Communicating Anything, Allen-Style
Trust comes in part through communication that contains two features: task (underscore precision and authority) and personal (emphasis on empathy and consideration). When someone speaks with noticeable authority and crystal clarity, our trust meter goes up. When someone tries to communicate with us with our welfare obviously in mind, she or he gains our confidence. Interpersonal trust is by definition both personal and interpersonal—as in “between persons.” And the link we have between persons is our manner of communication.
Steve Allen was a master at both aspects of trust-building communication. His booming voice could be heard across a crowded party. And being well over six feet tall didn’t hurt his projection prowess. But it was his purity of purpose that latchkeyed attention. “He was a man who spoke with conviction,” said his protégé Andy Williams. “When he spoke, people listened because he not only knew what he was talking about, he sounded like he knew what he was talking about.” When he invited his audiences to give him a subject on which he would craft a song on the spot, he got plenty of volunteers. Audiences knew that his confident requests not only telegraphed his assurance but also would lead to their amusement, not to feeding his arrogance.
When you talk with your protégé, think of it as trust-building communication that increases in cost with each nonessential word you use … verbosity is expensive; brevity is cost-effective. Focus on being precise and particular. That’s the task element in gaining trust. But here is the equally important part: as you subtract syllables, add expressions of kindness. Trust is just as much about communicating sincere interest in your protégé as it is about scrupulous attention to clarity.
When offering advice or feedback, keep your suggestions crisp and obvious; speak with the confidence of your experience. When getting feedback from your protégé, be quickly appreciative and bold in unearthing additional learning; show confidence in your ability to transform even negative observations into an opportunity for growth. It is the centeredness a sage might communicate to a student, the peacefulness a tutor might convey to a new pupil.
Steve Allen’s genius lies not in the archives of his many TV sketches or the books and music that line library walls. It lives on in the many famous entertainers who reflect his tutelage. When the late Andy Williams crooned Moon River, or scaredy-cat Don Knotts stammered, “But, but, but, Andy … ,” or Steve Lawrence and Eydie Gorme sang, Our Love Is Here to Stay, a little bit of Steve Allen shone through. And mentors who learn to build trust Allen-style are likewise blessed by his legacy.