INDEX
abundance, mindset of, 135
acceptance, unconditional, 123, 143
achievement, activity vs., 79
actions
agreement of words and, 22–25
based on intuition, 58
activity, achievement vs., 79
affirmations, 61
agreement, see congruence
Alessandra, Tony, on charisma, 5
alignment in life, 36–37
American Heritage Dictionary, 5
analogies, 75–76
anger, 167
The Angry Bee (fable), 1–2
The Ant and the Grasshopper (fable), 83–84
anxiety, 168
appearance
and authority, 33
credibility based on, 126
subconscious triggers in, 171–174
see also dress
appreciation, showing, 147
Aristotle
on courage, 68
on friends, 135
on learning, 181
arms, information conveyed by, 162
Armstrong, Lance
optimism of, 29
on winning, 68
arrogance, 19–20
articulation, 158
assurance, pitch of voice and, 157
attention, of audience, 85–87, see also presentation skills
attitudes, 27–28
colors” effects on, 169
courage for changing, 69
effect of words on, 156
empathy for, 143
and expectations, 58
similarity of, 91
and success, 26
and word choice, 156
attractiveness, physical, 172–173
audience
building rapport with, 99
connecting with, 87
earning and keeping attention of, 85–87
authority
and accessories, 173
and appearance, 33
as form of positive power, 31
and surroundings, 173
voice inflection for, 157
authority power, 31
authority structure, 30–31
awareness, empathy vs., 142–143
balance
in life, 36–39
research on, 186
belief(s)
effect of words on, 156
empathy for, 143
and integrity, 64–65
similarity of, 91
in yourself and your message, 15
bias, self-perception, 7–9, 75
blaming others, 69–70
body language, 160–165
confidence revealed by, 18
and congruence, 25
body movement, 163
bravery, see courage
briefcases, 173
Buffett, Warren, 129
business cards, 173
Canfield, Jack, 136–137
caring about others, 91
to build rapport, 112
by listening, 107
pretense of, 144
Carnegie, Andrew, 124–125
Carnegie, Dale
on being interested in others, 91
on listening, 107
challenges, in pursuing purpose, 63
character, 65
Charis, 5
charisma, 2–3
difficulty in defining, 4–5
ethical and unethical uses of, 5–6
rating skills/traits for, 182
and self-perception bias, 7–9
charitable contributions, 136, 137
Chicken Soup for the Soul series, 136–137
Churchill, Winston
early failures and eventual success of, 54
influence of, 96–97
on pessimists vs. optimists, 26
Clinton, Bill, 105
clothing, 173, see also dress
cockiness, 19
cologne, 169
colors, emotions and, 169
communication, 83–84
common blunders in, 87–88
with confidence and authority, 17–18
eye contact in, 102–105
influence in, 94–97
listening in, 106–109
nonverbal, 160–165
online resources for, 113
people skills in, 90–93
and presentation skills, 85–89
and rapport, 110–113
recent changes in, 86
research on, 192–196
and respect, 147
self-evaluation of skills in, 87
storytelling for, 98–101
verbal, 155–159
compassion, 91
competence
articulation for, 168
and authority power, 31
as core quality, 51–54
increasing, 53
research on, 187–188
compliance
from fear, 119
influence vs., 96
concentration, 77–81
concern for others, 135
confidence, 17–21
maintaining, 18
overconfidence vs., 18–20
research on, 183–184
and use of humor, 41
and vision, 139
and voice, 157
confrontations, courage for, 69
congruence, 22–25
articulation for, 168
research on, 184
connecting
with audience, 87
need for, 91
nonverbal clues to, 165
see also people skills; rapport
conversation, building rapport in, 111
core quality(-ies), 45–46
competence as, 51–54
courage as, 68–72
creativity as, 73–76
focus as, 77–81
integrity as, 64–67
intuition as, 55–59
purpose as, 60–63
research on, 187–192
self-discipline as, 47–50
