Chapter 3
The Control-Freak Boss
The Problem
Your boss is smothering you. At first you thought, “It’s because I’m new—that’s why he insists on reviewing every document before I distribute it and sitting in on all my meetings.” But now that you’re no longer learning your role, the tight leash feels downright oppressive and embarrassing. The other day, he actually scolded you for having a hallway chat with one of his peers about an idea you’ve been kicking around. You’re hardworking, competent, smart. How are you ever going to escape your boss’s shadow?
Why It Happens
Your boss is acting this way for a reason—though he may not be aware of it. Think about what could be driving his behavior. Try to get past the easy answer—it’s probably not that he’s evil or that he truly wants to keep you from being successful. Rather, his actions might be explained by factors that have little to do with you, such as a poor understanding of his role as manager, a micromanaging boss of his own, a lack of motivation to question how he’s always done things, or personal insecurity.
What to Do About It
“Few people get the guidance they need to become good managers,” says Carol Walker, a principal at Prepared to Lead, “and just about all of them have some insecurities about their competence. Accepting this may help you feel a little less frustrated with your boss. It’s likely he’s simply a flawed human being who thinks he is doing his best.”
It can be hard to see things that way when your boss isn’t cutting you any slack. His harping about every small misstep you take can feel overwhelmingly personal. But you don’t have to resign yourself to being nitpicked to death. “You can’t change your boss,” Walker says, “but you have more power to improve the situation than you probably realize. It must be a process, not an event. It’s a process that you have to own and direct.”
Avoid his panic buttons
Form an educated guess about where your boss’s sensitivities lie. If you believe, for example, that he’s intimidated by those above him, think of ways you can alleviate that pressure, such as running reports to better prepare him for meetings with his manager. Or perhaps he’s afraid that people don’t perceive him as essential, and he’s on a tear to prove how much you and others need him. Dispel his fears, advises communication and branding expert Dorie Clark, author of Reinventing You. Show him that you value his guidance. Ask him for feedback. Bring him any news you hear, and take your ideas to him before sharing them with others. As your boss begins to trust that you’ll come to him without prompting, he may loosen his grip.
Once you get to know him better, you’ll gain more insight into the areas he’s touchy about. Looking at what has set him off historically—budget surprises? schedule changes?—will help you find ways of putting him at ease now, says Clark. Then you can assemble a dashboard to keep your boss as informed as he wants to be. Agree on your top priorities and the metrics that will demonstrate progress, and ask him how often he’d like to receive updates.
Your proactive, tailored-to-him system will comfort him. That’s important, since micromanaging often stems from a boss’s insecurity. “I call it ‘snoopervising,’” says Stewart Tubbs, former dean of the College of Business at Eastern Michigan University. Turn the behavior around by preempting it: Tell your boss you want him to feel he can count on you and your work. Frequently report to him on your progress—before he can even think to check up on you. And use language that signals active listening. Tubbs recalls one young man who said “Consider it done” at the end of every meeting with his boss. Another young woman said “Understood” to show that she was engaged and on board. This isn’t about simply placating your boss, notes Tubbs. You have to earn his trust by performing well. These employees consistently delivered, so over time their verbal reassurance meant something and helped their bosses relax.
Don’t fight it
If you openly rebel against micromanagement, Clark cautions, your boss may clamp down even more. Leadership consultant Ron Ashkenas agrees. Instead of viewing it as a blow to your ego, he suggests, think about how you might actually benefit from it. Your boss may have your best interests in mind. Perhaps he wants to ensure that you have a sound understanding of the company’s protocol or the most effective ways to work the system to get things done.
Regardless of the cause, says Ashkenas, accept that your boss may have something important to teach you. Just try to learn as much as you can, as quickly as you can—in case he doesn’t eventually let up and you decide you can’t take it anymore.
Scrutinize yourself
If your boss doesn’t appear to have faith in your ability to do your job, consider whether you’ve given him a reason to feel this way. Have you missed important deadlines? Delivered presentations that fell flat? Assembled proposals that failed to win business? Take a hard look at yourself—and look around. If your boss isn’t micromanaging other colleagues, his behavior could be a clue that you’re underperforming.
If you suspect that’s the case, ask him about it, says Clark. Tell him you feel he’s monitoring you extra closely and you want to understand what’s behind it. Is there a particular area where he feels you need guidance? Some bosses are reluctant to be straight with employees about their shortcomings, especially if criticism might be met with hostility. They may go to extremes, such as overly aggressive monitoring, to avoid having awkward conversations. So make it easier for your boss: Say you’re genuinely interested in feedback on your weaknesses, even if it’s hard to hear. Stay calm as you listen to the feedback (don’t even let a grimace cross your face). Once you get a clear sense of where you stand, you’ll have a better shot at addressing his concerns.
Thank your boss for his insights and tell him that you want to come back to him with an improvement plan. You might need to soothe your ego for a day or two, but the sooner you return to him with a proposal, the more seriously he’ll take you. Ask if he can recommend potential mentors (inside or outside the company). See if human resources might help by suggesting a course to develop your project management or public speaking skills. If you approach the conversation openly—and then earnestly work on your shortcomings—you’ll likely find your boss trusting you more and more.
