CHAPTER 9

The Seven P’s of Personal Burnout and Transforming “Bad” Things Into “Good.” Do It.

Can you find the gift? Find it; create freedom. Use it; create power. Share it; create magic.

Sam was a “richly scheduled” high-performance leader with a full life. People loved working with him. He’d grown fast in his career hitting the executive track in record time. Consistent and effective, he was known as one of the most influential and reliable leaders in the organization.

He was at the top of his game.

He was also exhausted.

Even with substantial self-care, resilience, and IEP, years of hard work, sacrifice, long hours, great leadership, and showing up again and again had landed him in this moment of his life frustrated, lonely, and unnerved by his current state. He found himself asking, “Is this all there is?” “What’s the point?” And “How do I keep this up?”

He had people who reported to him and people he reported to; being in the middle (with a lot of responsibility to all of them) felt isolating. He’d created a beautiful life, and he had a lovely family he’d built great security for, but now instead of enjoying it, he felt an intense level of pressure to not lose it. Lack of sleep, skipping workouts and meals, nonstop thinking, and trying to please and show up well for everyone and everything had taken its toll.

To make matters worse, he’d noticed a general low vibe among his team recently and suspected he was part of it. He knew that he was contagious and that he set the tone for the people on his team. Yet despite his best efforts to reboot, bubble up, stay high vibe, and show up every day, they felt what he was feeling deep down and were matching his energy. He wanted to do something about it, but no amount of rebooting or IEP-ing seemed to be helping for sustained periods. Sam feared he was burned out and couldn’t see a way through.

What to do?

In this chapter, we’ll talk about “leadership depression” and personal burnout. I’ll share some of the most common reasons I see people get stuck in the grind, offer you powerful reframes to transform bad states and situations into good, and introduce a new way of thinking about the daunting responsibilities that come with leadership. As we navigate through all of this, we’ll solve the challenge Sam is experiencing.

Leadership Depression

Sam was not the first high-functioning leader I’ve witnessed in this situation.

There’s a reason for the saying “It’s lonely at the top.” Leadership can be lonely. The further up the ladder we go, the more opportunities and responsibilities we have, the more people look to us for guidance, and the more expectations we have imposed on us or by us. It is all that more essential that we self-manage, show up well, and be responsible for our impact and results. And we have to do this all while being authentic, vulnerable, and a model for the culture we want to create.

Additionally, as we grow in leadership, we may surpass friends, colleagues, team members, and even bosses we’ve worked with and are now responsible for leading (either formally or informally). Our interests and priorities can change, creating shifts in relationship dynamics that can be disconnecting and jarring. We may worry what our peers think, what this growth and disconnect means, or that we simply no longer fit in.

On top of this, we may find ourselves in the “middle,” reporting to a boss and clients while also having others (sometimes people who were just recently our peers) reporting to us. Issues, often sensitive and confidential, need to be handled privately and with care, which can create yet another level of isolation.

And when we’ve come to terms with all of this—recovering, rebooting, making peace with it, and owning our leadership—there’s more pressure with a never-ending list of things to delegate and do. Increasing demands for our attention, technology at every turn, a workload fit for three full-time people, and our family, staff, boss, and company looking to us for those next-level results—while it’s a privilege to lead, it can be a lot!

So we reboot. Pull it together. Find our space. Get back in there. Go . . . And then the cycle starts all over again. Over time, this scenario becomes chronic, and while our resiliency may build, the cumulation of tension, fatigue, stress, and go-go-go! can create an energy of what I’ve come to call “leadership depression.” It is a trifecta of constant pulling and internal tension combined with the deeper feelings of “What’s the point?” and “How am I supposed to keep this up?”

Not to mention the “Am I enough? Do I even know what I’m doing? And when will they all find out that I’m not and I don’t?” internal conversation. It’s a conversation that often pervades our day-to-day lives (however quietly) no matter how much we care or how good we are at what we do.

