Put Your Protégé in Charge of Cueing You

Being a poor listener is habit forming. Focusing takes effort; mirroring takes patience. Meanwhile, the clock is ticking on getting that order out, you are eager to check your iPhone, two calls are on hold, three people are pacing the waiting room, and you’re finishing up a meeting with your protégé. Who could be a great listener under these circumstances? Answer: not even Superman! You need assistance from the only person who can help you—your protégé!

Here’s how you ask for it: “George, I need your help. I know there are times when I’m not the listener I want to be. But most of the time when I’m being a lousy listener, I’m not aware I’m doing it. That’s where you can help. When you think you’re not getting my undivided attention, I’d appreciate your letting me know. I may get better, I may reschedule our meeting to a better time, or I may just keep on being a lousy listener. But I don’t have a shot at improving unless I know when I need to, and you’re the best person to tell me.”

Protégés are not stupid. They will hear the words of your request, but they’ll be skeptical until they see you act. You may have to ask several times before your protégé takes you at your word. And unless you express your gratitude—no matter how accurate the assessment or how successful the result—your protégé may decide not to risk your displeasure and withdraw. Prime the feedback pump, conscientiously listen to and value whatever you get, and, in time, the quality and helpfulness of the feedback will improve.

Good mentors do not listen passively; they listen dramatically. They demonstrate through their words and actions that the thoughts of their protégés are welcome and useful. When people feel heard, they feel valued. Feeling valued, they are more likely to take risks and experiment. Only through trying new steps do they grow and learn. The bottom line is this: if your goal is to be a great mentor, start by using your noise-management skills to help you fully use your talents as a great listener.