Look ahead
Focusing on your future may help you and your boss interact more productively in the present. So initiate a discussion about your long-term professional goals. Set up a one-on-one meeting, or ask if you can use one of your scheduled check-ins to talk about your role. Explain that you want to start communicating more regularly—and explicitly—about your growth and about how else you could support the department. Give him some examples of the types of projects you’d like to work on and the future role you envision for yourself. Say you’re ready for more independence, and you’d like some opportunities to demonstrate that. Emphasize how important his feedback is to your growth. Offer some ideas on how you might realize your vision—and see if he can suggest others.
MICROMANAGED: LUKE’S STORY
WHAT HAPPENED:
After I’d worked for years at a large company, my two bosses moved me to a small division to run the problem child: a startup that had already cycled through three directors in two years. My bosses had many other people reporting to them, but I was their chief focus because the new venture had already burned through a lot of money on an untested model. They micromanaged like crazy. They had no idea what would work, so they tried 10 new things a week, yanking the team this way and that. I realized pretty quickly that my job was to manage them, to serve as a heat shield in hopes of keeping my staff on something resembling a plan.
But I wasn’t able to do that at our staff lunches at the end of each week, when everyone in the division piled into a large conference room to share updates and brainstorm ideas. The room was filled with both senior and junior staff. Anything could set off my more volatile boss, whose sidekick would then join him in publicly stomping me or my managers to a pulp over a perceived lapse in procedure or strategy. When the controller couldn’t spit out numbers fast enough to answer any and all questions fired at him—what do we know about X this week?—he was pummeled, and then so was I for not having him prepare properly for the meeting. And on it went, week after week. I would spend each weekend scrambling to contain whatever damage had been done or rushing off to the next fire that the bosses had declared our New Top Priority. These lunches were, of course, in addition to daily floggings, plus phone calls night and day (Sunday, 7 am: “Why didn’t you know this server was down since 4 am?”).
WHAT I DID:
Finally, after two years of this, my beleaguered controller and I hit upon one number that hadn’t yet been questioned: How much had we spent on these lunches? When I mentioned the number in a cost-cutting discussion, suddenly the lunches went from weekly to biweekly. Then monthly. Then not at all. I didn’t cure my bosses of their management styles. But at least I managed to take some of the sting out of my week.
DID LUKE GET IT RIGHT?
Luke probably couldn’t have diffused his bosses’ control-freak tendencies altogether in such a highly charged situation—the running of a troubled start-up division. But he was savvy in using costs, an issue they cared about deeply, to get them to drop the painful, unproductive lunches. Luke could have also tried to get ahead of their expectations. Knowing they saw such meetings as opportunities to grill employees on the spot, Luke could have used the time to showcase how his staff was on top of problems. And he could have met with his boss privately in advance to suss out areas of concern and then prepared his staff to address them with metrics or analysis. Finally, he could have proposed cost-control measures on a monthly or quarterly basis, because he knew his bosses would always respond favorably to that sort of discussion.
Keep the conversation constructive and forward-looking. Complaining about the past won’t open your boss’s mind or make him want to support you, Walker says. Being positive and taking ownership will. Let him know that you appreciate his guidance, but you’re eager to spread your wings a little, too.
Ashkenas says junior colleagues at his firm have had this conversation with him—and it’s worked well. He admits he struggles to fight his own micromanager tendencies. “I don’t think I’m a control freak, but I do have strong feelings about quality,” he says. His colleagues were subtle, but he understood what they were getting at (“Ron, do you still want to see the final slides and documents in advance?” “Would it be all right if I worked directly with the client to finish these?”). When people have diplomatically pointed this out to him, he’s been happy to find ways to step back—once they’ve demonstrated that they can meet his quality standards.
Ease your boss’s fears by emphasizing that you’re willing to take this in steps. Chances are he’ll welcome your enthusiastic, respectful approach—not resist it. If he does resist, there’s little point in fighting, Ashkenas says. “If your boss isn’t ready or willing to let go, it might take more time for him to trust you and have confidence.” You can revisit the subject down the line. Or, Ashkenas says, it might be possible that his need for being involved is so deep-seated and emotional that it will never change.
If your boss is receptive, however, thank him. But that meeting is just the beginning. Offer to update him on your progress at your regular check-ins, advises Walker. Use those meetings to share your thinking with him—not just what you’re going to do but why. Ultimately your boss has to trust not only that you’ll follow his instructions but also that you’ll tackle problems in a way he approves. Close each meeting by proposing next steps and getting his buy-in.
Develop other champions
If your boss is micromanaging you, others may notice and start questioning your skills. That’s why it’s critical to build relationships outside his ken. “It’s so important not to have all your eggs in one basket. Have points of contact with other people who can see your good work,” says leadership expert Herminia Ibarra. You want them to get to know you and see what you’re capable of when you’re unfettered by your controlling boss.
Join interdepartmental committees, and get involved in cross-disciplinary pursuits. Organize a companywide volunteer day or a brown-bag lunch series that brings industry luminaries into your office. But avoid dabbling in areas where your boss considers himself the expert: He might feel upstaged by your efforts and pull the plug on them—or try to insinuate himself. Tell him what you’d like to do before you volunteer so that you don’t take him by surprise and trigger his instinct to micromanage.