Lend a Helping Hand

The key word is “fellowship”—a word that combines the constitution of a partnership with the warmth of camaraderie. Look for ways to “be there” when your protégé has “opening night.” Remember that rehearsal is always a far cry from the reality of actual performance. Boldness within the cloistered safety of a mentoring relationship is quite different from bravery in the school of hard knocks. When your protégé is slated to engage in her or his first attempt at “flying solo,” send your good wishes and affirmation. Call after the fact to learn of the outcome. Regardless of the success or failure of the first time out, be supportive. Offer your help; do not automatically give your help. Your protégé needs to feel independent, not still saddled with a “Father knows best” Monday-morning quarterback.

If you can actually be there, assume the role of fan and cheerleader, not sideline coach. Let your protégé know you are there, feeling excited and confident. But avoid the grandstanding of the doting parent eagerly letting everyone in the stands know, “That’s my kid!”

Run appropriate interference to help ensure your protégé has a fair chance at putting his or her new learning into practice. This may entail securing support or permissions from others who may affect the protégé’s performance. A friend of ours tells the story of how an early mentor supplemented the mentoring sessions by arranging for the protégé to attend a two-day workshop with a renowned guru in the field. But the mentor did not stop there. When the protégé returned enthusiastic and full of new ideas, she was surprised to get a call from the president of the company inviting her to lunch to discuss how she might implement what she had learned. The president’s interest gave her courage to push against initial resistance of her colleagues. She learned a few years later that her mentor had suggested to the president that he give ear to her new learnings.