Index
anxiety, 213, 223. See also self-care
apologizing, 179. See also relationships
aspirations, 44–46. See also priorities
authenticity
identities and, 60
self-care and, 186
autonomy, 67, 70. See also decision-making
avocational domain, 44. See also domains
bedtime, 232–233. See also self-care
belonging, the need for, 149. See also friendships
bereavement leave, 142. See also flexible work arrangements
blue light, 234. See also sleep
boundaries
days off and, 95–99. See also time management
flexible working arrangements and, 134–135
managing around identities, 59–60
parenting and, 173
personal crises and, 139
setting, 73–82
between work and play, 173
brainstorming
possibilities in Total Leadership exercise, 9
for two-career couples, 156–160
breaks, 204, 212. See also self-care
Bregman, Peter, 83–88
“The Broken Compass,” 172. See also parenting
budgeting time. See time management
caffeine and sleep, 232. See also sleep
career development, 44
experiment design for, 21
flexible work arrangements and, 126–128
questions to ask about, 63–71. See also time management
for two-career couples, 153–160. See also relationships
Caza, Brianna, 53–62
champions, flexible work arrangements and, 113, 124–126. See also flexible work arrangements
coffee and sleep, 232. See also sleep
cognitive health and exercise, 215–220. See also self-care
communication
about personal crises, 137, 138–141
asking for help, 79–80, 140–141
with family when work gets crazy, 178–181
flexible work arrangements and, 126–128
learning to say no and, 83–88
in meaningful relationships, 150–151
with school personnel, 173–174
time management for, 78
commute time, 221–230. See also self-care
connections. See also relationships
consequences, 178–179. See also relationships
context, 178. See also relationships
control, 67, 70, 225–226. See also decision-making
cost vs. benefit analysis, 48–49. See also decision-making
coworkers
asking for help from, 140–141, 142–143
getting input from about flexible work arrangements, 105–106
sharing/communicating with, 139–140
Creary, Stephanie, 53–62
creativity and innovation
coffee and, 232
connections between identities and, 57–58
Total Leadership and, 14
two-career couples and, 156–160
days off, 95–99. See also time management
development, personal, 108–109
decision-making
about taking on new work, 63–71
cost-benefit analysis for, 48–49
determining whether you have a choice and, 67, 70
for dual-income couples, 155–156
investment/opportunity costs and, 47–48
time management and, 74
Total Leadership approach to, 7–31
dimensions of life, 7–31, 43–46
experimenting with, 9–10, 15–26
listed, 7
Total Leadership process for, 8–31
brainstorming and experimenting around, 9–10, 15–26
reflecting on, 9
Dowling, Daisy Wademan, 161–175
dual-income couples, 153–160. See also relationships
Edmondson, Amy, 187
effects, minimizing negative, 179. See also relationships
80/20 rule, 78. See also decision-making
email, 78, 133–134. See also time management
energy, 189, 202. See also self-care
engagement
intrinsic vs. extrinsic motivation and, 65
environment
changing when you’re not at work, 212–213
time off and, 99
equality vs. equity, 106. See also flexible work arrangements
exercise, 215–220. See also self-care
expectations, 180. See also relationships
determining reasonableness of, 74
realistic, 12
experiments
around flexible work arrangements, 105
identifying possibilities for, 16–23
in Total Leadership, 9–10, 11–12, 15–26
Facebook, 142. See also bereavement leave
family, 44
family study hall, 172–173. See also parenting
flexible work arrangements, 101–143
bereavement leave, 142
confidence and, 115
defining what you want in, 104–105
employee retention and, 229
experimenting with, 20, 22, 105
getting team input on, 105–106
job satisfaction and, 229
organizational benefits of, 106, 229
organizational discomfort with, 128
productivity and, 229
reasons for seeking, 117
reducing your commute and, 229
selling to the boss, 167
setting boundaries in, 134–135
setting working hours in, 132–133
