Chapter 26

Create a Basis for Continued Contact

Making a new connection based on a feeling of mutual respect is essential to leveraging the relationship later on. As we discussed earlier, people like people who like them—or at least those who are like them. Therefore, it’s essential to align yourself with your new associate from the get-go. That means getting on that person’s wavelength, being curious about that person, and showing interest in what he or she is interested in.

To return to the story of my encounter with the association president: I, of course, asked if the book he was reading when we met on that flight was for business or pleasure. “Pleasure,” he replied. So I asked what it was about and remarked that I felt reading is a great way to relax. He agreed, with enthusiasm, and went on to tell me about how much he was enjoying the book. It was a spiritual book, something you don’t typically find in business settings and something that served as a rapport clue for me. He was revealing something about himself: that he had a spiritual side. Presumably, he was a person with ethics and integrity, motivated to live up to a high standard, and interested in improving himself. It would be easy for me to build rapport with him, because I also have a spiritual side, value self-improvement, and appreciate people who bring ethics and integrity to the business world.

“It would be a great day for corporate America if more people read books like that,” I remarked, hoping to establish a bond with him. I went on to ask, “What are the main themes in the book that can be applied to day-to-day life?” I felt that his answers would provide me with a quick and deep insight into his beliefs and value system—among the most powerful levels on which to build a connection—and would therefore make it easy for me to align with and relate to him.

Using trust, credibility, authenticity, and likability as a foundation, you can cultivate the relationship with confidence. But as you learned earlier in this book, you can’t fully leverage the connection unless you know what you want from it. You must have a goal in mind, and you can discern this by asking yourself, What opportunity does this new connection represent? Is it the person’s ability to buy from you? Can this connection’s position in his or her company grant you access to others? Does this person have the potential to hire you? Does this contact represent a gateway to new information or resources that will enhance your subject matter expertise?

Having a clear understanding of what outcome you’re hoping to achieve by making a particular connection provides focus and direction to the conversation. Without this, you don’t have a destination and won’t know where to steer the conversation. But with the right guidance and a clear intention in your mind, you can learn all the key things about your new connection. You will be finding out about your new connection as you converse, gathering information about where this person works, what he or she does, who he or she knows, where this person lives, what his or her hobbies and interests are, and anything else that will allow you to assess the possibilities for further contact—including, of course, how this person can be of value to you, and you to him or her. This is how you discover the leverage point—the sweet spot where the two of you connect to mutual profit. And when you find it, you will guide the conversation toward it—delicately.

I asked high-quality questions when I met the industry association president. I made a point of understanding what the association’s issues and challenges were and determining how he was dealing with them. But I didn’t do this until after I had built a rapport and established a level of comfort and trust. I discovered as the conversation unfolded that his company had communication problems; the industry was under increasing pressure from the public, and the association wanted its members to be ambassadors for the profession.

I began to formulate a plan in my mind as to how I could help as my new connection was giving me this information. When he mentioned that he was planning an annual conference, I envisioned myself standing in front of their members—lots of them!—while sharing the finer points of effective communication. This was my sweet spot, and in this case, my leverage point. The more he talked, the more I knew that my expertise in communication would be useful to his organization’s members as they attempted to speak on behalf of their industry. And at that point I honed in on my goal: to position myself as a potential keynote presenter at their conference.