Chapter 5
 Why Self-Confidence Is So Important

Everywhere you look, there are lifelong career professionals losing confidence in their ability to stay competitive in a rapidly changing society. At the same time, no one in society has a long-term lock on any market niche, and no body of information affords a strategic competitive advantage for long. The reality of our times is that everyone is feeling at least a little unsure of himself, and in that sense everyone is in the same boat.

So, in this chapter, we’ll explore the ever-vital concept of self-confidence. Whatever level of self-confidence you currently maintain, I promise that even greater potential awaits.

It’s Normal to Be Confused Today

You and your contemporaries face more challenges, more complexity, and more change than your counterparts of any other generation. No matter who you work for, including yourself, to stay competitive you have to constantly:

• Upgrade the product or service you are offering.
  
• Keep a sharp eye on ways you can innovate.
  
• Give more value to the customer.
  
• Deliver your product or service faster.

Whatever targets you or your organization serve, you can be sure that your constituents are more sophisticated or knowledgeable about substitute goods or services and, hence, more demanding.

The Unique Challenges of This Age

Your grandfather and possibly even your father, in their early twenties, learned job skills that may have served them for their entire careers. This situation is not likely available to you. As you’ve learned, the volume of new knowledge generated in every field is enormous; it easily exceeds anyone’s ability to keep pace. As a result, everyone feels under-informed, despite their absorption of an unprecedented volume of information.

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 Just the Facts
Today, an entire workforce faces the specter of living in a society in which potentially:

1. No job is secure.
   
2. No product or service has a sustained, competitive advantage.
   
3. No one can accurately predict how a new technology may impact existing markets.

In combination with the factors you read about in Chapter 2—exponential human population growth, exponential growth in information, and in some respects, the breakdown of human inter-connectedness—it’s easy to understand why you’re part of a generation that’s facing unprecedented challenges in human experience. Against such a backdrop, it’s understandable how you, I, or anyone else could feel a little shaken on occasion, if not routinely stirred.

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Social and Technical Changes You Can Count On

The following chart offers a few of the social and technical changes—the “new reality”—to which you are subject. If only one, two, or a handful of these types of changes occurred every couple of years, it would be relatively easy to take them in stride. Unfortunately, that’s not the way the future is unfolding. Soon, you’ll face more social and technical changes annually than people used to encounter in a decade.

Reality Changes

Along with tumultuous change come changes in expectations concerning how long things ought to take, how well products ought to perform, and how effective services ought to be. Once the Pandora’s Box of expectations is open, it never returns to the previous level. Hence, everyone in every profession faces increasing demands from customers—it’s enough to shake anyone’s confidence.

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 Word Power
The term Pandora’s Box springs from mythology relating to the notion that once a box, gate, door, or other structure symbolizing the introduction of change is opened, the status quo is irrevocably altered (such as a customer constantly expecting more).

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As a case in point, would you buy the world’s best TV, with super-quality, high-screen definition (with Bruce Springsteen’s 57 channels and nothing on!) if it did not come with a remote channel changer? That is, if you had to get up and change the channel by hand each time you wanted to see what else was on? My guess is that 99.9 percent of the population would not purchase such a product. So it is in all other aspects of our society.

Once a time-saving, labor-saving, complexity-reducing product or service is widely introduced, everything that came before predictably meets its demise in short order.

I am not a purveyor of doom; nevertheless, it’s unlikely you’ll be able to “coast” for the rest of your career. You’ll continually have to be in a learning mode, stay flexible, and find new ways to confidently face the future.

Don’t panic! No world leader, CEO of a multinational corporation, head of an organized religion, Nobel laureate, university chancellor, senator, or multimillionaire has got it made in the shade.

The Importance of Self-Confidence

Against such a backdrop, in many business circles there is a growing realization of the connection between:

• Self-confidence and effective decision-making
  
• Self-confidence and effective supervision
  
• Self-confidence and appropriate risk taking

The CEO of one large, multinational company believes that self-confidence is a fundamental prerequisite for his managers in today’s chaotic, ever-changing business environment. This company recently introduced a new evaluation procedure in which their key staff members are assessed according to such qualities as self-confidence, candor, courage, and openness.

Whew! And you thought getting to work on time, making quota, or filling out the monthly report were the keys to succeeding.

Increasingly, the self-confident executive is being asked to make the right choices, assemble the right team, marshal the appropriate resources, articulate his vision, and see everything through to successful completion.

