SCENARIO: I run a printing firm, and we’re new in town, so I need to drum up business. I’ve joined the Chamber of Commerce and even serve on some of its committees, but it’s not bringing in very many new clients. Is there a better way to network?

I’m guessing that you started a printing business because you’re good at printing—not at passing out business cards or making “cold calls.” In fact, your efforts at marketing yourself probably seem pretty hit-or-miss right now, with a lot more misses than hits.

Surprisingly, however, it isn’t that complicated. Dr. Ivan Misner is the founder of BNI, the most successful referral organization in the world. Misner, who’s studied networking for more than 20 years, says that effective networkers either consciously or intuitively apply what he calls the VCP Process^®. Here’s how it works.

Visibility, Misner says, is the first phase of growing a relationship. Visibility is where you and another individual become aware of each other, perhaps because of your PR and advertising efforts or perhaps through someone you both know. You may become personally acquainted and work on a first-name basis, but you know little about each other.

Credibility is the quality of being reliable and worthy of confidence. Once you and your new acquaintance begin to form expectations of each other, and the expectations are fulfilled, your relationship can enter the credibility stage. If each person is confident of gaining satisfaction from the relationship, then it will continue to strengthen. Credibility grows when appointments are kept, promises are acted upon, facts are verified, and services are rendered.

Profitability is the phase of the relationship when it becomes mutually rewarding. Do both partners gain satisfaction from it? Does it maintain itself by providing benefits to both? If it doesn’t profit both partners, it probably won’t endure.

Now, here’s how to use your new skills to succeed in all three stages of Misner’s VCP Process.

THE VISIBILITY STAGE

At this point, don’t simply tell people who you are—tell them why they’ll like you and why they’ll want to be your friends or clients.

At those Chamber of Commerce meetings, for instance, remember the most important rule of all: Be interested rather than interesting. Talk about other people’s businesses more than yours. Ask smart questions about what people do, how they do it, and what marketing strategies work for them. Never, ever cut them short when they’re talking; instead, ask questions that will motivate them to say more.

Next, make other people feel felt. If they bring up problems (“the city is killing our business with that street repair project”), show that you care—even if the problems don’t affect you at all. Go out of your way to understand other people’s issues and help solve them, and you’ll impress them with your generosity.

You can also jump-start new relationships by asking transformational questions that show others that you value their intelligence. For instance, ask another business owner, “What effect do you think the redevelopment project will have on our businesses five years from now?” or “Where do you see this city’s economy going over the next decade?”

Last but not least, use the Power Thank You to create good will. If another business owner has a great idea that contributes to the success of your business or your networking organization, point it out publicly in a meeting (“Chaz saved us $500 by loaning us the tables for the art festival—an extremely generous act that helped bring the event in under budget—and he spent hours with his staff setting the tables up at 5 A.M.”). Your gratitude will create mirror neuron empathy with the other person, making that person want to reciprocate—possibly by using your firm or referring other people to you.

THE CREDIBILITY STAGE

At this stage, it’s absolutely crucial to avoid creating dissonance in your new relationship. You’re still getting to know each other, and each fact the other person learns about you assumes great importance. So present yourself honestly and accurately, don’t make false assumptions about what the other person wants or needs, and don’t make any promises you can’t keep.

Also, make the other person feel valued. Go out of your way to perform acts that aid the other person, and to acknowledge any help you receive (using a Power Thank You when it’s appropriate). If you can, be the first person in the relationship to offer a referral … and if the person refers someone to you, go to extra lengths to satisfy that client.

In short, don’t focus on what’s in it for you. Instead, focus on what’s in it for your new friend. And work very hard not to screw things up—but if you do, use the Power Apology to make amends for your mistake.

THE PROFITABILITY STAGE

When you reach this point, keep focusing on making your new contact feel interesting, valuable, and understood. However, also consider the advice I offered in Chapter 11 about ridding your life of toxic people. Typically, your new contacts will fall into three categories —givers, takers, and reciprocators—and you want to weed out the takers early on. So review your list of new contacts and focus your efforts on the givers or reciprocators while easing the takers out of the picture. Be generous with your new contacts and don’t keep score, but give priority to relationships with people who are willing to give back.

Above all, relax and let your network grow over months or years. Relationships, especially ones that lead to mutual profitability, take time, so try not to be impatient. (In fact, the more you try to speed up the process, the more you’ll turn people off.) Know, too, that it’s okay if not every relationship pans out. Sometimes you have to kiss a lot of toads before you find a prince—or a whole network of them.

  Usable Insight

Focus on “What’s in it for them?” and reciprocators will sooner or later ask, “What can I do for you?” Focus on “What’s in it for me?” and they’ll ask themselves, “How do I make this person go away?”

  Action Step

If you dread networking, ask yourself what you’ll gain from it. What’s the compelling vision that makes it worthwhile to go outside your comfort zone? Maybe it’s your goal of owning a successful business, or your plan to win a promotion. Or maybe it’s your desire to feel proud of yourself for overcoming your fears and putting yourself out there. Keep that vision firmly in front of you, and it’ll translate into commitment and action.