Step

9

Don’t involve other people

You go into work one day and meet John (names have been changed to protect the guilty). You say, “Hi John, how are you?” John replies, “Fine,” to which you have to respond, “Well, will you tell your face?” The thing is not only do you become what you think about most of the time (see step 28), but you also become who you spend most of your time with. Thinking about your family, friends and associates for a moment: what are they like? Here is a less than exhaustive list of some of the characteristics of an utter failure in life, work and everything:

• •lots of moaning
• •frequent sighing
• •extremely low self-esteem
• •lacking any form of enthusiasm
• •no self-belief
• •spots and greasy hair (a bit of artistic licence here but that’s what they would look like if their bodies matched their minds)
• •pessimistic
• •lousy values, lousy vision, no sense of purpose, no goals
• •scared and/or jealous of success
• •blaming everything, and everyone, apart from themselves, for what they are, do and have.

Look, this list could go on and on, you get the idea, so let’s stop now, before I become too dejected.

Now, if you were to list the names of those people you spend most of your time with, how would each one score against the above out of ten? Scary eh? It’s hardly surprising you’re deeply depressed. So don’t stop hanging around with this gang; they’ll help sabotage your success at every turn. If you do go off and try to do something different or new, most of your current mates will see it as a threat. Which is why you can’t expect their support.

Dr Wayne Dyer believed that whether we live in Borneo orBirmingham, everyone belongs to a tribe. Every tribe operates to certain guidelines, customs and cultural norms. Some ensure the tribe’s survival, but many can hold the gifted individual back. Here is how Dr Dyer put it: “Let go of the idea that the tribe is going to give approval. When you’re learning anything that is outside the parameters of the tribe, what you are doing is saying: ‘I am going to evolve at a faster rate’. But if you go to the tribe and tell them that, immediately you’re going to be put in your place. The mantra of the tribe is: ‘But what will people think?’ The speed of the tribe is slow.” There’s more about this when we come to your relationship with alcohol later in this guide.

However, I’ve noticed that successful people deliberately associate with other successful people. They seek out the pacemakers – peoplewho are moving as quickly, probably even quicker, than they are. People who will challenge their thinking about what ispossible. They create what you might call a Mastermind Group. They understand the cumulative power of several minds. In Napoleon Hill’s classic book Think and Grow Rich, a whole chapter is about thebenefits – both financial and emotional – of creating and using a Mastermind Group. It makes sense to combine the power of several minds to solve problems, develop strategies and achieve results. But there are more advantages to it than that. As Hill wrote: “No two minds ever come together without, thereby, creating a third, invisible, intangible force which may be likened to a third mind.”