196 / IMPROVING YOUR SKILLS
Letting the person speak
Putting your case calmly
Standing your ground
Breathing slowly and deeply
Interrupting
Getting over-emotional
Becoming argumentative
Taking it personally
CONDUCTING A MEETING
Do’s
Don’ts
Dealing with difficult people
A difficult person could be someone who is genuinely obstructive or just
an individual who sees the world differently from you. In either case, to
manage difficult behavior, you first need to gain an understanding of the
person, and then employ a set of tactics to manage the situation.
Planning for resolution
You can’t change a difficult person by
being difficult yourself. You have to set
a target for the situation or relationship
you wish to achieve, and then create a
strategy to reach that goal. The approach
you take will depend on the situation,
the person, and the type of behavior.
One option is to call a private meeting
with the difficult individual.
Discussing the situation
Select a location to meet in a place
where you won’t be disturbed or noticed
by colleagues. Prepare what you want
to say and how you will say it. Tell the
person how you see the main issues
and problem, logically and without
emotion. Ask how the individual sees it
and don’t interrupt, even if you disagree.
Ask for solutions and, finally, add some
ways in which you think the problems
might be resolved.
Facing up to conflict
Truly difficult people are difficult with
everyone. Few will fail to notice their
behavior, so it is important to face any
conflict rather that allowing it to fester
and affect the whole team. It is important
to keep in mind that you need to act and
not let the conflict affect you deeply. If
the other person becomes threatening
or abusive, walk away with dignity,
saying you will consider the situation
and get back to them.
ACT EARLY
Tackle difficult behavior as
soon as it becomes evident—
the longer you leave it, the
harder it becomes to cope
with, and it may affect other
members of the team.
Tip
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DEALING WITH DIFFICULT PEOPLE / 197
Strategies for difficult behaviors
TYPE OF
BEHAVIOR
COPING STRATEGY
Keep positive—avoid being dragged down to their level
Point out earlier instances where your suggestion has
worked
Put their “trouble-spotting” talents to good
use on a project of their own
Allow silences, rather than filling gaps in the
conversation
Get them to talk by asking open questions to which they
can’t answer just “yes” or “no”
If you can’t get them talking, call the meeting to a halt.
Explain that nothing is being achieved and propose
another meeting or course of action. Ask them to
consider how the situation might be resolved
Let them express their anger
Try to empathize
When they have calmed down, find the real cause
and possible solutions
Tell them how they are seen by other team members
Explain what team membership requires
Point out how their strengths can help the team
Without dampening their enthusiasm, ask why
something hasn’t been completed
Help them understand how to get things done
Restrict their workload
Negative
Complains and
disagrees with
everything
Unresponsive
Uses silence
as an offensive
weapon
Overpowering
Uses anger as an
offensive weapon
Wants to “go
it alone”
Doesn’t see
themself as part
of the team
Shows
enthusiasm
but few results
Underachieves
repeatedly
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