I’ve noticed that when we have enough leadership depression, isolation, and continuous cycling—without real shifts in the issues that led us into our cycles—we’re more susceptible to burnout. These cycles can provide tremendous wisdom, be catalysts for change and expansion, and are often an essential part of the growth and up-leveling processes of leadership. They serve as a “wake-up call,” leading to new awareness and shifts in being, boundaries, and goals. And they can ultimately unlock our next levels. So if you find yourself in a funk, lean in. There is growth here if you are willing to take a breath, get curious, take care of yourself, get the support you need, and do the work.

Chronic “Not-Getting-It-Done-Itis” and the Hamster Wheel

If you’re not creating the results you want, there’s a reason. It could be your thinking, wisdom in disguise, or any number of other things. And there is a reason. You’ll want to pause to consider what that is.

In the busyness of life, instead of taking a step back and assessing what’s getting in the way of progress, we often push harder, making the hamster wheel spin faster, as opposed to stepping off for a minute to assess what’s happening. The following are seven places I see people get stuck in the grind. Left unchecked, these seven can lead to leadership depression and ultimately burnout. The great news is that even being aware they’re at play can clear stuck energy and reveal the next step. Their solutions are embedded in the issue—simply flip it to work for you versus against you.

1.   Not being present to our language, framing, or the accurate reporting of the situation

2.   Not having enough information, skill, or support

3.   Not being clear on intention, the path forward, the vision, or why we’re doing it, or who we’re doing it for

4.   Simply having a bad habit of automatically assuming things will be hard or work against us (and a bad habit of negative self-talk and assumptions in general)

5.   Not truly deciding to do it (100 percent in)

6.   Adopting someone else’s vision or desire, but not really wanting it

7.   Being scared that it will be hard work, and, if successful, will create a whole other set of problems and work to be done

Once we’ve identified what factors are genuinely slowing us down, we can ask new questions, address each issue, explore how it can be easy, sort for the hidden wisdom in our resistance or procrastination, let it go, and use our superpowers to make it so.

The Seven P’s of Personal Burnout

I know people who work 60-plus hours a week, have a ton of energy, and feel great. I also know people who work their solid 40 (or less), get their yoga in every day, take vacations, and are burned out. Can you think of a time you had 100 things going on and felt energized, or 10 things going on and felt fried? What was the difference? As you look back, you might see that it wasn’t physical, but more related to your mental and emotional states.

In Contagious Culture, I wrote about “The Seven Factors of Burnout.” The first four, themed as the lack of connection to purpose, people, presence, and appreciation, have become central in many of my talks and client work. The other three, lack of safety for vulnerability and authenticity, lack of recovery time, and lack of accountability and empowerment, have also continued to hold strong, especially in the context of organizational health, teaming, and leadership hygiene.

There are nuances and builds in these that are more personal, which when addressed individually support leadership health on a deeper level. The following seven P’s of burnout invite us to tend to our personal nourishment and burnout prevention more rigorously:

1.   Lack of connection to presence and the pause. Presence is about being present in the moment, to our lives, in our bodies, and to our current reality. The pause is about taking a time-out (between projects, meetings, wins, fails, and even thoughts) to regroup, reboot, rethink, reassess, and go. Especially when we feel resistance or fatigue and especially when we think we don’t have time for it. The pause is generative and essential for leadership impact and health. In our opening story, Sam had presence but had stopped pausing. He felt there was no space to pause. It seemed the more work he did, the more people expected him to do. It was unsustainable. Familiar? This is common. So common, that I’m going to pause here to go deeper into this one. In Sam’s case he realized a few things that helped him significantly, the greatest being that when he didn’t pause, he was compromising his well-being, the quality of his work, and his impact on others. (See the “Pause” box for some of the principles that supported him in shifting.)

Sam learned that the more present he was, and the more he paused, the more intentional he could be with his team to codesign workloads and timelines and agreements up front so that things didn’t have to fall through the cracks. He also learned with this new level of presence and intention that he and the team became more efficient in their meetings. (It’s amazing how much time and energy gets saved when we stop the noise and be in the moment with what’s actually here.)

Life moves fast, and everyone has an agenda. People are not going to let you pause (not because they’re evil, but because they’re managing their own stuff), so you have to create presence and the pause for yourself. It is a choice. As hard as this can be to believe, especially when we’re in the weeds and everyone wants a piece of us, this is when we need these P’s the most. Good news, this P is the foundation for the rest of the P’s. Get this one rolling and the rest become easier.

