CHAPTER   9   

Persuasion 911

What to Do When Your Persuasion Attempts Go Awry

I’ve flown considerably more than a million airline miles, and I’ve never taken a single flight that didn’t have at least some turbulence during the ascent. Likewise, rarely do persuasion attempts get off the ground without at least a few bumps. I call this “assent turbulence.”

Persuasion turbulence occurs when new information appears, people are influenced by other opinions, or X factors are in play. Be it a promotion, a firing, or a merger, things happen that change a person’s perspective on your request. And the larger (or more complex) your request is, the more important it is for you to buckle your seat belt. But just because things get a bit bumpy doesn’t mean your flight won’t ultimately arrive at your intended destination. You simply need strategies for navigating “assent turbulence.” This chapter explores the inevitable bumps on your ascent to assent.

TROUBLESHOOTING THE SEVEN MOST COMMON WEAKNESSES IN A PITCH

If you’ve agreed with (and put into action) even half of what we’ve covered in this book so far, you will dramatically decrease the assent turbulence you experience as your persuasive efforts take flight. That said, I’m not going to guarantee a completely smooth transition to yes. Here are seven factors that contribute to persuasion taking a wrong turn:

1. Lack of trust: You’ll know that trust is missing if your target fails to be forthcoming with information, asks for delays, acts guarded, and is curt and abrupt in responses—or worse, doesn’t ask any follow-up questions.

   Response: Be 100 percent candid with your target, and address the elephant in the room: “Mike, we don’t seem to be on the same page with this issue, but it is important to both of us. So let’s be honest, see if we can forge a compromise, and be allies rather than adversaries.” Or this: “Monica, you seem hesitant. Why don’t we talk frankly about your concerns so we can both be more comfortable?” Ask people for the “favor” of honesty, trust, and patience, and, as Ben Franklin advised, they’ll return the favor and trust you more in the process.

2. Lack of value: This is indicated by no clear economic Return on Investment, no personal benefit for the target, and no attempt to link qualitative returns to actual evidence. Value, as they say, is in the eye of the beholder. And the other person’s eye is the one that needs to behold the benefits of your pitch.

   Response: Have your target stipulate what an effective return would be, at least theoretically. What would he like to see happen? Start with the ROI and work backward, being sure to turn qualitative benefits into quantitative metrics whenever possible. (For more on this, revisit Chapter 4.)

3. Lack of clarity: You’ll know your pitch isn’t working when you’re hit with a slew of questions, insistence on qualifiers, digressions, and a lack of focus on what you believe the issue to be.

   Response: Eschew jargon, and focus on specifics. Maybe your message isn’t getting through because your target is not as familiar with the industry or the project or the product as you. If you find yourself skipping over important details, slow down.

4. Poor timing: Sometimes, it’s not you; it’s the timing. Priorities may be elsewhere. Perhaps it’s your firm’s busy season, or IT problems in the office are leaving employees distracted and ornery. Or your specific target might just be having a bad day and dealing with issues of which you’re completely unaware.

   Response: Try to avoid asking for something that directly conflicts with ongoing demands in the first place. (It is illadvised to swim against the tide, especially a riptide.) However, if you find that you’ve unwittingly posed an ill-timed request, try practicing reversal. As a high school wrestler, this was one of my specialty moves. Wresting control from my opponents earned me two points each time. In persuasion, it can get you much, much more. Try something like this: “You’ve got a ton on your plate, I know. That’s exactly why we should green-light this project. I can make sure it gets done right and involve you as much or as little as you want. This will prove to the organization that our group is not constrained by capacity.”

5. Opposing self-interest: This happens when the company, the department, or the individual has a huge economic advantage to do exactly the opposite of what you are pursuing (or to do nothing at all).

   Response: This is a tough one, but there are ways to combat it, by appealing to corporate values or long-term benefits. Suggest that your pitch will not create a reversal of goals, and attempt to show your targets how a yes would support their private benefits in the longer term. You also can provide them with a quid pro quo they’re not expecting.

6. X factors: Stop me if you’ve heard this one before. Suddenly, an unexpected “expert,” such as an outside consultant, weighs in on your pitch. Or an unanticipated development, such as an acquisition or company reorganization, occurs. Or you learn of a personal relationship that could jeopardize your persuasion efficacy, such as the person you thought was in favor of an organizational shift is married to the cousin of the company’s general manager.

