Chapter 26 
Check in on your people: ask R U OK?
Back in Hobart we had been briefed on the psychological effects of being cooped up indoors 24/7, under fluorescent lights and without the ability to go outside. We learned of a syndrome referred to as ‘Big Eye — the 10-mile stare in a 10-foot room’, which describes the situation exactly.
I get toasted
People zone out: something disconnects in their brain and they become zombie-like. The Americans refer to it as ‘toasted’; in other places, it's called ‘cabin fever’. But it all boils down to pretty much the same thing. If people get in to this state it's very difficult to get them out of it without a change of environment. It's also often a precursor to depression in its many different forms. Some people become aggressive, others despondent and still others anxious. There was no way for me to tell what would happen if someone got into this state and I saw it was my role as leader to pre-empt the problem.
Monday 6th June
Really tired tonight. Suffering from Big Eye — one of the expeditioners caught me in the Mess at lunchtime, just standing there mute, staring at the blackness of the outside world. It's completely dark now, all the time.
I really thought that because I spent all my time indoors anyway it wouldn't matter to me if there was daylight or not. I sit under the indoor lights all day so I figured it would make no difference. I've spent the last three nights wide awake at 3 am. Last night I read until 5 am — I'm normally asleep by 9.30 pm! I feel like I've been hit by a bus. I need to check my people.
Tuesday 14th June
I got some bad news the other day and I just can't stop thinking about it. David, my best mate back home, was sacked from his senior government job by his Minister. They just told him, ‘It's not working out, time to go’. I caught up with him on the phone and we had a good chat about it.
This place does your head in during winter as you have no other distractions. If something is on your mind it stays on your mind all day. It's the first thing you think about and because you don't have all the normal ‘life’ decisions to make, such as what to wear to work and what to have for dinner, you just dwell on things. I've been thinking about David nonstop now for three days, wondering how he's coping, thinking about how he'll live, where he'll work. While I'm doing this, something in the back of my mind tells me that things are starting to unravel on station. Time for a fresh focus.
Midwinter
Introduction page from Davis Station's Midwinter Festival program:
Midwinter is a traditional celebration that dates back to Shackleton's and Scott's parties. The winter months for these early expeditioners were a time of inactivity due to the extreme cold and absolute darkness. Therefore, when these Antarctic heroes made it to the halfway point, Winter Solstice, it was the cause of much rejoicing and celebration.
Midwinter festivities in Antarctica celebrate the shortest day and longest night of the Antarctica year and marks the turn of the season. ‘Day’ of course is a relative term, but from here on the long polar night begins to retreat and the light starts to return to this frozen continent. And then, after another eight weeks, the sun reappears.
Davis Station has seen 45 years of Midwinter Festivities dating back to 1957, when the first group of five expeditioners celebrated. Apart from the four years Davis was closed (1965–1968), we have celebrated Midwinter every year.
We now make up the next 18 of the 816 people ever to experience Midwinter here at Davis.
This is the single biggest event of our social calendar. You can expect an amazing amount of fun, distraction and a culinary event never to be repeated. This year's menu centres around this beautiful continent we call ‘home’, and the other countries who are occupying stations during the winter months: Argentina, Australia, China, France, Germany, India, Italy, Japan, New Zealand, Norway, Russia, South Africa, United Kingdom and the United States of America.
Saturday 18th June
Last rehearsal of the play.
I'd found a play online and bought the rights to perform it. The contract negotiations were hilarious, the royalties are based on the size of the audience. I told the playwright there would be three people in the audience, one on lighting, one on sound and a general gopher. She couldn't get it, until I explained our circumstance. She is stoked! This is the first time her play has been picked up and she can now call herself an ‘intercontinental playwright’!!! We gave her a bit extra in royalties because we felt bad!
Things are all coming together for the four parties of Midwinter, and there's a great buzz around the place as we finally have something to do.
Two of the guys had been out at Bandits Hut and both came back in a bad mood. Simon went straight to his room as usual and Matt skipped rehearsal, which is unlike him. How do I explain to Simon that his bad moods affect the entire station? I think I'll relax and enjoy midwinter's and deal with it later.
More questions from kids in schools. If it wasn't in email I would tell them how bad it is to crap into a plastic bag when your bum is freezing off!
PS I've grown quite fond of the constant dark. Stockholm syndrome?
Sunday 19th June
Sharon and I snuck out to the spa today for an illicit soak. It was so relaxing and great to get away for a bit. When I came back it was obvious everyone knew where I'd been — furtive looks and a bit of body language.
