Chapter 8
The Clique
The Problem
There’s a group of “golden” people in your office. They get assigned to high-profile projects, receive lots of public praise for their work, and ascend the ranks faster than others. They’re a tight crowd: They have one another’s backs in meetings and socialize after work. You’ve never been tapped to be on their teams. You’re good at your job; you’re just not in the right circle.
Why It Happens
Office cliques form—and thrive—for lots of reasons. Sometimes, for instance, you’ll find bands of colleagues who have moved together from other companies, particularly in industries that are worlds unto themselves, such as media and technology. (And it makes sense: As leadership expert Herminia Ibarra points out, research consistently shows that the key to getting a new job is networking.) When people know one another socially or from past jobs, they naturally have stronger, deeper ties.
FITTING IN: REBECCA’S STORY
WHAT HAPPENED:
I was thrilled when I got a foot-in-the-door position at a really hot company. But I was definitely low woman on the totem pole, with a low salary to match. On days that my coworkers rounded one another up for lunch, I literally couldn’t afford to join them, but I wanted them to ask me. They were the office in crowd. Not only did they eat together—they shared weekend plans and tales, and had an easy, comfortable rapport with the boss. They were never mean to me, but I was invisible to them.
WHAT I DID:
I collaborated with one of the “cool kids” on a couple of projects, as her junior, and I worked really hard on them, which made her look good. She warmed up to me after that and started extending invitations to join the group for dinner and drinks after work—usually spontaneously, so I didn’t have time to budget. But I said yes the first time I was asked, not wanting to lose my opening.
After that night, they still occasionally invited me along. And occasionally not. I didn’t say yes every time—didn’t have the cash—but I knew I’d somehow cracked the group. And with that, I was more accepted at work. I felt more part of things, and I think my work was better, too. I gained confidence. But in time, I also realized I more naturally gravitated toward people who took joy in their work. Bonding over drinks wasn’t really my thing. So I started working, somewhat voluntarily, late nights in the office. Those of us who stayed after hours got free dinner and cabs home on the company, so money wasn’t an issue. The dinners I shared huddled in an office conference room felt much more like bonding experiences to me. We talked about work, we talked about ourselves, we built mutual respect. Little by little, I found my own in crowd, and it was a much better fit.
DID REBECCA GET IT RIGHT?
Rebecca found a toehold into the clique, and that was all to the good, because it helped her integrate with her colleagues. And she learned soon enough that she was better off making personal connections with colleagues she respected and admired than hanging out with the flashiest group. Building her own in crowd worked beautifully, because those relationships would make her happier and more connected with her job in the long run.
Of course, they also tend to gel if they frequently work together on projects. They understand and trust one another’s strengths and weaknesses, and even have shorthand ways of communicating that outsiders might not understand at first. In other words, they cultivate a group “emotional intelligence,” to use psychologist Daniel Goleman’s term. In teams, emotional intelligence can be critical to doing great work, but it’s not automatic—it must develop over time.
When senior managers see a group operating so smoothly, why wouldn’t they go with that well-oiled machine for the next big project? Though they don’t mean to deny others chances to excel and advance, that’s often the unfortunate outcome.
What to Do About It
If you find yourself outside the right clique at work, you may miss out on opportunities—both professional and social. But you don’t have to sit at your desk just waiting for someone to notice you and invite you along. Break into the group—or build your own.
Work with the existing clique
Don’t let the golden children get all the heat and light. Even if you’re not invited to contribute to their big projects, express interest in them. Leadership consultant Ron Ashkenas advises, “You can say to your boss or colleagues, ‘I know I’m not on that assignment, but could I sit in on a status meeting to learn more about it?’” And once you’re in the room, offer to pitch in. Raise your hand for any role to start with, says Ashkenas: “Be willing to do some scut work to prove yourself.” Volunteer for all-hands-on-deck QA work, for instance, or offer to update process documentation. When you do help out, overdeliver—and look for even more ways to showcase what you can do. People will start to see what you bring to the party, and in time you may find yourself a regular in the go-to group. Ashkenas recalls a client’s secretary who successfully did this years ago. “She volunteered to sit in on meetings and take notes,” Ashkenas says. “She created great summaries and eventually helped do some secondary research in support of the project. A few months later, my client had promoted her to an analyst role and hired a new secretary.”
Another alternative, Ashkenas says, is to ask a member of the golden group to mentor you. That will require a long-term commitment on both sides. But if you can identify someone in the clique you could learn from—and she’d be willing to invest time and energy in your development—that might provide you with entrée as well.
Form your own alliances
Maybe chumminess at the office feels artificial to you or seems like a waste of time. You may be thinking, Why put aside my “real” work just to make friends? But the reality is, it’ll help you do your work more effectively.
