STRATEGY

You truly can catch more flies with honey than with vinegar. And when dealing with peers in the workplace, you need honey to spare. Though you and a peer may be handling the bulk of a project's responsibilities, neither of you may be able to control its scheduling. If you need to ask a peer to accelerate their work, you'll need to have empathy and emphasize that circumstances are beyond your control. You need something from your peer—their share of the work, earlier than expected—and nothing works better than good old‐fashioned commiseration. Make it clear you're under the same pressures, and you'll both need to push harder and work longer hours to meet this new deadline. Resist the temptation to march in and bark orders. Sure, you're upset, but being aggressive and demanding will be, well, vinegar. Such an approach might make an overworked and potentially resentful colleague sabotage the project. The desired outcome is the completed project—so don't forget about office harmony. You want to be able to call on this colleague in the future; break the news gently, non‐aggressively, and make it clear you're a team. Remember, empathize, commiserate, and then get to work.

TACTICS

• Attitude: Think humble indignation here. You both need to step up the pace, so express your own frustration and regret, then emphasize the task at hand. Be prepared to handle flak; your colleague might become angry at you for bearing the bad news. Shake it off.

  

• Preparation: Keep the focus on the matter at hand. It would be all too easy to let this slide into an office gripe session, but this is not the time or the place.
• Timing: Time is of the essence. As soon as you know of the change, communicate it to your colleague. Don't wait for a “good” time—in this situation, there is none.
• Behavior: Remember, you're in this together. Make it clear this change isn't coming from you, but from above. But don't forget the work pace needs to be quickened. Comradeship is key—make it plain you're both invested in this working out.

ADAPTATIONS

This script can be modified to:

• Tell a friend or family member about a sudden, avoidable, and inconvenient change in plans.

KEY POINTS

• Soften the blow to your peer by expressing your own frustration at the change in scheduling. Empathy goes a long way here.
• Make sure your coworker is aware these circumstances are beyond your control.
• Be prepared to absorb any anger or frustration from your peer; remember how you felt when you found out about the change. Re‐state your own frustrations, but stress getting the work done.
• In the event your peer remains angry or becomes critical of you, remain calm, state what you know, and suggest they need to speak to management.