The spa is open to anyone, any time, but I guess it's that scrutiny again. No one notices when anyone else has a spa but when I do it they notice who I'm with … Sigh.
So now I'm holed up in my room writing myself to sleep and wondering if, when I get back, I'll appreciate the work–home distinction for long.
Monday 20th June
A warm night! We had positive temperatures (+1 °C) and that, along with the preparations, had everyone in a good mood. I'm looking forward to wearing the midwinter's dress I bought in Hobart so long ago. God, I hope I can fit into it! Tomorrow will be a day I remember for the rest of my life.
Tuesday 21st June
Midwinter's day! Let the festivities begin.
Today we put on our play. It wasn't videotaped so there will be no objective assessment of our performance. Which is excellent! The point is, we had a great time. The benefit wasn't just in the production, it was the planning, rehearsals and preparation. It has given us a much-needed lift.
Our meal was unbelievable. Kirsten had prepared a plate for each nation represented down here this winter.
Entrees: Oysters in Balsamic Vinegar (Australia), Sushi and Sashimi (Japan), Empanadas (Argentina), Egg Rolls (China), Crocodile Skewers (Australia), Native American Galettes (USA), Pretzels (Germany).
Mains: Grilled Indian Chicken (India), Dahl with Spinach (India), Lamb Sosalies (South Africa), Baked Whole Fish (South Africa), Mussels (New Zealand), Smoked Kangaroo Fillet (Australia), Vegetable Pie (Russia), Wurst Salad (Germany), Scallops in White Wine (UK), Black Beans with Tomato Salsa (Argentina), Cheese Pies (Norway), Potatoes and Cauliflower.
Oh. And a seafood buffet with freshly thawed oysters, prawns and crayfish!
As I was eating I worked back from the food on my plate to how on earth it all got here. Kirsten must have planned this nine months ago! Crayfish? Crocodile? Kangaroo? Amazing.
A couple of people got very drunk tonight but those of us more moderate kept a good eye on proceedings. No harm, no foul.
Well, not quite …
Wednesday 22nd June
One of the gang wrote me a lovely apology today after he fell off the coffee table and cracked a rib! He is such a sincere man and he feels awful. Whatever I say to him isn't a patch on what he says to himself, poor bugger.
Midwinter swim
A long tradition for winterers is the midwinter swim. Yes, that's right. We planned to strip down to our swimwear in sub-zero temperatures and plunge through a hole dug in the ice for a swim. I was petrified but absolutely determined. I spoke to Doc and he was well prepared. The spa, which had gone mostly unused up to now, was set to 40 °C. The defibrillator was on standby, and the ute would be running with the heater on full blast ready to ferry us straight to the spa. I could hear the sound of chainsaws outside as three of the guys cut a small swimming pool in the ice.
I reflected on our planned swim. Yes, there was an element of danger, and it wouldn't be something you would get away with in a normal workplace. By now I had reached a happy level of comfort with the ambiguity between what was acceptable at work and at home. My people had too. Up to now we had tiptoed along that line. We made sure we had good fun times, but did so safely and with great respect for each other. I prayed that it wouldn't backfire on us this time!
Friday 24th June
What an up-and-down day. I had a run-in with John in Hobart who wanted to ‘raise some concerns’ about the midwinter swim. I was busy and not interested in playing guessing games so was forthright in my response. ‘Sure, tell me exactly what your concerns are.’ I didn't have time today for riddles. I still don't know what John wanted me to do. But if he tries it again I will be clear. Come to me with issues to solve and solutions you have already thought of. Don't come to me with vague worries.
Then the day became great as we went for our swim. Luckily it was a balmy −13°C. After stripping off to my two-piece swimmers I jumped in and went right under. The water didn't seem that cold as I was only in for a few seconds. But when I got out!!! Holy crapoly!!!! They quickly wrapped me up in thermals, put me in the warm ute and whisked me up to the spa. It took me 30 minutes to stop shivering.
I feel a bit proud that I went all the way under. Some of the others didn't put their head in. The only reason I did it was that for me it'd be like going to Rome and NOT throwing a coin in the Trevi fountain. It's just what you do. I didn't know if I'd ever get back to Antarctica so, as always, I didn't want to regret missing the opportunity. I'd rather regret what I did than regret what I didn't do.
What I learned
- Ask R U OK? Look after the whole person by checking in on them personally. More times than you expect, the answer will be ‘no’. Be prepared to back it up with a listening ear and empathy.