Pause

Feel like “pausing” is impossible? You’re not alone. Here are some of the best practices I’ve found to support people in their pause:

Proactively build in your pauses. Plan for your pauses in your schedule, put them on the calendar, and communicate them with your team. For example, after a big trip, days offsite, a huge project completion, and even a vacation, schedule a “Buffer Day” the first day back. This will allow you the space to get things done, peacefully and presently, without having the external pressure of everyone’s demands. Start this day with a solid intention and a clean list of the priorities that have to be done. Then chunk them into time blocks with enough pauses built in, to support your energy. You might build a focused time block for email, a block for review of what you missed, a block for previewing the upcoming week and whatever will be needed of you, and blocks for deeper work. These blocks should be focused, uninterrupted, deep work blocks. (I build blocks of 50–90 minutes, put my phone on “do not disturb,” and dig in.) And then do your best. Breathe, pause, stay focused, and knock out as much as you can. (This may not make those 400 emails magically disappear; however, it will help you make a lovely dent in them in a focused way.)

Prepare for performance with a productive pause. This can happen in the moment, right before you “go on,” and this can also happen in preparation for a big week. One of my own personal hacks for managing this “P” is to build in a Buffer Day before a big trip or event. The “before” day is 100 percent unscheduled with only self-care, prep, acclimating to the new location or time zone, knocking out any loose ends pulling on my brain (responses, emails, etc.), and getting ready for the week/event ahead. This allows me to clear my energetic field, set my intentions, and be my best. If I set myself up well, my biggest job simply becomes to be present in the moment with each thing I do for the week. I do not allow myself to stress out about the following week, or even the next event that is not in the present moment. I trust that if I am prepared, am well-resourced (my IEP), and show up fully, each event will have exactly what it needs from me. (After all, if I’m stressing about the next, I’m not present for the current.)

Knowing I have the Buffer Day on the back end (as above) helps ease my mental energy as well as does the fact that I’ll have a 100 percent unscheduled (and also intentional) day when I return. This day will give me space and grace for self-care, taking care of my kids, tending to the little things I may have missed while gone (in the time chunks), setting the tone for re-entry, getting caught up on email (or whatever), getting myself organized and grounded for the next week, or even being totally lazy if that’s what I need.

While proactively pausing takes practice, discipline, and a bit of extra effort at first, the return on investment in time and boundaries is immeasurable and highly appreciated by my team, my performance, my output, the people I serve, and my own energetic system. This is another case of an “ounce of proactiveness is worth cleaning up two tons of mess-up later.”

Note: Despite all planning and intentions, these proactive pauses will fall apart. All the time. No problem. Breathe. Reboot. Get back in there. And do your best.

Protect your pause. Whether your pause is 1–5 minutes, 60 minutes, a day, or a week, protect it. Hold this time as the most important “appointment” ever. (It is; we’re talking about your well-being, presence, and performance.) Research has shown that we need an average of 25 minutes to return to an original task after an interruption, and that a typical office worker only gets 11 minutes between each interruption.¹ This doesn’t support productive work. I know you don’t need this stat to know how frayed our attention is, so protect it. Pause quietly for your shorter breaks (be unavailable for five minutes—it’s OK). And for the longer pauses, let the people on your team know you’ll be out and not available during this time. Direct them to cluster their requests or needs into one document you’ll review when you’re “back.” (You can also have your assistant organize this for you.) My team and I have found ToDoIst, Google Docs, and Trello very helpful for this process. Not only will this give you more space; this will help people get better and more efficient at managing their own thinking, requests, and demands of you.

Watch for overcommitting, be realistic about your workload and saying “yes,” and be conscious of how you’re training people to work with you. Have you designed a life, and a way of being and responding (“yes!”), that has trained people to expect things back right away, putting yourself on the hamster wheel, creating an insane amount of internal pressure, and eliminating any space for pausing? If yes, yay! Retrain. We train people how to treat us and ask of us; sometimes we just need to redesign and retrain.

