Chapter 12 
Ask ‘why?’, then keep asking why
All through training we had been pushed to our limits mentally and socially. But much of training was also highly physical. First fire training, crane operation, working from heights, then boat training.
Fire training? With all that cold and ice?
Fire training
The lowest temperature recorded on Earth was −89.2 °C (−128.6 °F) at Russia's Vostok Station, halfway between Davis Station and the South Pole. The highest temperature recorded at Davis Station is 8 °C, which had occurred the year I was in training. The average temperature of inland Antarctica is −57 °C.
Now, I knew that for fire to burn it needed fuel, oxygen and heat. So why all the fire training?
Humidity. Antarctica is technically a desert. It is the driest continent on Earth. It never rains, ever. It only snows. The extreme low temperatures result in near zero humidity — a big cause of cracked lips and skin among expeditioners.
There is next to no risk of anything burning outside buildings in Antarctica. It's just too cold, and there's no fuel. The huge, indeed massive, risk is within the station buildings themselves. These are heated to a balmy 23 °C by large diesel heaters that run all day, every day. Any moisture that might have been in the air from humans inside is sucked out. Any moisture inside timber frames, furniture, clothing and bedding is quickly evaporated out, leaving a highly flammable mix of combustible materials.
The fire danger is complicated by the ‘single use’ nature of the buildings. The planners cleverly designed the station to have completely separate buildings. It's better that one small building burns down leaving five unaffected than that one large building burns down leaving nothing. But each building serves a specific purpose. If we lost our accommodation building, for example, we would have nowhere to sleep, except the science labs perhaps. If we lost our food store building, we would have little food until the ship returned at the end of winter.
So indoor fire fighting is a critically essential skill, and every expeditioner is required to be fully trained. Our fire training took place over a full week and was an amazing adventure. Incredibly, after 15 years of professional firefighting I had never even used a fire extinguisher. Until day 1 of training I didn't even realise there are different fire extinguishers for different types of fires!
Monday 27th September
Today was a big day. First day of fire training and then I came home to respond to the million emails that arrived during the day. Didn't get to bed until late but it was good to stay on top of my admin. I can't believe that my expeditioners don't have email yet — but at least it cuts down the ‘noise’.
Really enjoyed the hands-on work with the fire blankets and extinguishers. And it's good to have everyone back together now their role-specific training has finished. I'm enjoying the banter and haven't noticed any strong cliques yet.
Tuesday 28th September
Day 2 of fire training and several glitches!!
First the bus almost left Ian behind and then did leave Griff and Andrew behind! Then Gina turned up and had to be sent home in a taxi … she's not on the fire team. Joy!
I had heard that the expeditioners from the other stations hadn't been trained in the right gas detectors — they were being shown units that were different from the ones on station. Tasfire said the reason was the ‘Drager’ units we were supposed to use were too complex (!!). Even though Tasfire had two of them they were reluctant to instruct us. A bit more investigation revealed the Tasfire boys simply didn't know how to use the units comprehensively, or so I was told, and I think they were too embarrassed to say so. So I stood my ground and insisted the expeditioners be trained on the type of unit they'd be using down south. And I won!
The irony is that one hour after using it we dropped it down a concrete pit and it broke! Hilarious!
But a good day learning about confined spaces.
Wednesday 29th September
Today was a tough day learning to use the breathing apparatus (BA). The BA stuff was really hard and I felt totally freaked out when I had to go into the shipping container full of fire. I almost stood myself down but lovely Eric the trainer encouraged me. Once I was inside I stopped worrying about the breathing.
The guys were all so caring and helpful and I didn't mind them showing me the ropes one iota. As I said to them, ‘it's your time to shine’. Know when to lead and know when to follow.
It was tough, pitch black, hot, uncomfortable, crawling through tunnels and up ladders — awful.
Thursday 30th September
Another big day. I pulled up very stiff and sore from yesterday's effort, several bruises. But today was tougher on my team — emotionally and physically. They were doing the actual fire fighting, I was just supervising. They were very flat at dinner and one was in tears.
We were flat-out all day and the last scenario was a debacle. The guys left the pumps unattended to help out Kirsten and consequently the water support stopped!! I felt so bad for them but it's a good experience. It's the sort of thing you want to do in training and not in Antarctica!
After the highs of yesterday the lows of today were hard. The fact that we showed so much emotion shows me they really care (or are overtired?!). I'm proud of them. I hope they never get sick of me telling them that!
Falling apart at the seams
We were becoming more and more fatigued as the fire week progressed. And this was only training! Tempers started to fray, patience ran thin and more and more errors started to occur. We reached ignition point on the last day of the week. You know that feeling of dread you get when you wake up in the morning and things haven't been going right? You turn up at work just wondering what new hell might be there for you? This was one of those days, and boy, did we have some hell! By the end of the day I and some other expeditioners were in tears, my team was fractured and I had no idea how we were going to survive the year together without a murder being committed!
Friday 1st October
A marathon day of firefighting, with lots of emotion and my first real test of leadership. The day was going well, a bit up and down until the fuel-farm scenario. Then it turned to shit. Brian and Paul were really difficult and argued with Pat till they were blue in the face, and he was the Fire Chief for this scenario. It's a command-and-control situation, dudes! Not the time to debate tactics with your commanding officer.
