INTRODUCTION

FABLE: THE ANGRY BEE

After a long brutal winter, it finally happens—a beautiful warm spring day. You go outside and feel the warmth of the sun on your face and your body, and you take a whiff of the fresh air. You decide you are done with winter and want to let the warm spring air into your home. You open all the doors and all the windows. You feel the fresh air rush in and revitalize and renew your home. Warm air isn’t the only thing rushing into your home; you hear the buzz of an insect. Out of the corner of your eye, you see a bee flying around your home. The bee seems so helpless that you decide to help. You want to show the bee the way to freedom. The bee keeps slamming into and bouncing off the large pane window in your living room. You open up the front screen door and try to direct the bee with your hands to safety and security. The more you try, the more irritated the bee gets. You’re puzzled at the bee’s anger. You think to yourself, “I’m only trying to save the bee’s life.” You finally try to direct the bee from the window to the open door by using your whole body. The bee gets angry and stings you on the arm.

MEANING

In life as you attempt to serve others, lead others, or influence others to do things that will help them grow, improve themselves, or change their lives, you are attacked, criticized, or even “stung.” What happens? What goes wrong, and why do others sometimes refuse your help? Why do they reject your leadership or refuse to be influenced by you? You have their best interest in mind. We know their refusal hurts them more than it hurts you. We say it is their fault, they should be smarter—but it is our fault.

How do you get others to want to do what you want them to do and be excited to do it? Let’s find out and master the power of charisma, leadership, and influence.

THE POWER OF CHARISMA: KEY TO MAXIMUM SUCCESS

Have you ever noticed how some people can captivate, inspire, and influence others without effort? Other people instantly like them and want to be around them. Some individuals can enter a room and everyone notices. They seem always to get what they want because the people around them want to give it to them. How do they command such instant attention and influence everyone they meet?

This is the power of charisma. Charisma is a vital motivational and life skill that can and must be mastered if you are going to influence others. In this book, you will learn how you can harness this power of charisma.

I have spent my life studying persuasion, motivation, and influence. People often ask me what is the most important tool or skill in the entire influence toolbox? What is the one thing I can learn to achieve maximum success? The answer is simple. If there were one skill to master out of all the tools of persuasion and influence, it is charisma. It gives you the quickest return on your time and dramatically increases your success and income.

This vital success skill permeates every aspect of your life. Your career, your relationships, your ability to influence, and your income are all related to your ability to radiate charisma. Have you ever wondered why two people with the same education, the same contacts, the same IQ, and the same experience get dramatically different results from their lives? One enjoys massive success while the other one is barely making ends meet. Some call this simple luck, but when you have charisma you are guaranteed to have good luck. Imagine your success in life when you can automatically get others to willingly do what you want them to do, beg to do it, like to do it, and tell all their friends that they should also do it.

Charisma is the ability to empower and persuade others to believe in you, trust in you, and want to be influenced by you. You captivate and motivate them. You help them see themselves in the future carrying out your vision. They are moved and energized by your passion and enthusiasm. They are magnetized and driven by your charisma. They are lifted and inspired by your optimism and expectations. In essence, you’re a source of empowerment, encouragement, and inspiration.

Mastering the various skills of charisma will propel you into a position of influence and success. People often wonder why achieving success is taking so long and why they have not learned even the basic skills to be successful or achieve their dreams. Charisma allows you to be more efficient and effective. Think about this. If others aren’t responding to you or your attempts at influence, it probably is your fault. Sure, we like to say it is their fault, but when others are not influenced by you, empowered by you, or don’t even want to help you—trust me—it is you.

I cannot stress enough that people of great influence have charisma. A study once asked participants to rate the top characteristic (out of 59 choices) of persuaders.¹ The number one characteristic was charisma. We can all think of charismatic people. They have a certain presence and charm about them; they are captivating and inspiring. They command our attention; we hang onto every word out of their mouths. Their presence prods us, motivates us, and inspires us. We feel better for having met them, seen them, and been influenced by them.

The challenge is that most of us think of charismatic people as movie stars, CEOs, politicians, or even religious leaders. These kinds of people might have a few of the tools of charisma and influence, but I want to reveal all the tools you can use in your efforts to influence and persuade. Some may call charisma magic, some call it luck, but when you master all these skills, you will achieve more success. In fact, you’ll wonder why success took so long and why it now seems so easy.