courage
applying, 70–71
as core quality, 68–72
research on, 190–191
courtesy, 147
Covey, Stephen, on abundance mentality, 135
creativity
as core quality, 73–76
developing, 75–76
research on, 191
credibility
articulation for, 168
and clothing, 173
in empowering others, 126–129
research on, 198
criticism
and credibility, 127
damage from, 135
and respect, 147
Dalai Lama, 33
deception, 23–25
arm and shoulder clues to, 162
body clues to, 163
eye clues to, 161
and hand movements, 161
head clues to, 163
leg clues to, 162
decision making
emotions in, 153
integrity in, 66
to reduce worry, 168
defensiveness, 99–100
delivery, 83–84
eye contact in, 102–105
influence in, 94–97
listening in, 106–109
online resources for, 113
people skills in, 90–93
presentation skills in, 85–89
rapport in, 110–113
research on, 192–196
storytelling in, 98–101
Dell, Michael, 148
denial, 8
despair, 118
determination, 14
direction
choosing, 66
human yearning for, 139
in life, see purpose
of thoughts, 67
discipline, self-, 47–50
Disney, Walt, 58
Disneyland, 58
doubt, confidence destroyed by, 18
and authority, 33
power from, 31–32
ears, 172
Edison, Thomas Alva
early failures and eventual success of, 54
self-discipline of, 50
educating, keeping attention vs., 86
Einstein, Albert, on imagination, 73
Eisenhower, Dwight David
on motivation, 130
on persuasion, 30
embarrassment, perception of confidence and, 20–21
Emerson, Ralph Waldo, on eyes, 102, 103
emotional alignment, 37
emotional topics, congruence of messages on, 23
emotion(s)
of anger, 167
and credibility, 127
in decision making, 153
effect of words on, 156
and empathy, 143
external factors affecting, 168–169
of fear, 168
logic vs., 166
purpose vs., 60
secondary, 167
storytelling to engage, 99–100
as subconscious triggers, 166–170
of worry, 168
see also specific emotions
empathy
in empowering others, 142–145
research on, 200–201
empowering others, 115–116
to be creative, 74
credibility in, 126–129
empathy in, 142–145
esteem in, 122–125
goodwill in, 134–137
inspiration in, 117–121
motivation in, 130–133
online resources for, 149
research on, 197–202
respect in, 146–149
vision in, 138–141
energy, 35–39
and balance, 36–37
false, 15
focusing, 78
from purpose, 61
and rate of speech, 156
research on, 186
transmitting, 36
and use of humor, 41
from your passion, 14
enthusiasm
increasing, 15
passion vs., 14
and vision, 139
EPCOT, 58
errors, see mistakes
esteem
for empowering others, 122–125
research on, 197–198
see also self-esteem
ethics
and integrity, 65
in use of charisma, 5–6
excitement
passion vs., 14–15
and rate of speech, 156
vision vs., 140
expectations, 8
attitude based on, 58
and vision, 139
experience
competence from, 52
intuition based on, 56
expertise
for competence, 51–54
as form of positive power, 31, 33–34
external objects, 173
eye contact
in delivery and communication, 102–105
research on, 195
faces, judging people by, 171–172
facial expressions, reading people from, 55–56
facial hair, 172
failure
accepting, 70
assumption of, 133
Edison’s perspective on, 50
and success, 69
and vision, 139
faking, 12
and building rapport, 112
of congruence, 23
of passion, 14–15
fashion, 173
fear(s), 168
empathy for, 143
facing, 69
inspiration vs., 119
managing, 18
people driven by, 118
of public speaking, 88–89
and success, 69
worry as, 141
FedEx, 53
feelings, see emotions
feet, 162
The Fighting Brothers (fable), 179–180
fillers, vocal, 157
financial alignment, 36
first impressions
from handshakes, 164
people skills in, 91
focus
as core quality, 77–81
developing, 80–81
on others vs. self, 134–135, 137
research on, 191–192
force, power vs., 31