Be nice to yourself; give yourself (and your thinking and perfection) a pause. What stories do you make up about other people’s expectations? Are all things urgent? How much time do your truly hold for focused work? How does your self-talk support you (or not) in managing your workload? What is “perfection” anyway? (Blech!) Pay attention to the mental cycles you spend shifting gears with multiple demands and tasks, worrying about being behind, letting people down, feeling bad, stressing out about stuff you can’t control, trying to do it all “right,” and letting yourself be distracted by the multitude of interruptions (social media, texts, email, and all) that pull on us daily and devour conscious pausing.

Pause, breathe, reboot. This may be the easiest to integrate immediately, and you’re already doing it in this book. Pause, breathe, and reboot every time you feel dis-ease, overwhelm, or contraction. This will increase awareness each time you do it and create a new default response (as I discussed in Chapter 8). In this moment of pausing, just be. Then question your thinking: Am I present? (Or am I fixating on past and future events, cycling on made-up stories and issues, and getting lost in self-talk and worry?) What’s here right now? What’s the next best next thing I can do to create more pleasure and internal space? (Hint: Breathe and be here now. Handled!) Pausing is a leadership muscle; build it.

2.   Lack of connection to purpose and the portal. It’s essential that we stay connected to why we’re doing what we’re doing to create impact (for the sake of what and for whom?), and also that our “why” grows with us (becoming bigger and more compelling as we lead it). Whether we’re running a big project, leading our team, navigating tricky relationship waters, addressing world hunger, or doing the dishes—purpose is valuable fuel. When we’re connected with purpose, service, and the humans we impact, our mission becomes clearer and stronger. From here, we’re not alone but rather in the portal of purpose together. Part of Sam’s challenge was that he’d disconnected from purpose, forgetting (and even outgrowing) his “why.”

3.   Lack of connection to people. In Sam’s busyness and focus on the work, he’d disconnected from the people he was leading. He’d also let his circle of friends go untapped. Not feeling seen or cared for, not seeing or caring for others, being separate and inferior or superior to others, or forgetting we’re in relationship with the people we are with, creates separation and resistance, disconnects us from love, and violates a core human need to be a part of tribe. We have to “see” each other. Our humanity frees us.

4.   Lack of connection to pleasure and pain. Sam hadn’t played in a long time, and it was only when he came to speak with me that he allowed himself to share how much pain he was actually in. Up until that point he’d been forging through. This just created more pressure and fatigue for him. Accessing pleasure—playing, acknowledging delight, appreciating the moment, celebrating wins and failures, and taking time-outs for fun—is essential for regeneration. Accessing pain and authentic emotion is just as important. In order to have our full range of experience, more of our authentic selves, and clean energetic hygiene—permission for pain and true emotion is vital. Not honoring pain and pushing through contributes to armoring up, resisting our humanity, and ultimately tiring ourselves out. Not to mention potentially hurting others (hurt people hurt people). We must make room for all of ourselves. Sometimes this gets done by simply acknowledging, caring for, and being witnessed by a good friend, and sometimes this needs more care in the form of therapy or other professional support.

5.   Lack of personal power. Sam had gotten so sucked into everything that’d happened, he’d diluted his power. This was almost instantly shifted with awareness and then action. Owning your power and being responsible for creating your outcomes and results puts you in your own driver’s seat and clears things up fast: your life, your accountability, your knowingness, your busyness, your priorities, your power. With a lack of personal power or accountability, energy gets heavy and mucky and tends to spiral, creating more of the same. Owning our power is contagious. Holding clear boundaries and taking accountability clears energy and empowers and supports others in doing the same as well.

6.   Lack of partnership with myself. Sam’s internal partnership and relationship needed a bit of tender loving care (TLC). He’d broken some of his core agreements with himself. Awareness of the broken agreements, with action to reinstate them, got him back on track almost immediately. The most important relationship we’ll ever have is the one with ourselves. My relationship with myself requires nourishment and partnership throughout my day. This means instead of making myself wrong, judging and blaming, beating myself up, being unkind, or compromising myself—I get curious, care, and tend to whatever I need. When I am present to my needs, honor my internal agreements with myself, and trust I have my own back, I am stronger for everything else.

