Know how to listen, and you will profit even

from those who talk loudly.

Plutarch, Greek historian

Ask Questions

‘He who is afraid of asking is ashamed of learning’, says a Danish proverb. Ask not only information-seeking questions but reflective ones as well, such as: ‘Would it be true to say that you believe … ?’

Use prods and open-ended questions to draw people out, to encourage further exploration, to check facts and connections, to establish a way forward. Phrases beginning with ‘tell me’, ‘so’, ‘how’, ‘what’, ‘when’, ‘where’ and ‘why’ are more likely to get you somewhere than ‘I this’ and ‘I that’.

Weigh Your Evidence

Assertions that such and such is the case or is true should always be examined. Some assertions may be self-evident truths, but a rational person requires grounds for accepting others. What grounds for acceptance are being offered? Are they compelling or conclusive?

Watch Your Assumptions

We tend to make assumptions that are both conscious and unconscious. It is difficult to think without making assumptions, but the unconscious ones in particular can easily lead us into misinterpreting what the other person is saying.

Jumping to conclusions – assuming that we know what someone is going to say or do – is one form that this takes. Can you think of others?

Share Your Response

Finally, feel free to make suggestions, express opinions and offer solutions, as long as it is in a timely, well-judged way. What you’re having to judge is whether the moment has arrived when your contribution will be taken on board, not whether it’s an opportunity to discharge yourself of a minor frustration. This is not a recipe for bland listening denuded of your own views, but for listening effectively and comfortably.