Take each man’s censure, but reserve your judgement.

William Shakespeare, Hamlet

You should work with your critic to identify the areas for improvement, like a fellow surgeon working around an operating table. What should matter to both of you is any improvement in your common work. Nor will you be distracted by imperfections in your appointed (or self-appointed) critic: truth is truth whether it comes from the mouths of angels or barmaids. Try to be grateful in advance for what you are about to receive. The following tips could help.

Be Quiet While You Are Being Criticized and Make It Clear That You Are Listening

Whether you agree or not is an issue to be discussed later.

Under No Condition Find Fault with the Person Who Has Just Criticized You

If they have used the wrong words or got a minor fact wrong, do not overreact, wait half an hour. If you counter-attack by reciprocating the criticism – ‘Now I think about it, you come late to meetings too’ – this implies that you interpret it as an insult. Or you become so busy in marshalling your own forces for the attack that you can neglect to heed what is actually being said.

Don’t Create the Impression That the Other Person Is Destroying Your Spirit

Avoid any sign that your soul has been fractured by the criticism. It shows a lack of perspective on your part and it can appear as if you are trying to manipulate or put pressure on your interlocutor.

Don’t Try to Change the Subject

To do so is a blatant sign that you don’t want to listen, that you are not open to constructive criticism. Besides, it is discourteous.

Don’t Caricature the Complaint

If a person says you were thoughtless, don’t ascribe to them the statement that you are irresponsible and then defend yourself against a charge that has not been made. The deliberate exaggeration of a charge against you is a tactic for avoiding it.

Convey to the Other Person That You Understand Their Constructive Criticisms

Paraphrasing or using a minor question is one good way of doing this. In effect you are saying that the message is received and noted.

To receive criticism well and to act on it is the ultimate badge of the good listener. If it is unjustified, as later certified by completely impartial ‘appeal judges’, the appraisal interview can still be creatively turned into an occasion for learning humility.

If you feel that the criticism is fully justified, or at least that there is something in it for further reflection, thank your critics for their time and effort. The have done you a personal favour; they have given you a present. ‘Criticism is a study by which people grow more important and formidable at very small expense,’ concluded the writer Samuel Johnson. Can you afford to ignore such valuable and free tuition?

When a man says you are a horse laugh at him. When two men assert that you are a horse, give it a thought. And when three men say you are a horse, you had better go and buy a saddle for yourself.

Hungarian folk saying