Chapter 27
Add Velocity to the Relationship
Once you have the rapport in place and a basis for further contact, it is up to you to keep the exchange alive. Influential people have busy lives, and the random encounter they’ve had with you may or may not stay on their minds as much as it does on yours—or as much as you would want it to. Just as massage therapists will never take their hands off their client for fear of breaking the therapeutic connection, successful random connectors will keep new relationships alive through sustained communication. It’s your job to turn your random encounter into an opportunity—and that means constantly moving the relationship, conversation, and opportunity forward.
Sometimes you part ways and make a vague agreement to be in touch again. In this case, it’s your job to stay on the other person’s radar screen as he or she returns to a fast-paced workweek. On the other hand, if you get your new contact to commit to staying in touch by agreeing to some kind of next step upon parting ways, you increase your chances of having a successful follow-up.
A lot of people talk a good game in the moment but flake out in the follow-up. It’s rare that someone actually circles back and stays in touch. So that’s how to differentiate yourself and build credibility; be the kind of person influential people want to know and with whom they want to be involved.
If there’s a specific action step, of course you will respond accordingly. If there is no agreed-upon follow-up, you can stay in touch with occasional notes, interesting links and articles, and other meaningful communication. You can simply exchange e-mails and phone conversations to maintain the relationship.
As I mentioned in the prior chapter, timing is of the essence in following up with a new random connection; you want to keep the relationship alive and leverage the opportunity. Send an e-mail within a day or two of your initial meeting telling your new friend that you enjoyed the meeting, found the conversation interesting, and learned a lot. (Or if you’re really motivated, send this message via snail mail on paper. Yes, real paper; it gets attention!) If you have a previously agreed-to action item, reference it and elaborate accordingly. Suggest yet another step.
After landing at O’Hare Airport on that flight, my new association president friend and I walked toward baggage claim. We talked about how and when I should be back in touch with him. “So what’s your schedule in the next week or two?” I asked. “Will you be around?” Wanting to increase the chances of a reply based on his preferred method of communication, I asked, “Should I drop you an e-mail or give you a call?”
He explained to me, “I’ll be at an offsite meeting for the next two days but back in my office after that. Send me an e-mail toward the end of the week and make sure you give me a link to your website. I have a meeting with the association board in two weeks and we’ll be discussing the speaker for the conference, so the timing is good. We can talk on the phone after that.”
“You got it,” I said. “I’ll be in touch accordingly.”
In this case, I immediately discovered how this new connection and I could be of service to each other, but sometimes the initial interaction doesn’t lead to a clearly defined leverage point or follow-up plan. You may discover multiple areas of leverage, or there might be none that surface initially. It might seem pushy to nail down a specific leverage point in the first interaction in some cases; in fact, sometimes the relationship will be better if it develops slowly. But whether or not you have a defined next step, it’s essential to follow up within a few days, lest the memory of your random encounter fade in the mind of your new connection.
Wait a day or two for a reply after you follow up. If you receive the kind of response you want, you are on your way to leveraging the relationship. If your e-mail or voice mail box is empty, simply make another attempt, perhaps asking if he or she received your first one. Inquire if there is anything else you can provide. If there’s still no reply, a phone call might be in order, simply to determine whether there is, in fact, something there to pursue.
Sometimes what you thought was interest by the other party might have just been empty encouragement.
However, it’s also possible that the new connection is just busy and focused elsewhere for the time being. It’s easy to assume lack of interest, believing that otherwise the person would have responded. But successful random connectors never make assumptions about the lack of a reply; they gather the facts before drawing conclusions.
Generally, people don’t reply because of one of two primary reasons: they’re temporarily too busy, in which case it’s just a timing issue, or they’re not interested. As a random connector who is following up, you will either reference the topic or action step from the initial encounter or keep the connection going by sending short e-mails focused on the relationship (for example, by asking, “How are you?” and “How are things?”). You can also send along articles, links, or other pieces of information to show you are thinking of the person and to add some value into the relationship. Here are some e-mail examples I’ve used that you can work with:
Example 1: To the industry association president, where we had a focused conversation and agreed-upon plan for follow-up
Subject line: Our meeting and possible next steps re: communication skills for your members
Hi Pat, I trust this finds you well and that you arrived safely at your final destination in Chicago. I also hope you found the last part of the book as interesting as the first. (This would remind him of our initial conversation, a part of the discussion that built a lot of rapport between us.)
(Wanting to keep that level of rapport and bring his attention to the possible business we could do together, I went on to say in the e-mail:) It was a pleasure meeting you and learning about the association and its goals for next year. We discussed how my expertise in effective communication would make an ideal presentation at the conference—providing an entertaining and educational experience for all.
If you haven’t already, please take a look at my website (www.topus.com) and then let me know how you’d like to proceed. (Putting this in the e-mail and getting him to my website would help ensure he continued to have a good impression of me.) I’d be happy to send you an outline of the presentation, or at least share some thoughts on what it could cover. (This gives him something specific to respond to.)
Again, I enjoyed the initial conversation and looking forward to our next one. (Keeping the door wide open for continued communication.)
Example 2: Follow up when someone offers to put you in touch with an influential contact
Subject line: Our conversation on shuttle and your offer for key contacts
Hi Tom. I trust this finds you well, and that you remember me from our brief “random encounter” on the car rental shuttle the other day. I hope they were able to get you the vehicle you wanted without too much trouble, and that you were able to find your way to New Jersey without too much traffic! (This comment would show that I was interested in him and that I remembered what we talked about in our initial conversation, keeping the follow-up very personal.)
(Wanting to get a specific response that would be of value to me and also reiterate how I might be able to provide value there, I said:) You were kind to offer to give me the names of the key decision makers in the residential lighting group, and I’d like to take you up on it. Can we talk later this week, or is there a better time for me to call you? I believe my program would fit well there, and it would help a lot if I knew the key players in that division. Thanks in advance for whatever you can do on this. Looking forward to your reply and with best regards in the meantime.
Example 3: When there is no specific “business” to be done or follow up on but you want to cultivate the relationship
Subject line: The people you meet in coffee shops and the essence of great leadership.
Hi Karen. I trust this finds you well. When we met the other day at Starbucks we were talking about the traits of great company leaders. Here is an article that you might find interesting . . . it was written by one of the top “leadership gurus” and has some great pointers for anyone who finds themselves in the executive “C-suite.” Note the last section about fearlessness as a key trait these days! (This kind of reference to our initial conversation and the allusion to the article would position me as a professional—someone who is aware of current market trends and who can also be of service by bringing her attention to the article.)
I enjoyed our conversation and look forward to staying in touch. Maybe we can do lunch the week after next; let me know your schedule.
Best regards until then.
These examples show the great advantage to one-way communication, as it might be much too soon to attempt a two-way real-time follow-up conversation with your new contact at this point. You probably hold “new acquaintance” status in this influential person’s mind—and a telephone call might put him or her on the spot. This kind of correspondence allows you to continue to establish your credibility and earn your way into this person’s trusted circle before asking for too much too soon.
A short e-mail or voice mail is perfect for nurturing the interpersonal relationship, restating the leverage point from the initial conversation, and/or simply demonstrating your interest and credibility. For example, I sent an e-mail telling the association president how much I enjoyed our “random encounter” on the flight, made reference to the book he was reading and how much I enjoyed hearing about it, and then restated his issues with the association and how I could be a valuable resource. And, of course, I included the link to my website.