Chapter 25 
Find a reason, any reason, to celebrate
When you're away from home for a year you miss a lot of things. Christmas, Easter and birthdays without friends and family and without easy access to today's communication tools such as Skype and social media — we really felt it. That's why we made a special effort to celebrate among ourselves.
Families and friends missed
The traditional celebrations were usually quite difficult and our first major event for winter was our Easter Sunday dinner.
Sunday 27th March
Easter Sunday.
Spent most of the day in bed, feeling morose, sleeping and reading. Mum and Dad were away at Gary's house and Jane and Ben were also not around. I didn't have anyone to ring.
I was more homesick today than at Christmas. I don't know why. I was missing everyone, and dealing with the constant people issues is taking its toll on me.
I asked Howie to say a few words at dinner tonight. He started to say he'd opened the package from his kids and then he broke down and just complimented Kirsten on the amazing food. I imagine he's doing it tough like some of the others. I know Matt is wishing he was anywhere but here at the moment. He applied for a six-month term but was persuaded into taking on 12 months. He'd figured 12 months wasn't that different from six. How wrong, as we can all now understand. I can't really do much to help him but I'll keep an eye on him. I guess I just need to convince him that since he's here now, and he can't go home, why not just make the most of it and try to enjoy his time here.
PS The feeling of isolation runs through the entire station.
PPS I hadn't realised how critical the role of chef is — food really gives us something to look forward to.
If in doubt, make something up
Apart from the obvious days, we used every occasion as an excuse to celebrate, to take the edge off the isolation and boredom. Antarctica has some historic special days, such as Midwinter's Day when the tradition is to go for a swim in the ocean! When there was nothing on the calendar I made reasons up, such as the day when the sun was up exactly 12 hours, the day the sun finally disappeared and then the day it came back! Sometimes I had to dig deep: 50 days without the server going down or 30 days since the last power outage. These markers might not sound important, and in themselves they weren't, but in the absence of anything else going on, they spurred the troops and made a nice opportunity to break up the monotony.
Monday 25th April
Anzac Day. What a great day! I really enjoyed it. We slept in then had the dawn service at 10.30 as the sun peeped over the ridge. Our minute's silence was broken by the loud farting of an elephant seal who had come by to see what the activity was about. It was hard to keep a straight face! Apart from that particular noise, it was the quietest moment I had ever had in my life. There was no wind, no traffic noise, no background city hum. I could hear my own heart beating.
It was such an Antarctic moment standing there remembering our diggers in −21 °C, our breath freezing into little ice crystals.
We had a BBQ in the green store, then Sharon, Chris and I hiked out across the sea ice to Gardner Island, a cruisey 8-kilometre walk.
The blocked sewer is causing an enormous amount of interest. Not because it's blocked but because when the blockage was removed it contained used condoms. Everyone's scratching their heads tonight and looking slyly at each other … I have no idea.
I've been involved in many long, long projects in my time and am constantly talking with people whose next project milestone is months or years away. In many ways this is not unlike the Antarctic winter. In these situations it's critical to maintain momentum by finding reasons to celebrate, then celebrating with abandon!
Saturday 7th May
Birthday!
Thirty-six. It used to sound older than it sounds now. I woke up tired from my up-and-down emotions. Jane was first to ring and she made me laugh a lot, which was a great start to the day. I went downstairs and the troops had gone to a huge effort decorating. Balloons, streamers, Happy Birthday signs. After breakfast the family rang and it felt really good to connect again. A special surprise was that Mark Stone from Parks Victoria rang from his car on the way to the footy.
Everyone dressed up for the party, ’80s theme … Just my style! Enjoyed the Nutbush and Bus Stop, the B52s and Brandy Alexanders! Chris insisted on a Fluffy Duck cocktail. Didn't think it was his style!
Had a hilarious conversation with Dad tonight. ‘So, did you have a party?’ ‘Yes Dad.’ ‘How many people came?’ Hmmm … if there were fewer than 18 I would have been slightly worried; if there were more I would have been mightily shocked!
Time for a holiday
We were now six months into our year. Halfway through, and I realised that apart from sleeping I hadn't been off duty for more than four hours in that entire period. I was worn out, strung out and the consistent and escalating ‘people issues’ had drained my emotional tank. Half of the time when people came to me with a request or complaint I would first think, ‘Why don't you just go away and leave me alone’. The strain of keeping my emotions steady over six long months had taken its toll.
I knew I needed a break. I had to get away from it all, get some peace and quiet and do some things I wanted to do. I dreamed of collecting the $158 000 it would take for the AAD to launch a rescue mission to take me away to a tropical island for a week! In another three weeks even that window would be closed as the continent became completely unreachable by land, sea or air, or any combination of the above.
I knew that despite my best efforts, I could never truly be alone. The conditions dictated this. Even walking 1 kilometre from the station on your own wasn't possible — there were too many hazards. So I organised a trip up to the plateau and chose just two people to come along. I figured a party of three might give me the break I needed. Fewer than three and I would need to engage in conversation. More than three and there would be two sets of conversations going, and that would do my head in.