Charisma empowers others to like you, even if they don’t know that much about you and even when there hasn’t been enough time to develop trust in you. Charisma gives you power over, the allegiance of, and the devotion from your audience, and it creates instant support. So are you born with charisma or is it learned? Is it nature or nurture? The answer to both questions is yes! Some attributes are inherent, some you have learned, and others can be acquired. Charisma is a trait that can be taught and mastered, although it requires effort on your part. You may wonder—as I do— that if this skill is so important, if it is so valuable, if it is so critical to your success, why didn’t they teach it to us in school? I can’t answer that question, but I do have the answers you need to master the critical skill of charisma.

People today are less trusting, full of skepticism and more cynical than ever before. Corporate loyalty is a thing of the past. Belief in large business and government and society has eroded away. Everyone around us is confused, overwhelmed, and more difficult to influence than in the past. Now more than ever charisma is a vital and critical persuasion skill. The challenge is that some people think they have charisma, but they don’t. Even if you can get somebody to do something, doesn’t mean you are influential or charismatic. For example, if you are a manager, people do what you tell them to do because they feel they have to (even if they pretend to want to), but the results are only short term. If you are charismatic, however, people are devoted to you, want to work for you, and recruit everyone else to help you. In short, you have true influence over them.

DEFINING CHARISMA

When we hear the word “charisma,” sometimes we are not sure what to think. What exactly is charisma? It can be a mysterious attribute. It’s not assertiveness or enthusiasm, nor is it personality or being a so-called people person, although all of these traits seem to be a part of the package to one degree or another. You know when you have met or seen charismatic people. They are easy to spot and always radiate in a crowd of people. Sometimes identifying what makes someone charismatic is difficult, but you know when you feel and are moved by the power of charisma. When someone possesses the elusive quality of charisma, we feel honored and privileged to be associated with that person. Charisma is not just charm, devotion, likability, or passion. It is a feeling of confidence that does not overwhelm your audience but rather puts them at ease while maintaining credibility and rapport.

The word “charisma” comes from the Greek goddess Charis. Charis’s character was one of total beauty and charity. How do others define charisma?

Here’s my own definition of charisma: the ability to easily build rapport, effectively influence others to your way of thinking, inspire them to achieve more, and in the process make an ally for life. In other words, charisma is being able to get others to want to do what you want them to do and be excited to do it. In fact, they are moved to get others onboard to also help your cause.

Is charisma good or bad? Is gravity good or bad? Just like gravity, charisma is neutral. It is how you use the power that defines you as good or bad. Some would say Adolf Hitler, Charles Manson, and Benito Mussolini had charisma, and they might have had a few of the tools of charisma. In many cases, people have had some of the skills of charisma and used them in an unethical way. You could probably count more people in history and in your life who had charisma and used it in a good and honorable way. So what is the difference?

Let’s list the difference between the ethical and unethical uses of the power of charisma:

While I was doing research for this book, I conducted extensive interviews. I asked people how they would describe a person whom other people love to be around and want to be influenced by— whose presence captivates them and who makes them always want to achieve their potential. The word “charisma” came up the most to describe this skill. Is “charisma” the best word to describe the person who has instant influence over someone? I don’t know, but I have not found a better word. If you have one please let me know.

HOW TO USE THIS BOOK

This book explores the power of charisma. Research on charisma shows that you must learn and master certain skills, traits, and attributes. I have determined that there are 30 in all, and each has a chapter of its own. The more of these tools you master, the more charismatic and influential you will become.

I recommend you read this book the first time from cover to cover. After you read about each trait or characteristic of charisma, rate yourself (be honest!) at the end of each chapter, and keep a tally of each score at the end of the book. Then reread the chapters a second time, working from your greatest weakness to your greatest strength. Read a chapter a day, and apply the technique and assignment found in the Charisma Key at the end of each chapter.

This book will help you master the art and science of charisma. Each chapter discusses one of the 30 critical skills or traits required to master charisma and includes:

Quote: What has been said about this skill or trait?

Substance: The core information needed to master the skill or trait.

Blind Spot: The major blunder or mistake we usually make.

Application: How you can apply and use the principle.

Example: A current or historical example.

Charisma Key: Something you can do and apply right away.

SELF-PERCEPTION BIAS: THE GREAT BLIND SPOT

What is the greatest roadblock to charisma? What is taking you so long to achieve true success or become a person of great influence? We all have blind spots in our lives that impede us from working on the things that can launch us into greater success. I call our inability to see these blind spots self-perception bias. We all tend to rate our skills and traits higher than they actually are. However, to improve, grow, and become more successful, we have to know our weaknesses and be able to identify our blind spots. If we don’t know what they are, then we can never truly improve. We have to be honest with ourselves about our current levels of the skills, which I will show you how to identify in this book.

