How to be a Complete and Utter F**k Up is your ultimate ANTI life coach. Be warned: whatever you do, dont do the opposite of what you learn here or else youre in serious danger of making some positive changes and leading a more successful life.

How to be a Complete and Utter F**k Up turns the concept of self-improvement on its head. It brings together 47 and a half leading ideas in personal and business development, and oers a total antidote to the motivational, gung-ho, over-enthused tone of all the usual self-improvement guides.

Delivered in fast, easily digestible chunks, in a style that makes you laugh while you learn, this book oers tongue-in-cheek advice about what not to do to ensure certain failure in every aspect of your life. From not having any goals, to not getting advice from people youve never met or who are dead, to not taking personal responsibility for your life and results, every idea, strategy, suggestion and story is guaranteed to propel you into the slow lane of total inadequacy and has been tested with thousands of real people.

How to be a Complete and Utter F**k Up comes with a warning that you dont think about taking the direct opposite steps to those outlined in the guide, as this could seriously damage your chances of becoming a failure. Behind the humour, though, is good advice and a serious message. And whether you choose to heed the warning or not, its an extremely entertaining read.

Table of Contents

  1. Cover
  2. Title
  3. Copyright
  4. Contents
  5. About the author
  6. Publisher’s acknowledgements
  7. Preface to the third edition
  8. How to get the most from this guide
  9. Introduction
  10. 1 Don’t decide what you want. If you do decide what you want, don’t think about why you want it. And if you do decide why you want it, commit to believing you can’t have it
  11. 2 Don’t do things on purpose
  12. 3 Don’t stop working for a living
  13. 4 Don’t know what you value in life (and if you do, lose sight of it)
  14. 5 Don’t spend any of your time in the future
  15. 6 Don’t have any goals
  16. 7 If you do have goals, don’t put them in writing, and if you do, don’t think too big
  17. 8 Don’t plan your priorities
  18. 9 Don’t involve other people
  19. 10 Don’t have a mentor or be a mentor
  20. 11 Don’t get advice from people you’ve never met or who are dead
  21. 12 Don’t take action right now
  22. 13 Don’t get feedback on your actions
  23. 14 Don’t adjust
  24. 15 Don’t get even more feedback, don’t be flexible . . . (you get the idea)
  25. 16 Don’t practise continuous improvement
  26. 17 Don’t wear a parachute
  27. 18 Don’t change your beliefs
  28. 19 Don’t stop having a deep fear of fucking up and of making a fool of yourself
  29. 20 Don’t take personal responsibility for your life and results
  30. 21 Don’t stop believing in luck
  31. 22 Don’t expand your comfort zone
  32. 23 Don’t use inside-out thinking
  33. 24 Don’t put things in before you try to takethings out
  34. 25 Don’t control your moods
  35. 26 Don’t transform your language
  36. 27 Don’t think about the first four minutes
  37. 28 Don’t talk and think about what you want
  38. 29 Don’t go to the movies
  39. 30 Don’t stop being an unthinking dog
  40. 31 Don’t ask, “How do you do that?” Don’t act ‘as if’. And don’t be naïve
  41. 32 Don’t change the meaning of things
  42. 33 Don’t stop thinking only about money, money, money
  43. 34 Don’t have a good laugh
  44. 35 Don’t be creative or innovative
  45. 36 Don’t think of your own idea to go here
  46. 37 Don’t stop always taking ‘no’ for an answer
  47. 38 Don’t be grateful
  48. 39 Don’t commit to lifelong learning
  49. 40 Don’t be a leader
  50. 41 Don’t learn to communicate
  51. 42 Don’t understand the secrets of great teams and great customer service
  52. 43 Don’t develop winners and winning relationships
  53. 44 Don’t start moving
  54. 45 Don’t believe you can be a fun-loving non-drinker
  55. 46 Believe you can beat depression
  56. 47 Don’t step up. Don’t do extraordinary things
  57. 47 ½ Don’t stop doing everything by halves, that’s if you do anything at all
  58. Disclaimers
  59. Answers
  60. Index