   Response: Damn the torpedoes and keep your persuasion priority moving forward, irrespective of the new information. If that’s too bold of a move for you, make sure you have a Plan B. Adjust your ask in light of the new conditions, and try to co-opt new sources of expertise. If you can, change your timing to take advantage of the situation. For example, if a new head of marketing will be announced next week who is charged with taking the target’s efforts toward new and younger customers, explain how—with the new hire’s guidance—some of your ideas could easily be put into action.

7. Machiavellian impulses: I’m referring to the people who tell you one thing (to keep you happy) and then do another (to make them happy). Then they explain their behavior as a misunder-standing (to try to make you happy again). They will take credit for others’ work, disassociate themselves from errors of their own, and work behind the scenes to reach their goals—often entering and exiting alliances and friendships in revolving-door fashion.

   Response: Machiavellian types also hate the bright light because it exposes their dark corners, so keep issues in the light. Contain them, because it’s pointless to fight them, and don’t attempt head-on (or headfirst) assaults. Rather, give them the opportunity to (eventually) reveal that the only side they’re ever on is their own.

10 EMERGENCY ACTIONS WHEN NAVIGATING “ASSENT TURBULENCE”

Fasten your seat belt: Regardless of your attempts to reduce assent turbulence, sometimes you’ll get the feeling that your persuasion situation is inexorably heading the wrong way. Professional pilots rate turbulence from Level 1 (light, slightly erratic changes that keep you from enjoying your glass of wine) to Level 4 (extreme, violent motions that convince you you’ll never fly again). Your own turbulence will have degrees of intensity as well.

Does someone simply not understand a facet of your request? (“Why do you need two hours at our national sales meeting next month?”) This is Level 1 turbulence, which can easily be ameliorated. However, if the CEO received misinformation and, in mafia-speak, “put a contract out on your idea,” you’re definitely navigating Level 4 turbulence. What to do?

Take the following 10 tips from the pilot’s flight manual and see what the pros do when they hit a rough patch of air:

1. Be calm. It doesn’t help if you, the pilot, are freaked out. Remind yourself that, because this is your priority, you may be amplifying facets of the situation in your mind. Take a deep breath. More than likely, your physical safety isn’t in jeopardy, and the fate of the world doesn’t hang in the balance.
2. Switch on the seat belt sign. Let other passengers know there could be a few bumps. If you’re working on that new product training initiative we explored in Chapter 7, you might have any number of people who are aware of your effort and are invested in its success. Let them know there could be, figuratively speaking, some shifting of items in the overhead compartments. Help keep your team calm, too.
3. Use your radar. You need to locate and understand the turbulence. Is it thermal, mechanical, or aerodynamic? This is where your networks come into play. You need to have contacts in sales, finance, legal, and other departments—trusted colleagues who understand the importance of sharing information to help you pinpoint the source of the problem.
4. Subtly test your controls. Ask for opinions—not comments and certainly not commitments: “Given what you currently know, what are you thinking right now?” Ask about potential storms, and keep an eye out for someone who can help play the role of problem solver, intermediary, or facilitator.
5. Level the aircraft. Always be able to, at any time during the persuasion process, clearly explain what you are trying to initiate, how much it will realistically cost, and what the return will be (and how you will quantify it): “We’ve covered a lot of territory here. Just so we’re clear: Today, we’re talking about a purchase order for $225,000 to help our call center talent increase customer satisfaction by a full point in next quarter’s satisfaction index report.”
6. Correct the pitch. Allow yourself to understand your target’s hesitation and work to erase invalid preconceptions. Find areas of potential agreement and collaboration, while unearthing resistance that may be unrelated to what you’re actually suggesting: “Your concern is related to the project’s budget, and I understand that. How about we take a closer look at my proposal and find a middle ground by identifying expenses we could initially forgo?”
7. Mayday! Mayday! Call a copilot for help. You may at times need to ask others to have a conversation, offer an opinion, or otherwise help you get the job done. An executive, an expert, or a strategic ally can assist you in thinking through issues. You don’t have to fly solo.
8. Circle the airport. I don’t like to call this tactic stalling; let’s think of it as “circling the airport.” Sometimes, to be successful, you need to keep an idea alive long enough for the right situation to arise—like a batter fouling off pitches until the perfect one comes along.
9. Choose a different runway. We covered the importance of offering options in your pitch in Chapter 7; now you’ll need to provide other options to get that pitch back on track: “We can either select three of these ideas and determine how best to move forward with them, focus on your favorite idea and make that happen, or come up with a new set of ideas.”
10. Abort the destination. Land somewhere else. Nothing is ever worth “or else.” Ancient Greeks preferred to die in battle when they couldn’t win, establishing the ultimate example of “or else.” Ancient Romans, on the other hand, believed in retreating in the face of overwhelming strength, which gave them the opportunity to fight another day. Be a Roman by leaving doors open and bridges unburned.