Ford, Henry, 76
Forster, E. M., on passion, 13
The Fox in the Hole (fable), 151–152
Frankl, Victor, on happiness, 42–43
Fripp, Patricia, on making customers remember you, 110
Gandhi, Mahatma, 25
Gates, Bill, on intuition, 55
General Electric (GE), 140–141
genuineness, of people skills, 92
gestures, 160
and congruence, 25
reading/interpreting, 55–56, 160
glasses, 173
goals
and happiness, 43
to motivate and empower, 131
our own vs. others’, 62
for success, 77–78
Goleman, Daniel, on personal qualities, 142
goodwill
in empowering others, 134–137
research on, 199–200
Graham, Benjamin, 129
Great Wall of China, 65
Green Bay Packers, 132–133
grooming, 172
group synergy, 75
guidance, human yearning for, 139
habits
changing or replacing, 48–50
courage for changing, 69
hands, information conveyed by, 161
Hansen, Mark Victor, 136–137
happiness, 40–43
and empathy, 143
research on, 186
sources of, 41
harmony, see congruence
head, information conveyed by, 162–163
health plan, personal, 35–36, 38
hearing, listening vs., 108
height, 172
helping others
courage for, 69
in setting goals, 131
Hill, Napoleon
on thinking before speaking, 85
on what you are doing, 181
honesty, 67
honor, 147
hope, 118
humor
and presence, 40–43
research on, 186–187
imagination
and creativity, 73–76
from sense of purpose, 61
income, influence and, 94
inflection, 157
influence, 3
of attitude, 27
from authority power, 31
blunders in attempting, 96
and competence, 53
and congruence, 23
and courage, 68–69
in delivery and communication, 94–97
and focus, 77
long- vs. short-term, 181
and mood of audience, 167
and physical appearance, 171
and purpose, 62
research on, 193–194
and respect, 147
subconscious, 153–154, see also subconscious triggers
from title power, 32
inner strength, 47–50
inner voice, see intuition
insight, 15
inspiration
in empowering others, 117–121
research on, 197
through storytelling, 99
instincts, 56, 57, 152, see also intuition
integrity
as core quality, 64–67
research on, 189–190
intellectual alignment, 37
interests, similarity of, 91
internal happiness, 40–41
introduction (in presentation), 86–87
intuition
as core quality, 55–59
obstacle to following, 56
research on, 188–189
tuning into, 57–59
see also subconscious triggers
“I’ve Been to the Mountaintop” (Martin Luther King, Jr.), 62–63
Jordan, Michael, 80
judging
by appearance, 171–172
by eyes and eye contact, 103
by others, 12
of self, 8
by voice, 155
Keller, Helen, on happiness, 40
Kennedy, John F., on contributing to human spirit, 134
King, Larry, 108–109
King, Martin Luther, Jr., 62–63
knowledge
for competence, 51–54
credibility based on, 126
displaying, 176
as form of positive power, 31
to motivate and empower, 131
knowledge power, 52
laliophobia, 88
language, see words
learning
to be creative, 75
lifelong, 52
to motivate and empower, 131
legs, information conveyed by, 162
letterhead, 173
life alignment, 36–37
Lincoln, Abraham
early failures and eventual success of, 54
on fooling people, 22
The Lion and the Mouse (fable), 115–116
listening
in delivery and communication, 106–109
hearing vs., 108
improving skills in, 108
to intuition, 56–58
research on, 195–196
logic
and emotions, 166
and fear, 168
Lombardi, Vince, 132–133
luck, 2–3
lying, 127, 128, see also deception
Mandela, Nelson, 144
manipulation, perception of, 139
Man’s Search for Meaning (Victor Frankl), 42–43
matching
to build rapport, 113
of rate of speech, 156
McKee, Robert, on stories, 98
memories
intuition based on, 56
triggered by music or smell, 169
message
congruence of, 22–25
unspoken, 111
metaphors, 75–76
mirroring
to build rapport, 113
of eye contact, 103
