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Beware the Manipulator

Some coworkers love the manipulation game. Too often the strings they attach to friendship aren’t visible until a big blow-up lays them bare. That’s when you realize that beneath their attitude of extraordinary servitude and forbearance lays the heart of a puppeteer. One of their unspoken messages is: “If I am going to go out of my way for you, even avoid disagreeing with you, you should return the favor.”

A coworker became incensed when I disagreed with her about the origins of the English language. She insisted English was a Latin-derived language because it contained so many Latin words. It’s a Germanic language, I stressed. She told me I was dead wrong and stormed off. That rocky exchange made me realize the high price of her friendship. In exchange for it, I wasn’t supposed to disagree with her. It was too high a price for me.

The best way to handle the manipulator is with evenhandedness. Don’t go along with them because they are the nicest people in the world, or seem to be. State your honest opinion. That will expose their strings every single time.