7.   An overabundance of pleasing (others) at the compromise of oneself. Sam was quite rooted in being in service of versus pleasing the people around him; however, this one needed TLC too. In his quest to show up well everywhere, and with many of these “P’s” compromised, he’d diminished his well-being. Trying to please everyone will wipe you out fast. (Newsflash: You can’t anyway.) “Pleasing” may show up like this: putting yourself last, “sleeping when you’re dead,” compromising your desires or beliefs because they’re unpopular, giving up time for someone else’s repetitive drama, being a ragdoll for others’ demands, or being a scapegoat for another’s blame. Do not compromise your well-being or beliefs to please others. Do be in service of, support, or even help others—but let go of pleasing. (Bonus tip: Notice the difference in the energetic intention of these five things: contribute, serve, support, help, please. Which feels weakest? Strongest? Yep, embody that.) When we are operating authentically, doing our work, taking care of ourselves, and showing up clear and in ways that we are in service of what we stand for, we’re likely to disappoint at least 30 percent of the population—maybe more, maybe less. Do what’s right; honor your senses; let it go.

Not taking care of yourself, pulling all-nighters, and having poor self-care will contribute to burnout. However, when these factors are nourished, physical issues are less likely to occur because when we’re present to these seven, we’re more in tune with what we need physically and emotionally. These seven work beautifully with the organizational seven and the rest of the IEP work to combat leadership depression, exhaustion, and burnout, and to strengthen organizational and collaborative health.

Transforming “Bad” Things into “Good”

Another factor that contributes to burnout is our thinking. Any state or situation can be made into a productive gift, if we learn how to reframe, use, and partner with “bad” things for “good.” When something happens, ticks us off, or hurts, we can get stuck in dwelling on it, gathering evidence for more suffering, and spiraling down. Alternatively, we can have our authentic emotion and experience—process it, learn from it, and then find the most genuine way we can flip it to support us, create more space for wisdom and next steps, and spiral up.

For example, we might feel jealous of someone—which can cause great angst and resistance in our system. However, if we use that jealousy productively, we can transform it into a calling or a desire, learn from it, and let it grow us. We can take judgment and transform it into curiosity or discernment that helps us unearth new information and wisdom we’d have missed otherwise. We can convert the contracted state of “busy” to richly scheduled, on purpose, and even powerful if we’re conscious of our “busy,” own it, are response-able to it, and use it to help us see where we’re not managing our lives well, honoring our priorities, and tending to what we say is most important to us. (P.S.: This one is huge. Get busy with your busy. #gamechanger). What other states would you transform? Below are some of the most common I see (Figure 9.1).

FIGURE 9.1   The Spectrum of Transforming “Bad” Things into “Good”

Jealousy becomes an indicator that I desire something someone has (or has done). So whom do I need to become and what work do I need to do to create that for myself? When partnered with consciously and productively, jealousy becomes a calling or desire.

Apathy becomes an indicator that I’m not connected to this “thing” or idea. So where do I need to get curious? Where is this wisdom that this plan is a dud or that I’m not the right person to be involved? When engaged intentionally, apathy transforms into passionate unattachment or neutrality.

Anger tells me a boundary has been breached. I’m out of alignment with myself, I’m scared, or I’m hurt about something. Anger can be the push I need to stand up for myself or something I believe in. I can use it for good. Anger transformed becomes wisdom and catalyst.

Failure gives me an opportunity to see that I’ve had an impact— just not the impact I wanted. It gives me precious learning and insight into ways to do it better. Failure becomes resiliency, wisdom, and future success for something different, better, and more sound moving forward.

Burnout gives me the opportunity to pause, take stock, be honest, ask for help, connect with others, and/or hide out for a bit so I can figure out what’s truly true. It gives me the opportunity to revisit purpose, regroup, and come back stronger. Burnout becomes the next chapter.

Depression offers me a moment to lean back, get curious, be loving with myself, and see where I may be out of alignment, where my needs aren’t being met, and where I need a bit more TLC and support. Depression can become nourishment, expansion, and elevation when honored and cared for.