staying focused in, 131–136
structuring for success, 133–134
telecommuting, 229
Total Leadership and, 20
winning support for, 103–110
focus
Total Leadership and, 19
on what to do instead of working, 210–212
working from home and, 131–136
Ford Motor Company, 107–108, 222
“The Four-Way View Test” (Friedman), 33–37
Friedman, Ron, 215–220, 231–236
Friedman, Stewart D., 2, 7–31, 33–39, 104, 106, 177–181
friendships, 9, 147–152. See also relationships
experiments in improving, 17, 37
life dimension of, 44
saying no in, 86
time management and, 46, 68, 92, 98
Total Leadership approach and, 8
working from home and, 131–132
work overload and, 73
frustration
taking a bad day home with you, 237–238
untouchable days and, 92
long-term, 43
goals
accepting limits around, 42–43
sustainable change toward, 36–37
gratitude, 234–235. See also self-care
grief, 141–142. See also flexible work arrangements
habits, 211. See also self-care
harmonious passion, 202. See also workaholics
health and well-being, 44. See also self-care
workaholics/working long hours and, 195–201
help, asking for, 79–80, 140–141
hobbies, 205. See also self-care
holistic approaches
creating connections between identities, 56–58
Total Leadership and, 14
homework, 172–173. See also parenting
identities
authenticity and, 60
complements among, 57
creating connections between, 56–57
either/or thinking about, 55–56
leveraging connections between, 57–58
integrity, Total Leadership process and, 14
interior monologues, 203. See also self-care
intrusive thoughts, 211–212. See also self-care
investment costs, 47–48. See also decision-making
isolation, 90–91, 226–227. See also untouchable days
job shares, 107–108. See also flexible work arrangements
judgment, 186
Kreamer, Anne, 138–139, 140, 141
leadership, 11. See also Total Leadership process
leaves of absence, 141–142. See also flexible work arrangements
life dimensions. See dimensions
limits. See also boundaries
explaining your, 135
loving your work, 197–201. See also workaholics
managing time. See time management
Markle, Meghan, 55–56. See also identities
material domain, 44. See also domains
meditation, 235. See also self-care
metrics
in Total Leadership process, 10
micro-vacations, 96–99. See also self-care; time management
mindfulness, 235. See also self-care
minimizing negative effects, 179. See also relationships
money
self-care and, 187
money, as motivator, 65. See also motivation
motivation
identifying your, 65
intrinsic vs. extrinsic, 64–66, 206
personal crises and, 139
workaholism and, 206
needs vs. wants, 46–47, 138, 149, 204–205. See also decision-making
negative effects, minimizing, 179. See also relationships
networking, 127–128. See also relationships
no, saying, 83–88
obligations, 64, 67, 70. See also priorities; decision-making
learning to say no and, 83–88
obsession, 193–207. See also workaholics
obsessive passion, 202. See also passion
opportunities, missing out on by saying no, 86. See also no, saying
opportunity costs, 47–48. See also decision-making
organization
experimenting with time, 22. See also time management
building a village for, 164
crisis management and, 165–166
dealing with teachers/administrators and, 173–174
delegating and, 165
in dual-career couples, 153–160
efficiency in, 165
flexible work arrangements and, 117, 142–143, 166–168
shifting your mindset from, 222–223
time management and, 69, 92, 169–175
Total Leadership approach in, 8, 37, 44
part-time work. See also flexible work arrangements
approaches to, 113
informal arrangements for, 113
strategies for successful, 111–129
passion, 197–205. See also workaholics
performance
exercise and, 218
self-care and, 187
Total Leadership and, 13
Total Leadership process and, 11–14
personal crises, 137–143. See also flexible work arrangements
planning
experimenting with, 22
for two-career couples, 153–160
for untouchable days, 90
for volunteer commitments, 171
pockets of freedom, 225–226. See also commute time
power couples, 158–159. See also relationships
priorities, 4. See also decision-making
