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Demand Reciprocity

Some coworkers live according to a reverse beatitude: “It is better to receive than to give.” They expect others to accommodate them but doing the reverse seldom occurs to them.

Rafael worked for a communications company that received business books for review. A colleague who collected books for his local library often stopped by Rafael’s department to check the remainder table for extras. Rafael even held back some copies for the guy. He gleefully accepted them.

One day when Rafael was up against a deadline, he desperately needed the telephone number of a well-known researcher. He learned that the book collector would most likely have it. Rafael called him. The book collector said he too busy to look up the number. It wasn’t as if he said, “I’ll get back to you.” He completely brushed Rafael off. From that point on Rafael didn’t go out of his way to set aside books. He had assumed that reciprocity defined the relationship. But it was one way all along.

In order to build healthy relationships at work, you must insist on reciprocity. Otherwise, you will feel used.