mission, 60–63
mistakes
dwelling on, 141
moods, 167–169
Mortensen, Kurt W., on persuasion, 94
motivation
and credibility, 127
in empowering others, 130–133
enhancing, 132
personal differences in, 132
research on, 199
movement, amount of, 163
music, emotions and, 168–169
Namath, Joe, 20
need(s)
for esteem, 123
motivating through, 130
negative comments/actions
and esteem, 123
and goodwill, 135
and respect, 147
and vision, 139
New York Jets, 20
nonverbal communication
and building rapport, 111
congruence of words and, 22–25
eye contact, 102–105
reading people from, 55–56
subconscious triggers in, 160–165
office décor, 173
old-school persuasion, 177
optimism, 26–29
benefits of, 26–27
improving, 28
research on, 185
overconfidence, 18–20
overpersuasion, 176
Panetta, Leon, 105
passion, 13–16
and competence, 52
getting closer to, 15–16
other qualities vs., 14–15
research on, 183
patience
in developing competence, 54
in developing creativity, 76
pauses, 158
Peale, Norman Vincent, on confidence, 17
people skills
in delivery and communication, 90–93
research on, 193
based on appearance, 172
of competence, 52–53
of credibility, 126–128
external factors affecting, 168–169
of manipulation, 139
as poor listener, 108
of respect, 148
perfume, 169
personal development, 131
personal health plan, 35–36, 38
personal space, 177
persuaders, top characteristics of, 3
persuasion
blunders in attempting, 96
charisma in, 4
see also influence
pessimism, 27–29
physical alignment, 36–37
physical appearance
and authority, 33
credibility based on, 126
subconscious triggers in, 171–174
physical flaws, 172
physical movement, 163
physique, 171
pitch (voice), 157
PMA (positive mental attitude), 27
positive comments/actions
and goodwill, 135
positive mental attitude (PMA), 27
positive power, 30–34
from optimism, 27
research on, 185–186
sources of, 31–32
power, 4
authority, 31
drains on, 32–33
force vs., 31
of intuition, 57
knowledge, 52
negative experiences with, 32
positive, 30–34
title, 34
praise, 123–125
prejudging others, 109
preparation, for success, 77–78
presence, 11–12
and confidence, 17–21
and congruence, 22–25
and energy and balance, 35–39
and humor and happiness, 40–43
online resources for, 43
and optimism, 26–29
and passion, 13–16
and positive power, 30–34
research on, 183–187
presentation skills
in delivery and communication, 85–89
nonverbal, 160–165
and power, 33
research on, 192
verbal, 155–159
problem solving, creativity in, 73–74
productivity, empathy and, 143
promises, keeping, 67
proxemics, 177
public speaking, fear of, 88–89
pupils (of eyes), 103
purpose
as core quality, 60–63
identifying, 60–62
research on, 189
purses, 173
definition of, 110
in delivery and communication, 110–113
and eye contact, 104–105
and listening, 107
maintaining, 111
people skills for, 90–93
research on, 196
using stories to build, 99
rate of speech, 156
reading people, 152
by nonverbal communication, 160–165
skills for, 90–93
Reagan, Ronald, 88
recognition, 123
relationships, for happiness and balance, 37
repelling people, 175–178
with hype vs. passion, 14
with incongruence, 24
with influence attempts, 95
with smells, 169
research
on core qualities, 187–192
on delivery and communication, 192–196
on empowering others, 197–202
making decisions based on, 56
on presence, 183–187
resentment, 177
respect
and empathy, 143
in empowering others, 146–149
of others” things, 177
and power, 33
research on, 201–202
Robbins, Anthony
energy and charisma of, 38–39
on energy level, 35
on impotent goals, 117
Romney, Mitt, 66–67
Roosevelt, Theodore, on success, 90
scarcity mentality, 135
secondary emotions, 167