A manager was once deemed worthy if he or she understood and faithfully executed the age-old functions of analysis planning, implementation, delegation, control, and so on. Today, it’s more likely that such managers are required to share power with and empower others; assume the role of follower as needed; all the while maintaining enthusiasm, energy, and confidence.

Feeling More Confident Even in the Face of Uncertainty

There’s an old story about an owner of a vegetable stand along the side of the road during the Great Depression that occurred in the U.S. throughout the 1930s. His business was doing quite well. Yet, day after day, he encountered travelers who told him to be wary because many people were out of work in the big city.

After hearing this message repeatedly, the owner cut back a little on his product offerings, lowered his prices, and reduced his business hours. Sure enough, within a few weeks, what had once been a thriving business became one that was just hanging on.

This tale illustrates how the Great Depression for some was a mindset, not an economic reality.

Opportunity Knocks

There are people who find opportunities in the face of uncertainty, and who feel more confident even as the masses are feeling less so. There’s a clever scene in the movie Peggy Sue Got Married in which Kathleen Turner as Peggy Sue tells a classmate how everything in the future gets smaller except for radios, which get much, much larger. Boom boxes were a highly visible example of a growth industry that bucked the trend for a while. Ultimately, they are being replaced by miniature systems with even greater power.

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 Make It So
Despite the rapid pace of change in society, and perhaps because of it, new opportunities are always emerging for entrepreneurs and executives as well as for people from all walks of life, including you.

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No matter how the future unfolds, keep in mind this general principle: Needs don’t disappear—they shift.

Consider the following:

• A rise in car thefts spawned a huge anti-car-theft device industry.
  
• The reduction in permanent staff has spawned a huge temporary-help industry.
  
• The rise of PCs on nearly every desktop has spawned a new generation of ergonomic office furniture.
  
• The increased threat of terrorist attacks has spawned a sales surge in portable airline luggage carts, because travelers can no longer leave their luggage unattended.
  
• The increase in divorce has spawned a huge dating-service industry.
  
• The increase in the number of families with dual working parents has spawned a huge child day-care industry.
  
• The continuing fitness craze has spawned a huge increase in sales of workout clothing and equipment.

In short, look for opportunity in change.

What About You, Shortcakes?

What do Tom Cruise, Paul Newman, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Sylvester Stallone, Robert Redford, and Dustin Hoffman, as well as movie greats from yesteryear such as Humphrey Bogart, John Garfield, and Kirk Douglas, have in common? They are all short, most standing less than 5'9". Although society tends to value the tall athletic look (like me!), these Hollywood screen actors are among Hollywood’s great action and romantic leads.

On a personal basis, what are some of the obstacles, challenges, or impediments you face that you could “turn around” and use to your advantage? For example, Spud Webb lasted more than ten years in the National Basketball Association. He was listed at 5'8" tall, but his real height is closer to 5'6". Yet he won the NBA slam dunk contest in 1986 over a field of superstars eight to 14 inches taller than he is.

The conventional wisdom in basketball at the time was that a 5'6" player simply could not compete, let alone be a slam dunk champion. Nevertheless, Webb changed the rules for himself and others, such as 5'3" Muggsy Bogues—shorter than your grandmother—who also lasted more than ten years in the NBA.

Webb, Bogues, and the growing number of shorter players who have followed compensate for their lack of height by working out and doing various exercises to build their leg muscles. They use blazing speed to drive past taller opponents. Because they are shorter, and therefore closer to the floor, their ball handling is surer. When they hunch over while driving to the basket or passing to a teammate, they force opposing taller guards to look down at an uncomfortable angle.

In the great game of life, you may be dealt a different set of cards than everyone else. However, there are ways to play those cards to your best advantage.

Building Blocks

Okay, so you don’t want to launch a new product line and you have no chance in professional sports. You’re just trying to keep your job or maybe get a raise.

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 Make It So
Eleanor Roosevelt once said, “Nobody can make you feel inferior without your consent.” The first step in feeling more confident is to assess the basis for any lack of confidence you may experience.

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If you want a promotion or a raise but are not confident that you deserve it, you’re likely to let your doubts get in your way. You may be reluctant to be assertive—to directly approach those in charge of promotions. Or you might couch your request in a vague, indirect manner, using terms like “maybe,” “if,” and “sometimes.”

A vital component in building or rebuilding self-confidence is to take a good look at the basis for your lack of confidence:

• Where does it come from?
  
• In which situations is it more of a problem?
  
• In which situations do things seem a little better?

Finding the answers to questions like these can help you dispel personal myths, emphasize positive occurrences, and begin a realistic program to build your confidence.

