SCENARIO: I work in marketing, and I’d love to lure some big clients to our firm because I think that’s the fastest road to promotion. However, I have no idea how to make contact with the rich and famous. Is it even possible for a “nobody” like me to get past the layers of staffers who surround powerful people these days?

If you’re in client development, sales, or marketing, you have a tough job: getting total strangers to listen to you. That job is even tougher if you need to reach powerful people who are fiercely guarded by dozens of gatekeepers.

Cold calling and other techniques for reaching strangers are worthy of an entire book—and yes, I’m working on it right now! But in the meantime, here are a few quick tricks that can move you rapidly from six degrees of separation to zero.

CREATE ONE-ON-ONE SITUATIONS

First, use the approach I employed to introduce myself to Tom Stemberg of Staples (see Chapter 6). Powerful people frequently participate in seminars and panel discussions, and they usually call for questions at the end of their talks—so go to these meetings and ask the right questions. When you get your shot, remember that your job is to make your targets sound interesting and to ask questions they want to answer. Your goal is to make these people look good—thus creating mirror neuron empathy and encouraging them to reciprocate—so don’t blow it by trying to show off.

To increase your odds of success, attend charity benefits, book signings, or other functions where you have a chance to come face to face with a VIP. If you’re creative, you can always find a way to make this person “feel felt”—even at a very public event—and if you accomplish this, you’ll create an instant bond.

On one occasion, for instance, I was a keynote speaker at the Association of Corporate Growth’s annual conference in Beverly Hills, California. The night before the conference, speakers had a chance to meet each other at a cocktail party held at the hotel. The most successful of the speakers was Mike Heisley, the Chicago-based billionaire and owner of the NBA’s Memphis Grizzlies and a man who’s responsible for turning around many companies. Everyone clearly wanted his attention, and they formed a long line to greet him. When I met him I asked him: “What did you learn about success from your dad?”

Mike paused, proceeded to stop speaking with other people (much to their dismay), and spontaneously pulled out two chairs and invited me to sit down with him. He then started talking about how his dad taught him to make deals based on the best interest of everybody, not just his own interest. He told me, “My dad had so much faith in me to succeed without taking advantage of anyone that I wanted to honor his belief in me. My dad made me want to be a better man, and I like to think I have.”

By realizing that leaders often learn valuable lessons about how to behave (or not behave) from their parents, I’d granted Mike the opportunity to reexperience the gratitude he felt toward his dad. That warm feeling made him open to hearing from me after the conference.

MAKE VIRTUAL ALLIES

Meetings, however, aren’t the only forum in which you’re zero degrees of separation from your quarry. Thanks to the Internet, you can touch a powerful or famous person online—especially if you remember the core rule that people want to feel felt.

One way to do this occurred to me after my first book, Get Out of Your Own Way, was published. At that time, I discovered that writing a book is like having a baby: You hope it’s intelligent, attractive, and well received, but you never know. You also tend to check the reviews of your book—probably too often—to see what the world is actually saying about you. In addition, you click on blog posts and discussion groups that talk about your brainchild. I discovered first-hand the hurt feelings that an occasional negative or even mean-spirited review can create. On the other hand, when someone really understood where I was coming from, it was very uplifting.

Not long after I became aware of these narcissistic but very natural feelings, a friend sent me a copy of The Confidence Course by Parade magazine CEO Walter Anderson. My friend told me that I’d like it, and that I’d also like Walter Anderson. My friend was right. What’s more, I went to Amazon.com and noticed that no one had written a review of this wonderful book.

So I wrote the first one—not just a quick “loved it, recommend it” note, but one in which I invested time and thought. I’d learned from Walter’s book that he hadn’t enjoyed as close a relationship with his father as he would have liked. That resonated with my experience with my own dad, and I told Walter I admired how he’d demonstrated a fatherly caring for his readers when he’d never received that caring himself. My words came straight from my heart, but actually touched him deep in his. As a result, Walter and I now have a relationship.

Virtually all people—no matter how powerful—“ego surf” the Net, and there’s no gatekeeper standing between you and them online. I know it’s hard to imagine glamorous celebs or incredibly powerful business leaders sitting around in their pajamas typing their names into Google, but believe me: They do.