self-absorption, 143
self-assessment, 8–9
self-confidence, 17–21
self-deprecating humor, 42
self-discipline
as battery, 48
as core quality, 47–50
enhancing, 49–50
research on, 187
self-esteem, 122
to motivate and empower, 131
self-satisfaction
and empathy, 143
esteem as, 122
seriousness, 33
shoes, 173
silence, 158
skills
assessing, 8
to motivate and empower, 131
see also specific skills, e.g.: speaking skills
smell, emotions and, 169
Smiles, Samuel, on hope, 118
Smith, Fred, 53
social alignment, 37
spatial separation, 177
speaking skills, 85, 96–97, see also delivery
speech, rate of, 156, see also verbal presentation; voice
Spence, Gerry on charisma, 5
on credibility, 126
spiritual alignment, 37
Stone, W. Clement, on mission, 60
storytelling
for creativity, 75–76
in delivery and communication, 98–101
essential components in, 99
mastering art of, 100
research on, 194–195
strength(s)
assessment of, 8
inner, 47–50
pitch of voice to project, 157
subconscious mind
confidence in, 75
programming of, 57
subconscious triggers, 151–154
confidence revealed by, 18
in emotional states, 166–170
for influence, 95
in nonverbal presentation, 160–165
online resources for, 178
in physical appearance, 171–174
that repel people, 175–178
in verbal presentation, 155–159
success, 2–3
and creativity, 74
focus for, 77–78
and intuition, 56
from optimism, 26
people skills for, 91
reasons for lack of, 9
teamwork for, 93
visualizing, 88
Sussman, Rosalyn, on belief in self, 51
sympathy, empathy vs., 143, 144
synergy, vision and, 139
talking too much, 175
teeth, 172
Teresa, Mother, 92
Thompson, J. Edgar, 125
Thoreau, Henry David, on being busy, 77
thoughts
being alone with, 58
controlling and directing, 67
influence of word choice on, 156
time management, 78
tone of voice
confidence revealed by, 18
and congruence, 25
reading people from, 55–56
touch, 163–164
track record, credibility based on, 126
Tracy, Brian, on listening, 106
training, recent changes in, 86
triggers, see subconscious triggers
Truman, Harry S.
on getting credit, 122
on self-discipline, 57
trust, 4
and confidence, 17
and congruence, 23
and credibility, 127
and empathy, 143
and eye contact, 103
and integrity, 65
and power vs. force, 31
and rapport, 111
truth, 8
for congruence, 23–24
and credibility, 128
The Turkey and the Peacocks (fable), 11–12
Twain, Mark, 101
UCLA basketball teams, 15
unconditional acceptance, 123, 143
understanding, 143, see also empathy
uniforms, 32
unspoken messages, 111
values
and integrity, 65
tapping into, 66
valuing others, 146, see also respect
verbal communications, congruence of actions and, 22–25
verbal presentation
articulation in, 158
inflection in, 157
pitch in, 157
rate of speech in, 156
silence in, 158
subconscious triggers in, 155–159
vocal fillers in, 157
volume in, 157–158
word choice in, 156
vision
creating, 140
in empowering others, 138–141
research on, 200
visionaries, 138
visualization, 88
vocal fillers, 157
voice, 158–159
confidence revealed by, 18
and congruence, 25
judging others by, 155
pitch of, 157
reading people from, 55–56
volume of, 157–158
see also verbal presentation
volume (voice), 157–158
wants, motivating through, 130
Washington, George, 120
watches, 173
weaknesses
assessment of, 8
courage for identifying, 69
and credibility, 127–128
honesty about, 67
taking ownership of, 9
Web site, 173
Welch, Jack, 140–141
willpower, 47–50
Winfrey, Oprah, 112–113
Winter Olympics (2002), 66–67
The Wood-chopping Challenge (fable), 45–46
Wooden, John
passion of, 15
on respect, 146
words
agreement of actions and, 22–25
Wright, Orville, 71
Wright, Wilbur, 71
Ziglar, Zig, on integrity, 64