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Turn envy into energy
and more words.
Envy is a nasty beast that seems to haunt the lives of
most writers. As Anne Lamott observes in Bird by Bird:
… If you continue to write, you are probably
going to have to deal with [jealousy], because
some wonderful, dazzling successes are going to
happen for some of the most awful, angry, un-
deserving writers you know—people who are, in
other words, not you.
…
You are going to feel awful beyond words. You
are going to have a number of days in a row where
you hate everyone and don’t believe in anything.
If you do know the author whose turn it is, he
or she will inevitably say that it will be your turn
next, which is what the bride always says to you
at each successive wedding, while you grow older
and more decayed. It can wreak just the tiniest
bit of havoc with your self-esteem to fi nd that you
are hoping for small bad things to happen to this
friend—for, say, her head to blow up.
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Envy has three sides.
The fi rst is positive. It shows you care about your
writing. If you don’t have some emotions wrapped up in
your enterprise, you’re a zombie.
The second side is negative. It is an attack on your
self-esteem. It messes with your insides and, at its worst,
can keep you from writing.
The third side is poisonous. This form of envy is ac-
tually an undeserved attack on another person. This will
diminish your humanity and make you a worse writer.
So when envy happens, acknowledge the good. You
care about what you do.
Every time a friend succeeds, I die a little.
—Gore Vidal
But then, “Do not waste the remainder of thy life in
thoughts about what other people are doing.” That advice
comes from Marcus Aurelius, a pretty good writer and
emperor. You think he wasted time envying Epictetus?
Work and focus are what you need. If envy hits you
hard, I’ll allow you an hour to feel it for all it’s worth.
Call a friend or loved one and talk it out.
But after one hour, get back to the keyboard or writ-
ing pad and produce some words.
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