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The Elements of Trust Making

“This Could Be the Start of Something Big!”

Most of the advice we receive from others is not so much evidence of their affection for us, as it is evidence of their affection for themselves.

Josh Billings

“I’ll be back to get you when school is out,” a parent promises as her youngster exits the car with book bag in tow. So begins an all-important trust gap—the space between a promise made in the morning and the promise kept (or broken) in the afternoon. The level of anxiety the child experiences during the day depends on whether past experiences are more “Mom always comes” or “Sorry I’m late again; traffic was terrible.”

We all live our lives on promises. From the time a child can grasp the concept of “cross my heart and hope to die,” there is a forever realization that anxiety can be reduced only through proof of trust while waiting for a promise to be kept. From “Scout’s honor” to “I do” to “the whole truth and nothing but the truth,” we seek cues that allay our worries. Lifeguards, the bus schedule, and the spotlessness of a hospital room are all obvious artifacts of assurances.

The world of work has many forms of promises waiting to be kept. We recollect the evident power of trust when we see brand names that have attached guarantees to their offerings—FedEx, Domino’s Pizza, Hampton Inn, Nordstrom, and L.L. Bean. And we sense its subtle power when the hotel finds our reservation, the newspaper is on the front porch, the bank statement is completely accurate, or mentors do exactly as they promise.

Protégés are exactly like the youth in this all-too-familiar story. Mentoring begins with a promise made or implied followed by a gap. The trust gap is the emotional space between hope and evidence, between expectation and fulfillment. Trust is the emotion that propels protégés to the other side of the gap. Insecurity and doubt are not required features of the trust gap. But requiring protégés to walk on the high wire of faith is clearly an inescapable component of every mentoring encounter. The journey across the high wire of faith is a trip with or without anguish, based only on the net of trust the mentor ensures is there to support passage.

There are many dimensions to managing the trust gap. A reputation as a promise keeper can help. Reminders can be communicated along the path that a promise made has not been forgotten. And there can be verbal and nonverbal cues that say to the protégé, “I am trustworthy—that is, worthy of your trust.”