SURVIVING THE TROUGH OF DISILLUSIONMENT

An interesting psychological effect comes into play when you’ve engaged in a long and difficult persuasion campaign. If you’re like many professionals I encounter, you start out enthusiastically on your persuasion campaign with ever-increasing expectations. Then, after some turbulence, you enter a phase I call the “Trough of Disillusionment.” This is where you figuratively become battered and bruised and question whether you should even be pursuing your persuasion priority.

My advice? Hang in there! If I’ve learned one thing in 30 years of working toward yes, it’s that the persuasion process sometimes requires tenacity. That said, you do have to know when to say “when.” This is where the next idea will help . . .

The Platinum Rule of Persuasion

I’m often asked how many times someone should attempt to obtain buy-in from a given target before acknowledging rejection. People will tell me that they’ve just attended some ridiculous sales seminar where they’ve been told that the “sale doesn’t begin until the customer says no.” Or that “the customer has to say no six times before you quit.” I learned how to sell in a Philadelphia Harley-Davidson dealership. Following that kind of advice would have gotten me punched in the mouth! The advice I use was taught to me from another Philly guy, Joel DeLuca, whom I introduced in Chapter 3. He taught me what I now call the “Platinum Rule of Persuasion,” because it works so well: Take two shots, and then salute.

What I mean by this is that if your target says no once, reformulate, and try again. If, after your second attempt, the target’s response is still no, salute and move on. (And, as we advised previously, live to persuade another day.) If you hold on to your request with the tenacity of a pit bull locked on to a rump roast, people are going to start saying things to you like, “I like your passion,” which, of course, is corporate-speak for, “We think you’ve lost your mind.”

So take two shots, then salute. Say something like, “Thanks for your consideration. I value your input and respect your decision. I’m all the better for having spent time with you on this idea.”

SHOWING GRACE IN THE FACE OF REJECTION

What do you do when your second shot is spent, and you’ve run out of options? Welcome to the NFL. Let’s face it. Over the course of your career, you’re going to get rejected more than once. If you’re not hearing no at least some of the time, you’re probably not stretching yourself enough. That said, how should you respond in that moment of rejection?

• Don’t get angry. That will just push your target further away.
• Do show disappointment. No need to wear a tough poker face after the proposal you spent so much time and energy on gets turned down. As a matter of fact, if you don’t appear a little disappointed, your target could think your pitch wasn’t all that important to you.
• Do remain respectful. Use power language when communicating to your target: “Well, of course I’m disappointed. But I’d like to thank you for giving the idea such careful consideration.”

In the 1968 movie The Lion in Winter—set in England in 1183—King Henry II has imprisoned his conniving sons, Prince Geoffrey and Prince Richard, in the wine cellar. When they think they hear their father coming down the stairs to kill them, this exchange occurs:

PRINCE RICHARD: He’ll get no satisfaction out of me. He isn’t going to see me beg.

PRINCE GEOFFREY: My, you chivalric fool—as if the way one fell down mattered.

PRINCE RICHARD: When the fall is all that is, it matters. Show grace in the face of rejection.

BOUNCING BACK FROM NO

If you practice the advice in this book, your batting average will be much higher than those in the Baseball Hall of Fame. Nevertheless, you will hear no on occasion, so here are eight ideas to help you bounce back:

1. Move on to what’s next. My favorite TV series is the seemingly timeless political epic The West Wing. In it, Martin Sheen plays the role of President Josiah “Jed” Bartlet. It’s a terrific program that captures a fairly accurate portrayal of life in the White House.