Then, THEY were bawled out by our instructors, at which point they reacted badly. Paul continued to debate the issue with the experts.
Two expeditioners expressed concerns about working with him in Antarctica. I spoke to him and suggested he might rethink the trip altogether. I was worried about him and the broader team as his peers appeared to lack confidence in him. If they were unwilling to work with him in Hobart what chance did we have in Antarctica? I'd been told very clearly by Richard that I had the overriding say in who was on my team. I had the power and authority to stand people down from the expedition — and it's been done before by other leaders.
Keep reminding myself that we have to live together for the next year. I need to weigh up the impact of any decision to stand him down with that in mind. What do I bloody do? I have no idea.
Spoke to Paul — he couldn't see what the fuss was about and then disengaged from the rest of us for the night. He will be back on Monday, but a lot of harm has been done. We now need to take the emotion out of it and deal with the behaviour. The expedition team also seems to be taking sides, so I need to nip that in the bud before it sets in.
It would take me all weekend to figure out what went so horribly wrong, and what had me on the verge of saying no, I won't have this person on my expedition. We were so close to the end, it would really set us back if Paul wasn't to come with us.
We had worked together virtually seamlessly now for over eight weeks. I knew we could cooperate when the pressure was off, but when the stress levels were high it seemed we became highly dysfunctional. The pressure would be on in Antarctica and I couldn't afford members of my team to go off tap. It was a nightmare.
For the first time I started to think about who these people really were.
Why we acted the way we did
Paul was a scientist. Most of the time he was quiet and thoughtful. Like all good scientists he dealt with facts and data. For him ambiguity was something to be resolved. A scientist can't confirm or reject a hypothesis based on intuition. It has to be clear, unambiguous, grounded in fact.
Pat, on the other hand, was a plumber who'd worked all over the place. He was full of energy and excitement. Pat was used to turning up in unknown situations and quickly resolving them. He would use intuition, experience and rule of thumb to get to the bottom of problems and resolve them.
For Paul, the fire training scenario of the day presented too many grey areas. He felt highly uncomfortable and wouldn't feel at ease until he had total clarity about the situation. For me and Pat and some of the others, this persistent questioning and perceived challenging of the instructors came across as stubborness.
As I reflected over the weekend I finally understood the source of the problem. It boiled down to how each of us thought, processed information, made decisions and understood the world. I could fix this for now, but we would need to develop a good strategy to harness Paul's desire for facts and to help the rest of us to avoid jumping in with obvious, but potentially wrong, solutions.
Saturday 2nd October
I had a big sleep-in today — feeling miserable. I think part of the issue is the perception that Paul argues a lot. My experience is that he's not actually arguing, he's clarifying and checking facts. His science brain needs accurate information to make sense of the world. Whereas the tradies are more hands-on — just start fixing it … they are happy with estimates.
I think I'll counsel Paul about what is more important, being correct or being right? Being ignored or being accepted and respected?…
Sunday 3rd October
Still feeling sad, although I think the solution is dawning on me. We all need to understand how we think and make decisions. I went online and took a good look at the Myers-Briggs personality types again. It was helpful to map Paul's and Pat's personalities. They are opposite ends of the personality types – Paul is highly ‘S’ and ‘T’, for sensing and thinking. Pat (and most of the other expeditioners) understand the world and make decisions with ‘N’ and ‘F’ — intuition and feeling. It's important that we all understand the differences.
Remembered the time from our ‘get to know each other’ BBQ in the early days. Baz was telling a story about somewhere he'd been, Alaska I think, and how it was so damn cold that as you put your foot into a puddle the water turned to ice. ‘It must have been at least –23’, he told us. The scientist interrupted him and said ‘Water freezes at zero, so it must have been “at least” zero’. Sigh …
Monday 4th October
Well we JUST survived fire training and I survived my first real test of leadership.
I considered all my options and in the end did what has always worked well for me in the past. I talked to each of the affected people individually and affirmed their value to the expedition. We talked through the different modes of seeing the world and making decisions and I think it was very helpful. It was the first time most of them had seen a framework like Myers-Briggs and it was amazing to see the ‘a-ha’ moments for each of them. I made sure everyone had a chance to ‘get the shit off their liver’ and tell me how it made them feel.
In the end we came through stronger, although it will still take effort for Paul to really assimilate and for us to cut him some slack when he starts up about facts and data. Empathy! To help him deal with ambiguity I've put him in charge of the social club! We'll see how that goes.
I'm proud of my team and myself. But I'm glad I had two days to get my head around the issue. No way I could have made an on-the-spot call if I'd been asked to …
Tuesday 5th October
I'm really feeling the loneliness of leadership. Even though I'm not alone in terms of personal relationships, I am alone in terms of leadership. I have to carry a fair emotional burden and this weekend was rough, pulling the team back together from the meltdown last week. I doubt I'll be able to confide in anyone on the other stations. So I think the enormity of the challenges are starting to hit me a bit. It's going to be a huge adventure and right now I have the most surreal gift but it's going to get tough. I'm envious of the friendships my people are creating, as I know I probably won't have that peer support available when I get there.
What I learned
- Understand why. When people are acting oddly, or differently from the way you'd act, ask yourself ‘why?’. We all react differently to various situations. What stresses out one person no end will not faze someone else in the slightest. Don't try to change the person; just try to understand why they are not behaving the way you expected.