Preface to the third edition

“I went to a bookstore,” says the great deadpan American comedian Steven Wright, “and I asked the saleswoman, ‘Where’s the self-help section?’ She said if she told me it would defeat the purpose.”

Welcome to the third edition of this unique, and best-selling, self-unimprovement guide™. Since the last edition a lot has happened! Ceefax, Woolworths, Big Brother, Bowie, Prince, Yellow Pages, Muhammad Ali and Grumpy Cat all left. ­Wellness, Hydration, Decluttering, Conscious Uncoupling, Self-Partnering, Self-Care, Self-Drive Cars, Mindfulness, Me Too, Meditation, Ed Sheeran, Frozen, Frozen Two, Brexit, Trump and much more – some of it very unpleasant – showed up. Emojis arrived, some even wearing face masks.

And Andy Murray eventually managed to win Wimbledon and also found his smile.

The original book published in 2002 was designed for people who wanted their personal development delivered with a sense of humour. Most of my previous readers say they found it funny, honest and useful. A minority found it annoying.

In this new edition you’ll discover that the big three changes for me in the last twenty years were not the financial crash, climate change or the growth of social media, but how I overcame depression, stopped drinking and became fit enough to run my first marathon at the age of 62. Three brand new steps are included if you want to learn how to avoid doing those things.

What else happened? Oh yes, my three kids eventually moved out and Clive the rescue cat moved in.

Oh, I nearly forgot, there was also the small matter of something called coronavirus.

How the world has changed. ‘Social distancing’, ‘lock downs’, ‘self-isolating’ and many other cheery phrases entered our everyday language. Can you believe, someone even got fired by tweet and then the following day her boss sent her a copy of my book saying she needed it! Some sort of consolation prize, that.

Many, many people continue to share with me, via social media naturally @stevemcthinking, how the guide has inspired them to take action and change something. Some changed their jobs, some changed their business, some changed their minds and some even changed their partners. Some really took to working from home. Others hated it. Many gave the book away to others, then bought another copy.

I feel the truly challenging and changing times we live in call for a much stronger word than failure. That’s why I’ve tweaked the title to something that better sums up the last few years and definitely those to come. Now you can learn how to be a complete and utter fuck-up. These days, the good news is that it’s so much easier to do than ever before. Naturally I don’t intend to be swearing throughout the whole book, just now and again, so you can still expect a lot of failure too.