The reason self-perception bias has such a negative impact on our lives is because we tend to lie to ourselves. That’s the bottom line. We are blind to the truth. We deceive ourselves. Denial is our happy place where we can cover up our weaknesses to protect our self-esteem. We set expectations that are not based on reality or honest evaluation. It might seem nice to view the world through rose-colored glasses for a while, but, in the end, we’re setting ourselves up for failure. Self-perception bias manifests itself when we are evaluating a skill or talent that we expect ourselves to have or when others expect us to have that particular skill. When social pressure or social validation is involved, we make higher-than-expected evaluations of ourselves. Self-perception bias ultimately gives us an unrealistic view of reality and a false sense of security. We become numb to reality and fail to see exactly where we stand and what we need to improve.

We are good at judging others and pointing out what is wrong with them, but we don’t seem to apply that same kind of analysis to ourselves. The same is true for our skills. We feel we must gloss over our weaknesses to make things seem better than they actually are. We have to have the ability to honestly access ourselves—both our strengths and weaknesses—and then find the necessary discipline to improve our faults.

To drive this point home, you need to discover your own weaknesses and be honest with your own personal reality. To enhance your success, your influence, and your charisma, you need to know exactly what skills you have mastered and which ones you need to work on. If you were in sales and you were asked to rate your ability to connect with people or your product knowledge, you would be 90 percent likely to rate yourself above average on these skills, even though mathematically the validity of your assertion should be around 50 percent.⁴ You know all those poor managers you have met over the years? Over 90 percent of them will rate themselves better than the average manager. Did you know 80 percent of individuals perceive themselves as being brighter, better drivers, and more able entrepreneurs than their average peers?⁵ One study even found that most people believe themselves better than the average person in the following areas:⁶

Athletics

Intelligence

Organization

Ethic

Logic

Entertaining

Fair-Minded⁷

THE SOLUTION

The solution is all about true self-assessment. When I teach influence or self-mastery seminars, I ask my students to list the top ten reasons for their lack of success. They find plenty of reasons why they are not at fault for their inability to achieve their goals, but they rarely take ownership of their weaknesses or admit that the fault could lie with them. You can always ask yourself:

What are the skills and traits that I need to master to enhance my charisma?

What do I keep trying to do and why do I keep failing?

What are the missing skills that would turn my failures into success?

What traits do I need to develop to take my life, my career, and my income to the next level?

All I am asking is for you to be open as you read the different categories of mastering charisma. Remember that we all have different strengths and weaknesses. Each chapter explains the common blind spots for each trait and a solution to implement easily. Try to honestly assess yourself or have someone you trust give you feedback. Charismatic people are able to take a good, hard look at themselves and come to grips with the facts, both the good and the bad. When you can do this, you are able to make real progress. If all else fails, go to www.lawsofcharisma.com to take your charisma assessment online (only if you can handle the nonsugar-coated truth).

ADDITIONAL CHARISMA RESOURCES AND AUDIOS (LAWSOFCHARISMA.COM)

Support articles

Section support audio: “Persuasion Resistance: The 10 Common Obstacles”

Section worksheet

1. R. G. Lord, R. J. Foti, and C. L. De Vader. “A Test of Leadership Categorization Theory: Internal Structure, Information Processing, and Leadership Perceptions,” Organizational Behavior and Human Performance, Vol. 34 (1984), pp. 343–378.

2. Tony Alessandra, Charisma: Seven Keys to Developing the Magnetism That Leads to Success (Business Plus, 2000).

3. Gerry Spence, How to Argue and Win Every Time (Pan Books, 1997).

4. Kurt W. Mortensen, Persuasion IQ: The 10 Skills You Need to Get Exactly What You Want (New York: AMACOM, 2008).

5. Isabelle Brocas and Juan D. Carrillo, “Are We All Better Drivers Than Average? Self-Perception and Biased Behaviour,” CEPR Discussion Paper No. 3603 (October 2002).

6. T. Gilovich, How We Know What Isn’t So: The Fallibility of Human Reason in Everyday Life (New York: Free Press, 1991); S. E. Taylor and J. D. Brown, “Illusion and Well-being: A Social Psychological Perspective on Mental Health,” Psychological Bulletin, 103 (1988), pp. 193–210.

7. D. G. Myers, Social Psychology (New York: McGraw Hill, 1987), pp. 444–445.