Avoid Perfection

There is one point this book makes over and over: the greatest gift a mentor can give a protégé is to demonstrate authenticity and realness. Conversely, the highest barrier to learning is an environment laced with expectations of perfection and implications of “Why can’t you be as good as I am?” There’s nothing wrong with mentors showing off to protégés, as long as what they are showing is their genuineness—clay feet and all. Consider the following suggestions:

• Tape your mentoring sessions to see if they contain controlling language: “I want you to …,” “You should …,” or the patronizing royal “we,” as in “Now we must take our medicine.”

• Listen for whether you are taking as many interpersonal risks as the protégé in being real and open. Do you sound like an expert or a fellow learner? Would the protégé hear you as a schoolmarm or as an experienced colleague?

• Eliminate anything that may communicate power or distance. Mentoring from behind a desk can be far more intimidating than sitting at a forty-five-degree angle without barriers. Role or position power can be an obstacle when learning is the objective. Take steps to literally and symbolically minimize its effect.

• Be open to alternative views and unique interpretations. The path to excellence zigs and zags between extreme views. Help the protégé refine her view by honoring the extreme, while asking questions to encourage the discovery of a balanced, more effective position.

• Take the learning seriously, but not yourself. Laugh with your protégé, never at his or her mistakes. An occasional “I made that same mistake” can melt learner apprehension and promote the risk taking needed to learn.

Our bluebirds are empty-nesters at the moment. Their fledgling has no doubt joined the world of adult bluebirds and is out hunting tasty bugs, dodging curious cats, and perhaps serving as the flight instructor for a newer generation. Like the bluebirds, the final gift of the mentor is to allow the protégé the freedom to find his or her own way.