The Basis for Your Lack of Confidence

In your heart of hearts, when no one else is around, how do you feel about yourself, and how might that contribute to feeling less confident than you otherwise could? For example, do you think that you are:

• Too short?
  
• Too heavy?
  
• Unattractive?
  
• Unintelligent?
  
• Lacking in imagination?
  
• Lacking in creativity?
  
• Lacking in energy?
  
• In the wrong social circle?
  
• In the wrong professional circle?
  
• Lacking the proper education?
  
• Too impatient?
  
• Too easy?
  
• Too many of the items above?

Do You Believe the Ads that Say You’re Inadequate?

A major polling company surveyed a cross-section of American men and women in the 1980s. The company found that two out of every three adults in the United States report that they “fidget, fuss, take furtive glances in windows and mirrors, and study other people’s reactions to the way they look.” A solid majority of people are almost obsessed with their physical appearance. All indications—cosmetic sales, cosmetic operations, the rise of the image industry—are that this obsession has reached new heights.

While it might be hard to overcome the pull of a society that bombards you with messages that you are inadequate, the quickest way to develop rock-solid self-confidence is to determine where you shine and where you don’t.

Where Do You Shine, and Where Don’t You?

Rene Hodges (fictional) is the type of individual to whom other people readily respond. There’s something about her; perhaps it’s in her eyes or her ready smile. She’s attractive, but not a “knockout.” When you meet her, she gives you her full and undivided attention. When you’re speaking to Rene, you get the notion that at least for the moment, you are the most important person in the world. She listens to you carefully, never trying to butt in with her own comments. She waits until you’re through before responding.

Rene has a sense of self-acceptance that seems to come from a place deep within her. This self-acceptance manifests itself in the form of self-confidence. When you encounter her, you feel it immediately, and you even feel a bit more confident yourself.

No, Rene is not perfect, far from it. She has her fears and concerns, irritations and frustrations, shortcomings and blind spots. Yet you can see that she enjoys her life. She’s willing to share her experiences. There are many people like this in the world, although, unfortunately, they are too few in number.

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 Just the Facts
It was said of Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis that when she conversed with you, it was a unique experience. Ms. Onassis’ biographers and many admirers observed that one of her most outstanding traits was the ability to offer her full and undivided attention to the party with whom she was speaking.

 

“When she spoke to you,” noted one recipient of her attention, “it was as if there was no one else in the world.” This capability often made others find her immediately endearing.

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Rise and Shine

One of the secrets about radiant, self-confident people is that they know where they shine and where they don’t. Either through logical analysis or intuition, they’ve determined when and where they’re at their best and how to be at their best more of the time.

I attended a seminar in which an instructor took us through a series of visualizations. Asking us to close our eyes, she then said to think back to the times when we were vibrant, a magnet to others. This was an enjoyable exercise for me, as a number of thoughts and images came rushing forward.

I was at my best, I ruminated, in situations where I was known in advance, or where at least the other party or parties knew something about me. The room or place of encounter was well lit if inside or sunny if outside. I was dressed well; had recently worked out and, hence, was feeling quite fit; and was someplace where I wished to be as opposed to had to be.

From this simple exercise, I further identified the factors that increased the probability that I would be at my best, and, hence, more self-confident:

1. I had recently shaved (don’t laugh, many days I don’t).
   
2. I was color-coordinated (don’t laugh, most days I’m not).
   
3. A member of the opposite sex whom I found attractive attended the seminar (hey, we’re talking reality, and this is true for me).
   
4. I was prepared for dealing with subject matter with which I was comfortable.
   
5. I was not hungry or thirsty.

Where doesn’t Jeff shine? The answer to this is relatively simple—largely the reverse of the factors above. More specifically, I determined that I predictably experience low self-confidence under the following circumstances:

The presence of one or more of these factors increases the probability that I might experience self-doubt, the enemy and lack of self-confidence.

Nipping Self-Doubt in the Bud

One prominent psychologist likened self-doubt to a living death. He said it could consume so much of your energy and exuberance that you spend unending hours seeking to correct whatever supposedly isn’t working in your life. You then engage in self-management and self-improvement campaigns and are nearly left apart from yourself, constantly battling your innermost thoughts and emotions, striving for some unattainable notion of perfection.

You Shine When . . .

It’s time for you to determine where you shine and where you don’t, so that you can eradicate any self-doubt that may block your self-confidence and, hence, your ability to be assertive.

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Where Do I Shine?

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Go ahead and fill in all the blanks above. Then revisit this roster in a couple of days. Undoubtedly, you’ll think about other factors that are present when you shine.