First, you’ll gain support for your ideas. No matter how respected you might be individually, you’ll always bolster your case by lining up allies. Suppose, for example, you’re proposing a new CRM database. You’ll need buy-in from your IT colleagues because they’ll be involved in picking and maintaining the software if the project becomes a reality. So you’ll want a buddy in IT to help you think through how to enlist his team’s support before you bring your idea to senior managers.
Second, people will share more information with you if they feel connected to you. When they catch wind of a big decision or organizational change in the offing, you’ll hear about it sooner—so you’ll have more time to prepare for it. If you’re not part of an informal alliance, people simply won’t think to clue you in.
To form alliances that’ll give your ideas traction and keep you informed, you’ll need to network deliberately and efficiently (see chapter 16, “Forging Alliances”). Ask your boss and a trusted mentor or two which people in the organization you should get to know better, suggest leadership consultants Kathryn Heath, Mary Davis Holt, and Jill Flynn. Set up lunches with those folks. Find out about their pet projects and challenges.
Flynn adds: “Get a big-picture view of whatever company you are working in. What are the challenges? Who are the leaders? Have that down cold in your mind.” Then, she says, you can seize opportunities to talk with colleagues about these issues. But make your outreach subtle. “You shouldn’t make an appointment to interview the person and just sit there taking notes,” suggests Flynn. “Formal is your last resort.”
Flynn coached someone who had identified a power player she wanted to learn from at her company. But he was busy and didn’t know her well, and they didn’t interact much on the job. So Flynn’s client figured out a natural way to collaborate with him and build a relationship. She offered to help him with a big training session he held once a year—to organize it, run errands, whatever he needed. He gratefully accepted, and that was the start of a productive mentoring relationship.
Create opportunities to socialize with the colleagues you’re eager to know. Another client of Flynn’s discovered that a couple of important people in her company took the train home at a certain time every day. So for a few weeks, she kept an eye out for them on their way to the train. When she spotted them, she walked along with them, chatting as they went. “It worked,” Flynn says. “They became comfortable with her, and she learned a lot.”
It’s essential to do all this in a way that feels and looks authentic—you don’t want to come off as a stalker. The key is to initiate relationships before you need them, so it’s not just about angling for favors. Otherwise, you won’t have the stomach for it, and you’ll end up avoiding alliances rather than building them. And that can have a devastating impact on your career, says Kent Lineback, coauthor of Being the Boss. Very few people rise to the top of their profession without allies to support them along the way. It might be critical, for example, to have them backing your candidacy for a sought-after promotion. Or to have a go-to team for high-profile projects you need to knock out of the park.
Lineback knows this all too well. Years ago, he didn’t focus on building relationships outside his own department, even though he held a senior management position. “I just didn’t want to,” he recalls. During a strategic-review meeting, Lineback shared his ideas about what direction the company should go. He was stunned when nobody responded with even a glimmer of enthusiasm. He had carefully worked through his proposal with members of his own group, but he hadn’t gut-checked or socialized it with anyone in the room ahead of time. And no one there felt obliged to give him the benefit of the doubt—he didn’t have anyone in his camp. After the meeting, a consultant involved in the review pulled Lineback aside and offered his two cents on what went wrong: “You didn’t build any bridges,” he said.
“I knew he was right,” Lineback says. “It was one of those instant recognitions. I hadn’t wanted to dilute my idea, make it messy, by bringing other senior people in. Shame on me. After a while, you realize you have to be plugged in.”
Connecting with colleagues doesn’t have to be self-serving or manipulative. Be transparent with them about what you’re hoping to achieve, whether it’s gaining a broader understanding of the organization, exploring other career paths in the company, or something else entirely. But also make it clear that you want the relationships to go both ways. And then, of course, look for opportunities to support them.
This worked for Heath and Flynn, who formed an alliance back when they worked in different departments of the same company. Over the years, they’ve found ways to support each other, discovered opportunities for each other, and generally enjoyed working together. Initially Heath reported to Flynn, but they later became peers. “It’s not a social relationship,” Heath explains, “but we’re best friends in a professional sense.” While they were trying to figure out how to navigate the company, they’d each pass along feedback or news that might be helpful to the other. “We would trade information,” Heath says. On more than one occasion, they trusted each other to discuss job opportunities that would take them outside the company. “One time I was getting ready to take another job and she said, ‘You’re running away from something . . .’” Heath recalls. “We were pretty straight with each other. You need to have a truth teller in your group, and we just became that for each other.”
They ultimately parlayed their successful partnership into a consulting firm, Flynn Heath Holt Leadership (with Mary Davis Holt). If you can build strong relationships with people you respect—as they did—the time you invest will have long-term benefits for you and your allies.