   President Bartlet—whether he is triumphant in victory or is crushed in defeat—always responds in the same manner: “What’s next?” What a brilliant example of how to handle any situation! Activate the next issue on your agenda, and don’t deliberate over defeat. Autopsies are for medical examiners, not managers.

2. Realize that you’re not the problem. In his groundbreaking work (which should be required reading for every persuasion professional), Learned Optimism: How to Change Your Mind and Your Life (New York: Vintage Books, 2004), Ph.D. Martin E. P. Seligman notes that optimism won’t change what a salesperson says to a prospective buyer; rather, it will change what the salesperson says to himself after a negative exchange. Instead of saying, “I’m no good,” he might rationalize that “the client was too busy to fully consider my offer.” Furthermore, Seligman maintains that optimism can be learned.

   The next time you hear no, take a page from Seligman’s playbook and recast the situation thus: Your particular target chose not to agree to your course of action at that particular time. That’s it. There is no connection to your worth as a person or the validity of your viewpoint.

3. Understand the external locus of learning. The idea of learning that you can learn is critical. For individuals who claim that they already know what they need to know, a setback can be devastating. If, on the other hand, you believe your locus of learning is external, you can shrug off the setback and tell yourself, I’ll have to get some coaching or read up on how to improve my presentation skills, so next time I’ll experience a better result. The world always seems a little brighter for these people, because they have more arrows in their quiver.

4. Ignore unsolicited feedback. Alan Weiss tells the memorable story of how—following a rousing talk to a capacity crowd that gave him a standing ovation—a speech coach approached him and asked if she could provide some feedback. “Is there anything on the planet that might stop you?” Weiss wisecracked in his own inimitable way. She proceeded to tell him that she couldn’t concentrate on his message, because he constantly moved around onstage, and that he should stand still to make a point. The speech coach had other suggestions for him, too.

   Pay no attention to suggestions from your so-called supporters—especially if they tell you that you should have tried harder or danced on the ceiling. Instead, seek out constructive feedback from credible individuals you trust.

5. Perform a self-assessment. Heed your own counsel. Is this the first rejection you’ve received regarding your pitch? Or have you been turned down several times making the pitch? Once is an accident, twice is a coincidence, and three times is a pattern. Is a pattern emerging?
6. Immediately do something you’re skilled at doing. Whether it’s writing a memo, coaching a coworker, or giving a talk, go do something at which you know you’ll be successful. This success-immediately-after-defeat strategy is a great way to reinstate positive feelings and get them working again in your brain. Even if it’s a small victory, it’s a victory.
7. Forget about perfection. Rather, focus on success direction. Set parameters of success, not either/or outcomes. Think about your results as the volume knob on an amplifier instead of the on/off switch. You turned in a great project and your boss called it “solid” but not “stupendous”? Don’t worry about it. Who uses stupendous anyway?!

8. Evaluate your entire body of work. Hank Aaron had a lifetime batting average of .305; Joe DiMaggio, .325; Ty Cobb, .366; Lou Gehrig, .340; Babe Ruth, .342. These guys failed approximately 7 times out of every 10 trips to the plate. Not only are they in the Baseball Hall of Fame today, their names are woven into the fabric of our language.

   If, when all is said and done, people refer to you as the Joe DiMaggio of New Products, or the Hank Aaron of Project Management, or the Babe Ruth of Marketing—well, you’d be in some pretty solid company. Focus on your whole career, not one or two errors in the field.

Chapter 9 Persuasion Points

1. Turbulence is inevitable; prepare for it.
2. Unlike a pilot, you can personally prevent (or at least ameliorate) most turbulence around your issue.
3. Some resistance is honest and some is Machiavellian. Understand the distinction and act accordingly.
4. Demonstrate grace and resilience, and never take it personally when you are unsuccessful for the moment.
5. Don’t assume you have a problem, but do assess patterns to see if you can improve your future chances.
6. Focus on success, not perfection.
7. Handle surprises with equanimity and don’t spring them on others.
8. After hearing no, move on to other aspects of your work and life, and you’ll be more effective with your issue in the future.