Sunday 1st May
I'm just back from a week-long holiday and it was just wonderful. I wanted to go to Fiji but didn't have the budget (!!). Sharon was a great trip leader and I loved being out there. Riding along on my quad bike towards the plateau with a big smile on my face will be a lifelong memory.
I got a real sense of our vulnerability out there. We were a long way from help if anything went wrong, especially with my record on quad bikes! Seeing the snow petrels was amazing. They are simply gorgeous. Brookes Hut is big and we all slept well, but it took three hours to heat it up to be warm enough to get out of our gear. I will never live down putting snow in Kirsten's tea thinking it was sugar! It was sitting there in a container??
We just sat around and talked. After an hour I tuned out and enjoyed the space. Being able to sit in one place without the phone ringing or someone putting their head in the door was pure bliss.
Out on the ice I found going to the toilet in −25 °C really tricky. But brushing my teeth was a whole new experience. The toothpaste was frozen and as I put water on the toothbrush it instantly froze as well! Sharon showed me a great method of keeping my toothpaste inside my coat and brushing my teeth inside a balaclava!
I reckon I've conquered the quad bikes now. Driving them through snow drifts I got bogged four times on the first day but by the third I was sliding through like a pro. I also worked out pretty quickly that if you relax your arms and legs when you go over a bump it's a smooth ride. Just like riding a horse, Sharon reckons.
On the way back we spotted some emperor penguins getting ready for winter. We stopped about 800 metres away and dropped to our knees. Sure enough, they spotted us and came bustling over as fast as their legs could carry them. It was a funny sight, they were as excited as we were! They squawked and squeaked, came up very close and had a good sticky beak at us.
My feet were freezing the whole time. At one point my fingers were aching so much from the cold I quickly whipped them out to clap my hands together. In all they were out of my glove for three seconds. And I got frostbite! Very minor, but I have no sense of feeling in my fingertips, even now I'm back home and fully warmed up. I wonder how long before I can feel properly again?? Will go see Doc tomorrow to see what he says.
I have never felt so free and lucky and happy to be alive. This place is spectacular, special, unique and invigorating.
It didn't take long for people to notice I'm back and it seems like they've saved up all their questions! But I met them with good humour, I'm relaxed and refreshed. It's done me good, this holiday.
Caring for our physical selves
I can't begin to imagine what it would have been like if something had happened to Doc. He was the only one on station with any medical training. Our lives literally depended on him staying well, both physically and emotionally. Well, we did have two other doctors with us over winter, but I don't think a doctorate in optical physics would be much use in a surgery!
To support Doc if he ever needed to perform an operation, a couple of our people had done some basic training back in Hobart. Our carpenter had his two weeks’ training as a ‘theatre nurse’. Being at the ready with suction and scalpel while ensuring a sterile operating environment was a big call after just two weeks, nearly a year ago!
Also in the theatre was Ian, one of our IT guys. His day-to-day role was to keep the servers running, do our backups, troubleshoot and fix broken laptops, and maintain our phone system. His role in the theatre, again with just two weeks’ training under his belt, was ‘anaesthetic assistant’. We laughed at this one … who better to put you to sleep than the IT guy, hey?
So we really, desperately hoped that no one would need surgery, but inevitably the time came. And it wasn't a broken leg or something simple. It was a bad tooth. Despite the best medical checks and a thorough examination of our teeth before leaving Hobart, Simon had developed a very nasty problem with one of his molars. It was an extraction job. And our doctor wasn't a dentist.
Doc spent two days on the phone with various people who talked him through the extraction operation. He took x-rays, scanned them and emailed them off to our support team, who provided a diagnosis and outlined the operation.
At 7.15 am Simon went into surgery.
Saturday 4th June
Doc spent four hours working on him this morning trying to get his tooth out. JR and Ian came out looking shattered at lunchtime. I don't think they were expecting all the blood. It turns out the tooth broke off just below the surface just before lunch so Doc called a break so everyone could have a bit of a rest.
He tried again in the afternoon for several hours but to no avail. You realise just how vulnerable we are down here at times like this. Simon was crying, not from pain, but just from not wanting to be here when he was sick I think … oh, and eight hours wide-awake surgery with his mouth clamped open and still no result!
I imagine he is also thinking about if Doc can't get the tooth out he will have to suffer for another five months before he can get to an oral surgeon. It must be a pretty depressing thought.
Doc was great and you realise what pressure he is under at times. He has a very quiet existence for most of the time but when he works he really works! It's tough on him as he hasn't got all of the specialist skills like dentistry, but he's all we've got and we back him 100%. If anyone can do it, Doc can.
Doc worked his magic on Simon's tooth the next day and we all breathed a big sigh of relief.
The impact of the cold and dryness we experienced in summer paled in comparison to what we experienced in winter. At the beginning of winter we were still making quick trips outside to do some cross-country skiing (not far from the station) or to ride the quad bikes to one of the outer buildings. By late autumn the air temperature routinely dipped to −30°C, with an apparent temperature of −55°C when the wind chill was taken into account.
