37
11
To keep from turning off those
who can publish you, you must
not be desperate.
An agent I know was once at a large writers’ conference,
hosting a table at dinner. The table was one of dozens,
and each table was full. He was right in the middle of say-
ing something to one of the conferees when he felt a tug
on his sleeve. A woman was literally on her knees, saying,
“I beg you to be my agent. I beg you to be my agent.”
That’s desperation.
He did not become her agent.
A well-known editor with a big publishing house
reported the following: “During the cesarean section
birth of my daughter twelve years ago, I sat perched on
a stool, gloved and gowned, next to a chatty anesthesi-
ologist. As the operation got underway she asked about
my job. Once she heard, she didn’t hesitate to pitch a
picture-book idea at me. I still remember that it involved
some multimedia musical tie-in and that it went on for
a while. It was midnight and we had been in the hospi-
tal for twelve hours already, and I was too frazzled and
freaked out to have the sense to shut her down.”
That’s desperation.
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38
No sale.
There are many ways a writer can give off the scent of
desperation. And believe me, agents and editors can pick
up that scent from a distance of three hundred yards.
When they smell it, they mentally spray themselves with
repellent that puts up an instant protective shield.
Horror stories about inappropriate pitches are legion
among editors.
Such as the limo driver who, instead of heading to
the airport, went to a dark, empty lot, stopped, and in-
sisted the editor read his screenplay. The editor thought
she was going to be killed.
Or the editor who went to her sister’s wedding re-
hearsal dinner and was seated between two priests. The
one on the right pitched his children’s story to her, while
the one on the left kept insisting she had to publish it.
Or the slipped-under-the-bathroom-stall gambit
that has happened more than once. I have an editor
friend who is prepared for this. He says he will simply
remove the fi rst page and slip the manuscript back with
this note scribbled on it: Thank you. Your manuscript has
met my needs at this time.
Editors and agents want to deal with professionals.
A professional is someone who knows the proper pitch
and submission processes.
Act like a professional, and then you may become one.
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