REACH THE GATEKEEPERS

If you’re cold calling, of course, you won’t reach a VIP easily because you’ll run into the gatekeeper blockade. That’s why it’s crucial to establish a relationship with the person whose job it is to block your path. Make that person your ally rather than your enemy, and you can reach the VIP just about any time you want.

To do that, recognize that:

   The gatekeeper is crucially important to the VIP’s success and deserves recognition.

   The gatekeeper is probably just as interesting as the VIP, and will appreciate you recognizing that.

   The gatekeeper is probably suffering from severe mirror neuron gap, because all day long he or she gets flak from disgruntled people simply for correctly doing the job of protecting the boss (who probably isn’t very grateful).

Armed with these facts, you’re ready to gain entry into many a VIP’s fortress. Take, for example, this two-minute ice-cold call I made to the assistant of one of the most powerful CEOs in America. (For obvious reasons, I’ve changed names and other identifying information.)

“Hello, is this Joanne?” I asked on the telephone.

“What?” she replied.

“Is this Joanne Nelson?” I continued.

“Who is this?” she responded.

“Is this the famous Joanne Nelson that Ted Burke wrote about and thanked in his bestseller, Leader of the Pack?” I persisted.

“Yes, WHO is this?”Joanne replied, half annoyed and half amused.

“This is Dr. Mark Goulston, I’m a psychiatrist, author, and writer and …” I started, whereupon Joanne jumped in.

“Boy! Could we use someone like you around here!” she vented.

“Relax, Joanne. It’ll be okay. Take a deep breath,” I replied in my clinical voice.

“YOU relax! YOU try dealing with a crazy person all week long,” she continued, now on a roll.

“Joanne, it’ll be okay. You have to deal with only one. I deal with a different one every hour. I hope you still have a personal life?” (I asked this question because I know that most personal assistants to powerful CEOs have little or no time for a life of their own.)

“What personal life? I don’t even have time for a real dog. I have a ceramic cocker spaniel that’s by my door,” she continued.

“Well, I understand they’re very good with children,” I continued the banter.

“Want to know his name?” she replied, not missing a beat.

“Sure,” I said.

“His name is Sit,” she answered, whereupon we both laughed.

I continued the conversation by explaining that I’d written an article I thought her boss would like and that his editor had given me this number. After our call, I wrote Ted the following letter, which I enclosed along with my article, knowing full well that Joanne would read my missive.

Dear Mr. Burke,

One of the first things I am going to do when I become rich is to hire someone like your assistant, Joanne, to protect me from people like me. She was helpful, fun, and yet guards access to you like a pit bull.

I hope she knows how valuable she is to you and that you don’t make the same mistake that I sometimes do of failing to appreciate those people who make my life possible, because I’m having to deal with those who make it impossible. If so, you of all people should know better.

Etc.

I called four days later to follow up to see if my letter had arrived, and said, “Hello, Joanne, this is Dr. Goulston again. I don’t know if you remember me; we spoke a few days ago.”

“I remember you,” Joanne replied warmly and playfully.

“I wondered if Ted had received my package,” I continued.

“Yes, Dr. Mark, we received it and I sent it on to where he is on vacation—that is, except for the letter,” she answered.

Feeling a little nervous, I interjected, “Oh?”

“Yes—I took that letter out and READ IT TO HIM over the phone!” she said triumphantly.

As a result of my call and my letter, Joanne and I have become good friends and if I want access to Ted, she’s happy to put me through.

So there you have it: several great techniques for reaching the people you thought were unreachable. All of these methods are simple (if you have enough courage). And all rely on three basic rules: Make people feel interesting, make them feel important, and above all, make them “feel felt.”

Why do they work? Because underneath the glamour and the money and the power, VIPs and their staffs—just like everyone else—are just people. And you can reach just about any person, as long as you’re willing to try.

  Usable Insight

Inside the most untouchable VIP who’s wary of being “hit on” is a person who’s aching to be touched in just the right way.

  Action Step

What person do you most admire and most want to meet? Search the Internet for locations where the person is speaking, and see if you can get an invitation. Or, if the person has a book out, use Amazon or other review sites to post a “power review” of the book. If you have a blog, use it to post your thoughts about how the person has changed your philosophy or your life. Also use social and business networking sites such as Facebook, Plaxo, LinkedIn, and Twitter to make positive comments.