Communicating Genuineness, Allen-Style

Trust starts with authenticity. We trust another when we perceive his or her motives to be genuine or credible. And Steve Allen was always dramatically real! His assertive authenticity quickly calmed even the most uptight star-in-the-making. On one famous sketch on the forerunner of The Tonight Show, Allen got tickled at his own joke. The more he laughed, the more tickled he became. Instead of stopping to regain his composure, he simply let his honest giggle attack run rampant. It was unadulterated authenticity, expressed out loud. It counts among the funniest sketches in television history.

Although one of the most brilliant comedians in entertainment history, Allen always seemed awed by his capacity. He seemed so busy looking ahead at what he could be that he gave no time to gloating over what he had been. His fans and protégés say that his coaching conversations were more joint exploration than boasting exhibitions.

You’re not a Steve Allen, you say? No matter. There are many ways you can demonstrate authenticity, especially at the beginning of the mentoring session. Start with a pleasant facial expression. Greet your protégé like you are sincerely glad to see him or her. Communicate your enthusiasm for the privilege of mentoring and what it can mean for both of you. Look for a way to provide an early honest compliment. And always remember two things: be completely honest, and never communicate in a manner that might be perceived by your protégé as patronizing. “You have a great reputation for being an enthusiastic learner” can be a much more powerful way to start building trust than “That sure is a handsome laptop case.”

If you are feeling a bit anxious, say so—but in a fashion that helps build a bond. “I’m a bit overwhelmed by this mentoring assignment … but, at the same time I’m excited about what we can accomplish together” is much preferred to “I’m really nervous, are you?” Reveal something personal about yourself, especially something that your protégé may not know and that could provide insight into who you are. “I’m kind of a private person, and I may seem a bit hard to get to know at first” is much better than “I like baseball, Pabst Blue Ribbon^® beer, and people who tell me what’s on their mind. How about you?”