Now, where don’t you shine? Try to make the list as long as possible. I assert that by identifying as many factors that up until now have potentially contributed to your lack of self-confidence, you’ll have a clear roadmap as to how to be more self-confident more of the time.

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Where Don’t I Shine?

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Revisit this roster in a couple of days and add any other factors you considered.

An Easy Game Plan

Your assignment is to increase the probability that those factors where you’re likely to shine are present, and to decrease the incidents of the impeding factors. Yes, it may sound simplistic, but there are deep-seeded reasons as to why you’re effective when the first set of factors are present, and why you’re not when the second set are present.

In a nutshell, if you don’t shine, say, when you’re in a large crowd, you can work on that from now until the end of your days. However, you’ll still probably never be comfortable in large crowds. If you’re far more effective on a one-to-one or small-group basis, cultivate that.

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 Make It So
You want to look for venues where enough of your “shine” factors are present so that you can be at your best more comfortably, more naturally, more of the time.

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Not in 20 More Years

In the 1996 U.S. presidential elections, Republican candidate Bob Dole proceeded under the illusion that he could be as effective in front of large crowds as incumbent Democratic challenger President Bill Clinton. Unfortunately for Dole, if he had 20 more years to practice, he probably still wouldn’t be as effective in that arena. It’s not in his nature. Rather, he could have:

• Accented his strength in dealing on a one-to-one or small-group basis.
  
• Arranged his campaign appearances to more closely ally with his ability to impact people based on his interpersonal skills and charms.
  
• Had his spin doctors and handlers set up more situations in which he met with a handful of key leaders from a community.
  
• Held one-on-one interviews.
  
• Arranged his affairs so that reporters and others sought him out, rather than attempting to barnstorm around the country as is the contemporary norm among U.S. presidential candidates.

What Do Others Observe About You?

Seek out others who know you well. Ask them where and when they think you’re at your best, and where and when they think you’re not at your best. You might be surprised by the answers, and you might gain highly valuable insights.

If you can readily accept some of the input others give you, add it to your list. If you’re not sure, check out what they’ve told you. Notice how you feel from a self-confidence standpoint the next time one of the factors that someone pointed out about you, either pro or con, is present.

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Where Others Say I Shine

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If their observation seems to hold merit, then add it to the appropriate list. If not, check it out a couple more times to be sure, and then drop it.

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Where Others Say I Don’t Shine

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How to Talk to Yourself to Create Results

Do statements like these, or anything even remotely related, ever creep into your head? If you say no, you’re lying! Abundant research shows that most people engage in negative self-talk.

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 Word Power
Self-talk is the internal dialogue—the little voice, deep inside of you—that pretty much chatters all day long. It largely influences the degree of your self-confidence and, hence, the degree of assertiveness you’re able to generate.

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Amazingly, based on some studies, the typical adult engages in negative self-talk as much as 80 percent of the time. If you’re at all typical in this respect, and I can vouch that you are, your internal dialog about what you do in life, your performances, and who you are dwells heavily on the negative, four times as much as the positive self-talk you give yourself.

The Mindset of the Confident

If I asked you right now to list ten good things that you’ve done or that have happened to you over the last ten years, could you do it? Undoubtedly, ten good accomplishments or ten good experiences represent only the tip of the iceberg of what you could name if you had total recall. For example, if you’re still in your twenties, you probably graduated from high school, perhaps from college, maybe aced some courses, and perhaps were accepted to graduate school.

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 Handle with Care
Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to develop the mindset of people who have a healthy degree of self-confidence.

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If you’re in your thirties or forties, you perhaps:

• Have brought a child into this world
  
• Have received lavish praise for something you did at work
  
• Have received a healthy promotion
  
• Maintain a nice home
  
• Are a volunteer for worthy groups
  
• Have started your own business
  
• Have attained financial security
  
• Care for your aging parents
  
• Have become involved in local politics

The point of this exercise is to illustrate that you have many victories in your life, things that you have accomplished, and honors that others have bestowed on you. People who maintain self-confidence seemingly have greater perspective, or simply better memories, than those who don’t.

All that you’ve learned in this chapter thus far will help lead you to a physical manifestation of one who appears self-confident, hence outwardly projecting confidence. This is no small feat. Kinesthetics don’t lie. If you walk and talk with confidence; stand more erect; throw your chest out; take deep, measured breaths; and, in general, appear to be confident, guess what? You tend to be more confident.

By acting the part, you increase the frequency of proceeding with confidence. There are a variety of techniques, which we’ll discuss in the next three chapters, that will enhance and accelerate your progress toward being a more self-confident person.