Humility First

Mentoring in challenging situations—with peers, people above, people who are different—requires an attitude of awe. Communicating that sense of wonderment is best done through an expression of raw, unedited humility. Humility is a special gift of managers who succeed as mentors. It is more than a gift in the case of peer, boss, and diversity mentoring—it’s the key to the front door. If you start off by showing off your expertise, you’re guaranteed to lose your noncaptive audience. When a boss is doing the mentoring, protégés think they have to listen, and perhaps even act interested—but peers will simply blow you off and not waste their time. Bosses in the protégé position know they rank above you—and have the right to not be engaged.

With anyone who is “different,” humility turns fear into connection—but humility is not a synonym for apology. To be humble means to be unassuming and egoless, acting from the soul without adding anything. You can be both humble and confident.