Coping with a Conflict-Averse Boss

by Anne Field

Does your boss avoid conflict at any cost? Do you find it difficult to get the resources you need because your boss won’t advocate for you? Does she push your team to the brink because she fears saying no to requests from above?

Here’s how to cope—and get the critical feedback and guidance you need.

Make Conflict More Comfortable

Having a defensive and conflict-averse boss doesn’t mean you can never disagree with him. When an issue crops up, frame it in terms that will get the best results for your business. Play devil’s advocate. Ask lots of “what if?” questions. “What if our printer continues to have quality-control issues? Might it be a good idea to start investigating other options now just in case?” Use gentle lead-ins such as “I might be off base here, but . . .” or “This might sound like a crazy idea, but . . .” all the while reassuring your boss that you’re working toward the same goal as he is.

Focus on Problem Solving

If you need to talk about a difficult issue with your boss, focus on the problem, not the people. This will help establish neutral ground.

Offer specific suggestions. For example, if your weekly team meeting has turned into a gripe session for your colleagues, volunteer to create and distribute agendas. “I know how busy you are preparing the Williams presentation, so why don’t I poll everyone for agenda items for this week’s meeting?” You’ll help provide a structure for your boss to approve and then follow.

Gather Supporting Evidence

If you want your boss to use her authority on your behalf, give her everything she needs to build her case: assemble data, write drafts, zero in on how your request fits into larger unit or organizational goals.

For example, a manager in a consumer products company dragged her feet when her staff urged her to ask for a bigger budget. So, they gathered the necessary backup, specifying each team member’s duties, and the resources needed to meet their goals. They highlighted how meeting their goals would contribute to the unit’s overall strategy. With that ammunition in hand, the boss approached senior management with greater confidence.

Put It in Writing

If your boss dreads face-to-face conversations, especially performance reviews, send him e-mails and brief documents outlining your key accomplishments and areas of development. This will make it easier for him to engage in a productive conversation with you—rather than coming up with the documentation on his own.

Guidelines can also help your conflict-averse boss work with larger groups. If his glossing over disagreements inhibits your team’s ability to air differences, check your perception with your teammates offline. If they also feel that he’s squelching productive debates in favor of peaceful chats, raise the issue with your boss in a one-on-one meeting. Propose that a little debate might help stoke the team’s creativity and that setting ground rules for such discussions would ensure that they’re productive. Volunteer to take notes to help keep the creative ideas moving along to implementation.

Ease In

If you know that your boss will find a conversation awkward or unpleasant, don’t rush into it. Instead, open with a neutral, nonthreatening icebreaker. Cite a recent newspaper article about a common interest. Ask about her child or pet. Once you sense that she’s comfortable, ease into the discussion.

Anne Field is a business writer based in Pelham, New York.

Adapted from reprint #C0504A