Step

38

Don’t be grateful

The surveys say that moving house is one of the most stressful things you can do. We want the new house so, so much and are fearful that at any time things could fall through that we spend all our energy focusing on what we could lose instead of remembering what we already have. What we know from modelling fuck-ups is that they very rarely, if ever, take time to be grateful for what they already have, and instead moan about what they don’t have. It’s like the cartoon strip Peanuts which once showed Charlie Brown playing with half of a broken yo-yo. We see him having a great time playing fetch with his dog Snoopy. Then Charlie Brown’s girlfriend Lucy appears. “You stupid dummy,” she says. “You can’t have a good time with half a yo-yo. Everybody knows that.” The dejected ­Charlie Brown throws the broken toy away. “I’m sorry,” replies the little boy. “I didn’t know I couldn’t enjoy myself with a broken yo-yo.”

Whereas successful individuals take time, now and again, to count their blessings. So, for example, if they start to feel frustrated or stressed, say by the lack of movement on a house move, they content themselves with this thought: “If someone took away absolutely everything I have right now, would I be grateful to have it all back? You bet.” No matter how little you feel you have to be grateful for, I guarantee it will always be more than having nothing. Being grateful for what you have helps release you from what can seem like a problem or disappointment. That is because gratitude acknowledges what works instead of what doesn’t.

“Being grateful for what you have helps release you from what can seem like a problem or disappointment.”

Not only that, but gratefulness can be used as a means of attracting what you want in your life. World peace expert James Twyman says this: “When we ask for something to happen, the attention is on the fact that we don’t have it now. But when we feel that it has already occurred, then we put out an energy that actually draws that reality to us. Gratitude is a key element. It is very important to be grateful.” So if you want to push things away from you, don’t regularly ask yourself the following questions and don’t make a list of all the answers: “How can I allow myself to be grateful?” “Who am I grateful for in my life?” “What am I grateful for in my life?” Not asking questions like this helps you to stay negative because you’re looking for the bad instead of the good. And as you already know, we always find what we’re looking for.

One day in 2004 not very long after the terrible Boxing Day ­Tsunami had struck, and a couple of weeks before his twelfth birthday, Finlay (yes, the boomerang kid is back in the guide again) was moping about at home looking miserable. I asked him what was wrong and he said, “It’s my birthday soon and my life sucks.” So I said, “Why don’t you write down on a piece of paper everything that is troubling you.” He agreed and several minutes later, with a glum look on his face, he handed me this letter:

To Mum and Dad

glasses not clean.

No friends that have the same interests as me

Getting bad presents from realtives.

The amount of homework I get

How I am bored all the time (can we please do something at a weekend)

People always swearing at me when I walk home.

Tom being irratiting.

tom calling me ‘fat boy’.

No-one showing little interest in my magic

How I can’t meet other people and go places I want (is it REALLY THAT MUCH to ask?)

How no one pays attention when I am speaking at tea time.

How they are no pens in the house (note that I’m writing in pencil)

Can you try to do something?

PS These are 1/4 of my problems

Now upon reading this several thoughts occurred to me:

• •The reason that there are no glasses to drink from is because they are all under Finlay’s bed.
• •Bad presents from relatives. I think he means some of the aunties and uncles will forget, because they don’t see him that often, that he is no longer five years old and will buy him unsuitable presents. He’ll then have to smile and pretend he likes what they have bought him. Wait till he starts getting socks for Christmas.
• •I’m not exactly coming out of this as Super Dad on the keep me entertained front.
• •People swearing at him. That was worth finding out, must investigate.
• •Glad I didn’t have an older brother growing up.
• •I watch his magic tricks for hours on end and always engage him in conversation when we have a meal together (that’s one of the reasons we do it). Doesn’t matter, his perception is that I’m not interested. Must work harder at this.
• •At last he’s running out of things to moan about and has had to resort to the ‘can’t find a pen’ angle.
• •Blimey these are only a few of his problems. Was I like this when I was his age?

I then said to Finlay, “OK, now go write a list of things you can be grateful for.” This is what he came back with moments later, including the unusual spelling (it wasn’t very long but it was in ink so at least he’d now found a pen):

A loving family.

A Decent (well more than decent) house and possessions.

Not bieing dead in the Tsunami.

Bieing lucky to live in peace.

I took one look at what he’d written and, with a big lump in my throat, thought: “Thanks Finlay for pointing out to me some of the things I take for granted.” I felt very grateful indeed. So I said to Finlay, “Having done that little exercise, has it made you feel any better?” to which he replied, “Do you know Dad, it definitely has.” Do you think he really said that? Of course not. He actually said, “That was the biggest waste of time ever.” The thing is, at the time he was 11 years old. You’re not.

¹ Surely you don’t need me to tell you to be eternally grateful for all those who put themselves at risk on the front line while we stayed safe during the coronavirus pandemic.