Chapter 11

Find Clues to Initiate Conversation

The entire random encounter process begins with your ability to initiate conversation with a complete stranger. For many of us, the biggest challenge is knowing where to begin. What should you talk about? How do you find that point of entry into the conversation? And whom should you talk to, given a room, airplane, lobby, or elevator full of people?

In the 1960s and 1970s, people placed bumper stickers on their cars to make a statement or indicate something about their circumstances, personalities, or values. Sometimes they were funny, sometimes political, sometimes very personal. In all cases, they gave insights into people, their beliefs, their likes and dislikes, and what they considered important. Thirty and forty years ago, bumper stickers said things like “Let’s All Do the Twist,” “Hug a Hippie,” “Peace and Love,” or “Nixon in ’60.” These were literally and figuratively signs of the times that indicated car owners’ personal and political inclinations.

Today’s bumper stickers say things like “Driver Carries No Cash. . .He’s Married,” “Four Out of Three People Have Trouble with Fractions,” or “Guns Don’t Kill People; Drivers With Cell Phones Do.” Like those of the 1960s, these give insights into a person’s sense of humor, interests, priorities, and even values. If you pulled up beside someone with any of these on their bumper, you would have a clue about the person, and maybe even be able to say something about their statement that resonates with them.

Although the popularity of bumper stickers has come and gone, the good news is that people often provide information about themselves in other subtle ways—through the clothes they wear, the things they carry, and what they’re doing. In these items, you can find little pieces of information that people give out about themselves, either directly or indirectly. These little gems are the golden keys for random connectors, because they unlock content you can use for initiating conversation.

The following are some ways people broadcast information about themselves that you can use to initiate and direct your conversation:

• Luggage tag with laminated business card
• Clothing with embroidered company logo
• Backpack with embossed industry affiliation or conference
• Jewelry (rings, watches, bracelets) with award, achievement insignia, or college/university affiliation
• Lapel pins with logo, flag, or other insignia
• Binder with company logo
• Pens with logo or industry identification
• Company identification on laptop cover or screen
• Magazine or book
• Conversations loud enough to overhear from more than a few feet away

I met someone who became one of the most significant business partners of my career simply by noticing his business card and using it as a conversation clue. I was building a comprehensive multimedia training program and needed some content expertise to enhance my own. The challenge was finding someone who had the right knowledge and life circumstances to be available to work on an independent contractor basis. It couldn’t be someone with a full-time job; it had to be an independent consultant-type who had the time and freedom required for the project.

Weeks went by as I tapped my network for someone who would fit that profile with no luck—until one day when I least expected it, there it was. While waiting to board a puddle jumper to western North Carolina, I saw with my very own eyes exactly what would lead me directly to what I was looking for: a business card of someone who worked for the leading sales training and development company in the country, attached to a piece of luggage and obviously belonging to one of the passengers who was boarding the plane with me. Although I wasn’t sure who it was, I knew I would find out. I scanned the faces of my fellow seatmates once I boarded the plane but couldn’t make a definite determination. I would have to watch carefully when we landed to see who would retrieve that suitcase and make contact then.

I made a point of being among the first off the plane and positioned myself near where the bags would be placed on the tarmac. When the person who belonged to the bags with the business card grabbed his luggage, I gently and politely asked if he in fact worked for the company. Yes, he did. I immediately began a line of conversation that would help me determine whether he was a candidate for my project. We chatted about the company and his role, which led to a conversation about my endeavor and the opportunity that might await him.

We worked closely together over the next two years, developing and marketing a highly successful multimedia training program. It was a business relationship born out of a complete random encounter, the result of my noticing a business card, believing I could meet the person to whom those bags belonged, putting myself close enough to make contact, and initiating conversation with a simple question.

Someone you see in a public place, such as an airport, coffee shop, hotel lobby, or any of dozens of other public venues, is more than likely receptive to meeting (to some degree). In addition, most people telegraph—sometimes blatantly, sometimes subtly—information about their availability and themselves. Someone sitting in the back of the coffee shop is probably somewhat less open and available than the person who chooses to sit in the middle or toward the front. Likewise, someone who is hunched over their computer in the corner of the hotel lobby is likely less available than the person sitting on the sectional sofa where there is room for others to sit nearby. These are subtle yet significant clues about how available someone is, and they are important guides for you as you approach your potential new acquaintance.