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Invitations to Risk

Acceptance as a Nurturer of Courage

When we see that to learn, we must be willing to look foolish, to let another teach us, learning doesn’t always look so good anymore.… Only with the support and fellowship of another can we face the dangers of learning meaningful things.

Peter Senge

Learning can be a scary proposition. The protégé’s path is not only potentially embarrassing, awkward, and unpleasant; it generally comes with no guarantee of success. And learning in its rawest form almost always entails a public display of weakness. Learning without entry into the dis-comfort zone is not likely to be true learning. No one learns to walk without falling a lot, and higher levels of learning are no different. Learning without facing some chance of failure is superficial progress, not real, integrated change.

Learners are brave pioneers. They leave a comfortable, safe “who I am” in search of an unknown, vulnerable “who I can be.” They are willing to withstand emotional “arrows in the back” as they blaze unfamiliar territory, abandoning a space of inner security to engage in temporary recklessness. They boldly take steps knowing skinned knees (and egos) are in the offing. There is a sort of an emotional masochism at play when an imagined benefit outweighs established certainty and the learner deliberately plunges into a realm of probable anxiety. What can a mentor do to support such pioneering recklessness? What can a mentor do to stir learner bravery? How can mentors guide protégés to take responsible risks?

Courage is not an attribute or quality to be bestowed, despite our language to the contrary. We don’t really give courage, as if it is something one imparts or donates to another. Instead, think of courage as a preexisting condition, there to be awakened. Like a shy child on the fringe of a noisy party, courage is a trait that is already present but in need of an invitation to “join the fun.” The role of mentor is to partner with the protégé to surface courage and then to support the protégé in recognizing its presence. Acceptance is the context in which that surfacing and supporting occur.

Acceptance entails actions that communicate unconditional positive regard. Acceptance is confirmation without concurrence. It says, “I value you even if I disagree with you or disapprove of your actions.” Acceptance is a living announcement of worth. It is communicating the sentiment contained in Mary Haskell’s quote: “Nothing you become will disappoint me.… I have no desire to foresee you, only to discover you. You can’t disappoint me.” In a mentoring partnership, it is an invitation to risk, extended to the protégé in three ways: dynamic modeling, judgment-free communication, and rational affirmation.