Sessions
Phase 4: Review and Follow-Up
APPENDIX D: SUPPORT BETWEEN SESSIONS
Samples from Individual Sessions
Samples from Joint Sessions
APPENDIX E: 6-STEP CHECKLIST WORKSHEET
Possible Openings
APPENDIX F: SAMPLE AGREEMENT
FURTHER RESOURCES
Books
Websites, Blogs, and Videos
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
INDEX
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
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Turn Enemies Into Allies
Dedicated to Lorna Metskas
Mother, teacher, and biggest ally.
Thank you.
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