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CASE STUDY
Respect Everyone

An Interview with Frances Hesselbein, President and CEO of the Frances Hesselbein Leadership Institute

How would you characterize or describe your most important mentor?

It will surprise most people to learn that my most important mentor was my grandmother and our mentoring began, consciously, when I was eight years old.

Since the beginning of my career, I have had several influential fellow travelers—Peter Drucker, Marshall Goldsmith, John W. Gardner—who have had a powerful and positive impact upon my life and work, yet it was my grandmother’s teachings that had and continue to have this incredible influence and impact.

What were the traits you found most instrumental in their work with you?

“Respect for all people” was the trait. The most significant lesson I learned from that trait became a compelling force in my life.

A second trait was the art of listening or, as Peter Drucker expanded it, “Think first, speak last,” and “Ask, don’t tell.” My grandmother in the mountains of western Pennsylvania long ago lived and in her life shared these powerful qualities with a little girl growing up.

What is one example/incident/illustration of how they were helpful to you?

A powerful illustration story told to me by my grandmother, Mama Wicks, follows:

“Long ago, when your mother was eight years old, some days she and her little sisters would come home from school crying that the bad boys were chasing Mr. Yee and calling him bad names.

“Now in this little town was a Chinese laundry man, who lived alone in his small one-room laundry shed. Each week he picked up your grandfather’s shirts and brought them back in a few days, washed, starched, ironed perfectly.

“Mr. Yee wore traditional Chinese dress—a long tunic, a cap with his hair in a queue.

The boys would chase him, teasing him, calling him, ‘Chinky, Chinky Chinaman’ and worse, and would try to pull his queue.”

One day there was a knock on the kitchen door; my grandmother opened the door and there stood Mr. Yee, with a large package wrapped in newspaper in his arms. My grandmother said, “Oh, Mr. Yee, please come in. Won’t you sit down?” Mr. Yee stood there, handed Mama Wicks the package, and said, “This is for you.”

She opened the package and in it were two beautiful ancient Chinese vases. She said, “Mr. Yee—these are too valuable. I could not accept them.” He said, “I want you to have them. I am going back home. They won’t let me bring my wife and children here and I miss them too much, so I am going back to China. The vases are all I brought with me. I want you to have them.” My grandmother said, “Mr. Yee, why do you want me to have them?” He replied, “Mrs. Wicks, I have been in this town for ten years and you are the only one who ever called me ‘Mr. Yee.’”

There were tears in his eyes as he said good-bye. And went back to China. Hearing the story, I cried my heart out in my grandmother’s arms, for Mr. Yee.

That was long ago—the defining moment when I learned respect for all people, the defining moment that would stay with me, would shape my life with passion for diversity, for inclusion, respect, and civility.

When my grandmother died, she left a little note, “I want Frances to have the Chinese vases.”

Today, they are in my living room, in Easton, Pennsylvania, on a shelf surrounded by a wall of books. I walk into my living room where the vases remind me of Mr. Yee and the lesson he and Mama Wicks taught me when I was eight years old, “respect for all people.”

What advice or feedback did this person provide that was helpful to you?

Respect for all people.

“Look deeply into the eyes of the person speaking, listen to every word. Listen, smile, and show respect.” “Good manners are essential. No matter what the message, the situation, we listen and respond with respect and, always good manners.” Years later, Peter Drucker must have been on the same wavelength as Mama Wicks when he said, “Civility is the lubricating oil of effective organizations.”