Grief offers me space for true emotional authenticity without timelines or expectations. It provides a space to honor what was, what’s lost, the disconnection from something meaningful, or the disappointment of betrayal. All necessary experiences to be acknowledged and cared for so they can process through and heal. On the other side of grief is strength, more of me, and joy.

Judgment gets a bad rap and yet is so essential to our survival. Judgment gifts me the opportunity to decide yes and no, to know when something is safe or not, to discern if a person is a right fit for me or my team, to make that call on my kid’s requests for doing something I don’t feel great about. Judgment partnered with productively becomes curiosity and discernment.

Procrastination is often wisdom in disguise or a sign that something is off, but our relationship with it culturally is to judge it and make it wrong. What if procrastination is wisdom? What if it’s a sign you don’t really want to do something, that you don’t have enough information, or that it’s a bad move? Or perhaps you do have a bad habit of procrastinating, and it’s time to hop to. Procrastination leaves clues. Getting curious about it turns it into a diagnostic tool for next steps. Procrastination used intentionally becomes wisdom.

And finally, in its simplest form, a no is just a “yes” to something better or more congruent.

The moment I have an awareness that there is contraction in my system and trust there is a gift to be found, I’m halfway there. If I allow myself the authentic experience, identify the state or thought I am having, and then get curious and explore, I’ll find new information.

The Energetic Xylophone

The IEP Energetic Xylophone can be handy here (Figure 9.2). The xylophone, which I wrote more about in Contagious Culture, and which I refer to in Chapter 5 of this book when discussing shifting energetic states, is one of our participants’ favorite IEP tools. Just like a musical xylophone where the vibration and quality of the sound will shift as you move up or down the instrument, the Energetic Xylophone does the same thing for shifting our energetic vibe. For example, if my energy is negative or detracting, and I’m about to lead a meeting, I will want to shift it to be positive and contributory. This has to be honest, or people will feel my incongruency. The xylophone helps us shift to the highest energetic state possible, authentically, without doing a “spiritual bypass” or “faking it till we make it”—so we can operate in a better resource state and think more productively and positively.

FIGURE 9.2   The Energetic Xylophone

For example, whatever state we’re in (say, a “3,” feeling “judgmental” and contracted) can be shifted upward to something with a higher vibration and more productive (like a “7” at “curiosity”) if we can access the energy of “curiosity” in our body (or any higher state on the xylophone). In this case, the energy of judgment shifts to the energy of curiosity, which is a more informative, expansive, enrolling, and productive place to think and engage from. From a more expansive energetic state, we also now have more access to discernment and thinking differently about the situation.

Note: Everyone’s xylophone is different. It’s your work as leader to notice what emotional and energetic states bring you to a higher, more expansive and helpful vibration (i.e., love, gratitude, curiosity, contribution, etc.) and what states create contraction and a lower vibration (i.e., blame, judgment, anger, entitlement, etc.). Learn what your states are and work with them intentionally.

Being “Response-Able” and Making a “Dent”

Responsibility can be another energy sucker that makes us feel like we have the weight of the world on our shoulders. I’ve noticed when we get caught up in being responsible for all the challenges of our life, the world, and our organization, we can become so exhausted, or even paralyzed about what to do next, that little or nothing happens. We then make it worse by stressing about it and ultimately feeling guilty about failing it. It’s a no-win.

So . . . let’s dump it.

Instead a reminder to replace “responsible” with “response-able” (being able to respond in your most present and best way possible to whatever shows up, that you can best serve, in this moment), and then make a nice “dent”:

•   Do what you can.

•   Engage with heart and honest intent.

•   Now, right now—do what feels right and is the best use of you today and in this moment.

•   Trust that it is enough. (And that by being clean here, you’ll have more energy to contribute in other ways.)

No matter how big or little the “dent” is, if your energy is clear and you’re coming from an expansive, honest, and loving place, you’re contagious. People feel it. And they’ll catch it. If your energy is not clear and you’re coming from a contracted, fearful, complaining, hopeless, scarce, manipulative, or resentful place, you’re contagious there too.

Of course, it is much easier to discern what to take responsibility for, what to respond to, and where to make the most meaningful “dents” when our intentions, energy, and presence are clear—so keep on IEP-ing.