comparing time allocation on, 33–39
exercise as, 217
flexible work arrangements and, 117–119
learning to say no and, 84
looking for gaps between actions and, 35–36
privacy, 138–139. See also personal crises
proactive mentality, 206. See also workaholics
working from home and, 229
purpose, 178. See also relationships
quitting, 166–167. See also parenting
racial identity, 55–56. See also identities
Ramarajan, Lakshmi, 53–62
reading and sleep, 234. See also sleep
reflection
experimenting with, 22
for experiments, 17
in Total Leadership, 9
regret, 148–149. See also relationships
Reid, Erin, 53–62
acting out our identities and, 58–61
benefits of, 148
challenges of today, 149
flexible work arrangements and, 127–128
self-care and, 188
steps toward more meaningful, 150–152
time off for, 98
Total Leadership and, 8, 18–20
unhealthy, 201
remorse, 179. See also relationships
respect, 113–116, 126–128. See also flexible work arrangements
Rhimes, Shonda, 53–54. See also decision-making
risk assessment, 139. See also boundaries
rituals
commuting and, 223
flexible work arrangements and, 122–124
roles, overlaps in, 4. See also identities
routines
flexible work arrangements and, 113, 122–124
rumination, 211–212. See also self-care
Sandberg, Sheryl, 142. See also bereavement leave
satisfaction
commuting and, 225
intrinsic vs. extrinsic motivation and, 65
Total Leadership and, 13
Saunders, Elizabeth Grace, 73–82, 95–99, 131–136
saying no, 83–88
school-age children, 169–175. See also parenting
school personnel, 173–174. See also parenting
scorecards, 26–28. See also Total Leadership process
segmentation, 22–23. See also domains
defining, 186
experiments and, 18
weaving into your workday, 185–191
self-determination theory, 67, 70
changing how you think about yourself, 55–58
self-management, 190. See also self-care
self-neglect, 189–190. See also self-care
self-preservation, 190. See also self-care
self-sabotage, 190. See also self-care
“shoulds,” 64, 67, 70, 186. See also decision-making
sleep, 231–236. See also self-care
spirituality, 44. See also domains
stakeholders
strengths, 163. See also relationships
stress
balancing parenting and work, 161–168
body’s responses to, 197
taking a bad day home with you, 237–238
success
exercise and, 216
having it all vs., 43
structuring your day for, 133–134
sustainable change, 36–37. See also Total Leadership process
switching off, 194, 196–197, 209–214
taking stock, 5–37. See also priorities
focusing on what’s important to you, 33–39
teachers, 173–174. See also parenting; communication
technology, taking a break from, 212. See also self-care
telecommuting, 229. See also self-care
ten Brummelhuis, Lieke, 193–207
time budgeting. See time management
time management
comparing actual vs. expected times in, 77–78
exercise and, 217
experimenting with, 22
identifying time-sinks and, 233
self-care and, 187
working long hours and, 193–207
time off, 95–99, 170–171. See also flexible work arrangements; self-care
reducing anxiety about, 213–214
time-sinks and sleep, 233. See also sleep
Total Leadership: Be a Better Leader, Have a Richer Life (Friedman), 33–34
Total Leadership process, 7–31
trade-offs, 7–31. See also decision-making
in two-career couples, 153–160. See also relationships
transparency
about personal crises, 137, 138–141
flexible work arrangements and, 113
learning to say no and, 85
routines and, 122
trust, flexible work arrangements and, 104. See also flexible work arrangements
two-career couples, 153–160. See also relationships
untouchable days, 89–94. See also time management
vacation, 95–99. See also self-care
value assessment, 46–51. See also decision making
values
Total Leadership and, 14
vision, 163–164. See also parenting
volunteer commitments, 171. See also parenting
walking, 235. See also sleep
weekend trips, 96–97. See also vacation
wins
four-way, 11–12, 15–16, 29–30, 34
Wittenberg-Cox, Avivah, 153–160
avoiding negative effects in, 201, 206–207
definition of, 195
working hours
long, workaholism vs., 193–207