108 / TAKING UP YOUR LEADERSHIP ROLE
Working at relationships
Telling stories
We each carry in our heads our own
stories—the narratives we have
constructed over the years to make
sense of our collected experiences,
emotions, habits, and thoughts.
These stories bias our perspective
in all new situations and may push
us toward embracing the future
or—conversely—constrain our actions.
Relationships are built by exchanging
these stories with other people we meet.
As we tell our stories, we disclose more
about ourselves, our backgrounds, roles,
and beliefs—and create new, emergent
stories. Just as individuals have their
own stories, so do organizations;
these stories encompass the history
and values of that organization and
describe how they get things done.
From your earliest days as a leader, you will need to build relationships
with your team and a range of stakeholders throughout the organization.
The ability to understand and influence people is a key skill, and thinking
of relationships in terms of “stories” gives you some tools to analyze
and control your interactions.
Do the stories convey
a strong moral code,
judgments, or beliefs?
Relationships are built by
exchanging stories. Just
as individuals have their own
stories, so do organizations
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WORKING AT RELATIONSHIPS / 109
Listening to stories
By listening analytically to a
person’s story, you may be able
to understand why they want to
work with you and what their
motivations are likely to be.
Stories also point to ways of
negotiating successfully with
individuals or companies, and
even indicate whether a joint
venture may succeed. Leaders
who fail to take full account of a
person’s or an organization’s
past thoughts, culture, actions,
and aspirations—as well as
what they observe in the present
moment—can find themselves
facing a culture clash they had
not anticipated.
LISTEN TO THE
SUBTEXT
Listen for recurrent patterns
in peoples’ stories. What
do they tell you about the
way they relate to others,
their modes of thinking,
biases, and barriers?
Tip
Do the stories place the
individual in a particular
role—hero, participant, or
victim, for example?
Are the stories explorative and
adventurous, or conservative, focused on
maintaining equilibrium?
Do the stories make or break
connections between things?
Are the stories mostly
set in the past, present,
or future?
Do the stories express
themselves in
protective jargon?
Do the stories
claim particular
skills for the
individual?
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110 / TAKING UP YOUR LEADERSHIP ROLE
•
I win, you win This person wants to
collaborate. He or she is concerned
for both parties’ needs and wants
to reach consensus or use lateral
thinking to explore a better solution
so that everyone wins. Leaders
and organizations like this are
good at building new narratives
about new possibilities.
Learning from stories
By listening to the stories told by
people—and by organizations—you
can gain an insight into what types of
relationships they will tend to form.
By understanding the very nature
of the relationship, you will be able
to modify your own behavior to the
best advantage. Most people—and
indeed organizations—tend to fit
into one of four main categories
of relationship-building:
•
I win, you lose This person has a
need to control or compete. Their
main reason for wanting a relationship
with you is to achieve their own goals.
Their concern is primarily for their
own interests and they will bargain
you down so that they achieve more.
•
I lose, you win This person needs
to belong and will prioritize the
relationship above their own interests.
They will always try to accommodate
your wishes if you state them clearly
and offer goodwill gestures.
•
I lose, you lose This person has a
strong desire to avoid conflict—indeed
this is their primary concern in any
relationship. They may focus on
trivial issues to avoid areas of
potential disagreement.
KEEP TALKING
Keep dialogue open with
all stakeholders. Sound
relationships—and new
stories—are built layer
by layer through a series
of conversations that ask
questions as well as
offering answers.
Tip
Most people fit into one of
four main categories
of relationship-building
HOW MUCH OF A STAKE DO THEY
HAVE IN THE PROJECT?
HIGHLOW
Case study
MERGING CULTURES
A merger between an international
company (A) and a smaller, but
dynamic national company (B)
was jeopardized when rumors
emerged that the merger would be
accompanied by redundancies in B.
The directors of both companies
failed to conduct an open exchange
of company stories, and did not
discuss how both cultures would
align to a new joint story after the
merger. Planned communication
was replaced by stories exchanged
informally on the grapevine, which
were overly pessimistic.
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WORKING AT RELATIONSHIPS / 111
OUTSIDERS
These people are a low
priority; however, you
should regularly inform
them about progress to
manage expectations.
POSSIBLE ADVOCATES
Stay close to this group at
all times and keep them
well informed. They can
help your cause and ward
off possible sabotage.
INSIDERS
Consult closely with this
group when setting your
goals and schedules.
Ensure these people’s
needs are represented.
POSSIBLE SABOTEURS
These people have little
to lose by being disruptive.
Forge close relations
with them: monitor their
sentiments and actions.
Analyzing stakeholders
Pinpointing key relationships
You cannot hope to forge a strong
relationship with everyone in your
organization. As a leader, you need
to concentrate your efforts on key
stakeholders—those people who have
the biggest investment in a project, or
whose influence can help or hinder
progress. To identify key stakeholders,
start by asking yourself and your team
who will gain or lose the most from your
actions, and who is in a position to affect
success. Be sure to consider internal and
external parties, including suppliers,
customers, directors, and in-house
departments. Next, plot all the
stakeholders on a chart, similar to
that below, so you can more clearly
assess the importance and type of
relationship you should establish
with each type of stakeholder.
Who will gain or lose from
your actions, and who is in a
position to affect success?
HOW MUCH OF A STAKE DO THEY
HAVE IN THE PROJECT?
HOW MUCH INFLUENCE DO THEY HAVE?
HIGH
HIGH
LOW
LOW
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