Back to Sam . . .

In our work together, Sam addressed many of the things we’ve talked about in this chapter. None of them were complicated—most were about awareness, presence, support, and making a few changes. That being said, Sam also realized that a lot of his drive and internal stress and pressure were being created by issues that were beyond the scope of our work together. So Sam did one of the greatest things a leader can do—he got additional professional support and engaged in therapy with a highly qualified therapist to do the deeper work.

Today, I’m happy to report that Sam is still a thriving rock star (brighter than ever), and now with much more access to himself, command of his leadership, a stronger presence, and more impact to boot.

When You Need More—Get It

If you find yourself doing this work, rebooting, and all of the good stuff that goes with it, and you still sense (or know) there are deeper stressors that need attention, get support. Getting help is a leadership skill and an act of human grace.

“What if ‘bubbling up,’ eating well, exercising, reframing, finding the P’s, and all of these great tools are not enough for real true mental and emotional health? What if I can do these things, but I need more?”

This question was posed by a participant in one of our sessions. I was grateful for it. This organization had just lost someone to suicide. I knew that three of the people in the room were navigating divorces, and a few people had mentioned major life changes and losing loved ones in the past year.

So when this question came, we let out a collective breath as if to say, “OK, this just got really real.”

My response?

This work offers powerful and effective frameworks and principles to guide and support you, and not any one modality, tool, or resource is the be-all and end-all for growth, healing, behavior change, or support. The IEP Method is a framework for helping us be more intentional, create stronger leadership and accountability, have better energy and impact, and show up even more effectively in our lives.

Part of showing up well and being accountable for our leadership impact is making sure we get whatever support is necessary to heal, mend, nourish, and strengthen ourselves. This may include engaging in other bodies of work, psychological therapy, counseling, medication, and additional forms of support with professionals who specialize in the areas we need help in. Asking for help, getting support, and allowing ourselves to receive it is showing up for ourselves.

Throughout the IEP Model (as discussed in Chapter 5), there are additional resources and bodies of work that can help people go deeper and further into what they need. For example, in Quadrant 1 of Figure 9.3 (if this looks familiar, it should—it was first presented as Figure 5.4 in Chapter 5), this may mean engaging with nutrition or physical training professionals, a bodyworker, physical therapist, chiropractor, professional organizer, or physician. Or it may mean having your hormones and blood work checked—anything to make sure you are physically and environmentally well.

FIGURE 9.3   Internal and External IEP: The Four Quadrants

In Quadrant 2, in addition to the skills, superpowers, and frameworks offered in the IEP work, this may mean asking for help from friends, from a therapist or counselor, or from your Employee Assistance Program (EAP) at work. It may mean working with a coach, somatic work, Neuro-linguistic Programming (NLP), PSYCH-K^®, Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing therapy (EMDR), trauma therapy—anything to support your mental and emotional well-being.

Your Internal IEP (Quadrants 1 and 2) is the most essential to attend to in supporting your presence, impact, and well-being from the inside out. For External IEP (Quadrants 3 and 4), you might work with a presence coach, a mediator or couple’s therapist, a team facilitator, or many others. There are so many fantastic bodies of work and professionals in the world to support us whatever our needs.

We have many people that use the IEP work and also see a therapist or coach or participate in other programs to support their needs. The intention is to use the IEP framework and tools to support you in showing up for yourself and others and to create the leadership and self-care plan that works beautifully for you. Only you will know what that is because you know you best.

How can we more effectively support individual and cultural health? As leaders—and organizations as a whole—we can make it culturally OK (even celebrated) for people to ask for help. Model it. Champion it. Talk about it. Pay attention. Point your people to EAP and therapy and other modalities to honor them in being the healthiest, most connected, and most supported leaders possible. Our future, and the well-being of your organization, depends on it.

Fieldwork: Make It Real

Please go through each section of this chapter and identify one thing from each area that will support you in either navigating “leadership depression,” fatigue, and burnout or preventing it altogether. An ounce of prevention is worth a ton of cleanup. Wherever you are in every moment starts the next now. Let’s go.