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55
Do not miss the opportunity
to warm up your third-person
point of view.
Third-person point of view (POV) means everything is
fi ltered through a character’s head. The author keeps all
thoughts and perceptions inside that character. In a “close”
third-person novel, only one character is given this nar-
rative platform. In “open” third-person, more than one
character can be utilized—though it’s best to limit POV to
one character per scene (the “viewpoint character.”)
Do not waste your third-person POV by making it
sound like you, the author. Get deep into the head of
the viewpoint character. Notice the difference between
these two renditions:
Cool, Detached
Charlotte lifted her eyes, and in the mirror she
could see two boys. Neither looked more than fi f-
teen or sixteen. They may even have seemed like
mere children trying to appear older. Each held a
can of beer, even though it was against the rules.
Both were bare from the waist up. One wore a
towel around his waist, and fl ip-fl ops. He had soft
skin. The other wore khaki shorts and boots. He
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175
was lean, with a large nose. He put his beer to his
lips. Leaned his head back, and took a long drink.
When he was fi nished, he doubled over, trembled,
and said loudly, “It tastes so good when it hits
your lips!”
Warm, Inside
Charlotte lifted her eyes, and in the mirror she
could see two boys—mere boys! Neither looked
more than fi fteen or sixteen! Babies dropping their
voices a couple of octaves in a desperate desire to
sound like men! Each had a can of beer in his hand.
But this was not allowed! Both were bare from the
waste up. One wore a towel around his waist, only
that and fl ip-fl ops. He had such a tender coating
of baby fat over his cheeks, neck, and torso, it
made Charlotte think of diapers and talcum pow-
der. The other wore khaki shorts and boots. He
was the leaner of the two but still at that mooncalf
stage in which the nose looks enormous because
the chin hasn’t caught up with it yet. He threw his
head back, lifted the can to his mouth, tilted it
almost straight up, drank for what seemed like for-
ever with his Adam’s apple pumping up and down
like a piston, then jackknifed his body and shook
all over, as if in ecstasy, and cried out, “IT TASTES
SO GOOD WHEN IT HITS YOUR LIPS!”
—I Am Charlotte Simmons by Tom Wolfe
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176
In the second version, Wolfe uses heightened language,
exclamation points and even capitals (a mark of his par-
ticular style) to render what the scene looks like to a naïve
freshman in a coed dorm bathroom for the fi rst time.
Another way to warm up your third-person POV is
to make sure you fi nd ways to fi lter all stimuli through
the character.
For example, a student of mine opened her novel
like this:
Borden Glover held in his clutch and shifted
his unibike into fourth gear. He wove through traf-
fi c on the new coast highway. The ocean surged
along the bank.
Now, we know we are in Borden’s head. Yet that last
line is rather cool. It works, but can we warm it up?
Borden Glover held in his clutch and shifted
his unibike into fourth gear. He wove through traf-
fi c on the new coast highway, watching the ocean
surge along the bank.
This small change warms up the POV. You can even
give it more heat:
He wove through traffic on the new coast
highway, loving the sound and surge of the ocean
along the bank.
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177
Do these small changes make any real difference to
the reader?
Yes, in ways they don’t even realize. The accumula-
tion of these small changes adds up to a much stronger
reading experience.
That’s really what all these tips and techniques are
about, accumulating those little beats that, when added
together, give a full and satisfying effect.
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