Tuesday 24th May
We went out to Ellis Narrows today to check on some equipment. Halfway across the defogger on my helmet stopped working so I had to ride with my visor up. The cold wind was hitting me directly in the forehead and that, combined with the temperature, hit me hard. I got the worst ice-cream headache imaginable. I ended up so cold I had to stop the bike and vomit. I didn't realise the two were related until I spoke to Sharon and she said she was almost sick as well. It's now 9 pm, eight hours later, and I still have the headache. Another thing that wasn't in the brochure!!
Nor were the burst blood vessels in the eyes.
The things they don't tell us, or don't know themselves, back in training. My fingers are still sensitive and a bit numb from the cold. I spent 15 minutes with the shower on full-hot when I got back. My skin was absolutely white and my feet a funny shade of purple. It took that long to thaw out, but when blood came back to skin and extremities it hurt like hell.
Every time I feel sorry for myself I just remember how Shackleton spent two YEARS here, in tents without heating. Then I don't feel so bad.
Thursday 26th May
I still have an ice-cream headache! What have I done to my body!
I had a great run today, it's such a release to get on the treadmill with my headphones in and just zone out. It leaves me energised and refreshed to do something physical rather than emotional and interpersonal.
On the way back my hair froze and stuck to my head where it was wet from the sweat. That probably didn't help my headache! Howie came back in today with frostnip on his face after half an hour outside. It's getting too cold to go outside now.
I did an interview with Gold Coast FM for the beginning of winter and people just can't understand how cold it is. There is just nothing you can wear to get warm in this weather. There is a big difference between −10 °C and −30 °C!
On another note, the boys have been funny while the chef has been away. Many of them don't know how to cook and I've had every question from ‘How many packets of pasta?’ to ‘How do I carve the turkey?’! And they keep putting shit back into the fridge! Stuff that no one will eat, like three slices of garlic bread!
I gave out double rations of chocolate tonight to perk people up.
Thankfully the common cold and flu were now a thing of the past. Bacteria and viruses do not survive outside and any nasties we had in our systems were now well gone. Doc gave us a presentation on the immune system one afternoon. He explained that as the immune system now had very little to do, it would lower its defences over the next few months. We could expect to be disease and infection free until November, when the resupply arrived. We were elated by this. It would be terrible to have a runny nose and have to go outside — our sinuses would instantly freeze and be very painful.
Then Doc gave us the bad news. The incoming expeditioners would bring with them all kinds of bacteria and viruses. They would have colds, flu, strange tummy bugs, and we would get them all. Our immune systems would be so supressed we would have no hope of maintaining our good health. In fact, it got worse. Not only would we get whatever the new summerers brought with them, but it could be months before we got back to normal. I tried to put it out of my mind. Like all of us, I hate being sick.
Friday 10th June
Thank God it's Friday. This has been a long week. The darkness is full-on and I find it hard to stay motivated in the afternoon. I feel like I've been at work for hours and hours at 4 pm but in fact I have two hours of work to go! It's hard yakka to keep going, staring into the computer all day.
I've been very sleepy at times today. I'm still waking up too early but at least it's not 3 am as it used to be.
Answered lots of questions from schoolkids today. Once again there is an abiding fascination about what we eat! I'll send them the menu for our upcoming midwinter's feast when Kirsten has finalised it. That'll dispel some myths. The interest from Australia is really wonderful, but it's largely misdirected. Because Antarctica is still such a foreign environment, people think we are heroes. We're not. We're comfortable, mostly middle-class, mostly middle-aged public servants, eating good food and staying warm!
The troops on station all appear to be steady emotionally and we're all healthy. I'm worried about the amount of processed food and preservatives we're eating and the lack of fresh fruit and vegetables. We're not taking any vitamins or supplements, which is a surprise. I'll chat to Doc about this tomorrow. Particularly about how we can get some vitamin D.
The highlight today was the sharing of another tomato from the hydroponics farm. This time there were no fights, each of us ate one-eighteenth of this gorgeous little vegetable (OK, OK, I know it's a fruit!). I distinctly recall the day the first tomato made its appearance in the Mess. It was a few weeks ago and as we came inside for lunch we stopped dead in our tracks. Because there in front of us was the most amazing sight we'd seen for some time — a big, fat, red, juicy and REAL tomato. We'd been eating frozen, dehydrated and packaged food for six months by this stage, so to see a real live tomato in our midst was just gobsmacking.
We were so excited, absolutely stoked. Until the penny dropped and we realised we'd have to share this single tomato amongst 18 people. Not so happy then.
What I learned
- Find a reason to celebrate. When a project has a long lead time, or budget constraints curtail new projects and it's all business as usual, it's important to find milestones to celebrate. Create them. Celebrating along the way gives a sense of movement and progress, and it builds momentum.
- Take time out. Schedule time away from work and, if needed, away from other people. Rest, reset and restore your energy.