Invitation # 3: Rational Affirmation

Ever thought about the role of cheering at an athletic event? We don’t watch in silence. But neither are our shouts of pleasure when our favorite team is winning like the sounds we might make if we sank a hole in one or won the sweepstakes. Cheering is not simply an expression of joy but also one of affirmation. Our intent is to encourage, support, and coax. When sports announcers speak of the “home field advantage,” they are acknowledging the power of affirmation as a tool for summoning courage.

“Rational affirmation” is an intentional oxymoron. Remember, evoking courage is about quieting the overactive, irrational anxiety in the protégé. Flattering the protégé with some schmaltzy, generalized “Attaboy!” will surely be considered patronizing. The protégé is likely to be thinking, “You clearly see my foibles and are just trying to be nice to me.” The goal is to communicate in a form that is accurate and clear (like the football versions of “Go defense!”) yet sunny in its nature. Affirmations should be straightforward (“You ask very good questions that make me see things in a new way”) and never contrived or backhanded.

An effective mentor invites the protégé to face the risks of learning by being a good model, engaging in judgment-free communication, and offering rational (i.e., believable) affirmation. When the protégé witnesses courage, hears the sound of courage, and feels the glow of courage, experimentation ensues and wisdom results.