204 / BECOMING MORE EFFECTIVE
Being confident
Confidence is precious. It enables you to do what you want to do without
constant fear of failure, or even despite fear on some occasions, and to
maintain your sense of self-worth and not be dependent on what other
people think. If you’re confident, you can take center stage when you
want—you don’t always have to linger in the background.
Thinking positive
The first step in building your confidence
is to pay attention to what you’re thinking.
Concentrate on your positive thoughts.
It’s very easy to focus on the negative.
You probably find that when you have
been given feedback, at your appraisal
perhaps, you concentrate solely on the
one negative comment even though
there were five positive comments.
Creating good thoughts
To help overcome this, build a bank of
achievements and positive comments
that you can contemplate and reflect
on whenever you feel uncertain about
yourself and your abilities. Take some
time to yourself and sit down with a pen
and paper, and answer the following
simple questions:
•
What have I achieved in the last year
and in the last five years?
•
What am I most proud of? What did
it feel like when I did it?
•
What am I good at? Create a list
of your talents and skills.
•
What compliments have I received
from others?
Concentrate solely on the positives of
each situation, don’t let negative “but”
thoughts creep in. Commit the answers
to your “achievement bank” and draw
on them in moments of doubt.
Pay attention to what you’re
thinking. Concentrate on
your positive thoughts
Focusing on others can
create an increase in
confidence of up to
67%
What have I achieved
in the last year and in
the last five years?
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BEING CONFIDENT / 205
Case study
DRAWING ON EXPERIENCE
A young executive was given the
authority by his boss, the group
managing director, to negotiate
the purchase of a company. This
in itself was a daunting task, but,
arriving at the meeting with a
partner from the company’s
lawyers as his only colleague, he
was ushered into a room to find
11 people sitting opposite. The
owners of the company he was
buying were there, as were their
accountants, tax advisors, and
lawyers, and three merchant
bankers. For an instant, he was
totally overwhelmed. Then he
remembered an industrial relations
negotiating course he had attended
a few years before. He recalled
how he had handled that situation
successfully, his confidence
immediately returned, and he
successfully negotiated the deal.
What compliments
have I received
from others?
What am I most proud
of? What did it feel
like when I did it?
What am I
good at?
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206 / BECOMING MORE EFFECTIVE
Managing thoughts
Most of us have a voice in our heads
telling us to be careful and stopping
us from doing things that would cause
harm to ourselves. The same voice can
also prevent us from doing new things
and progressing: “If you do this, you’ll
make a fool of yourself. Let someone
else do it.” When you hear that voice,
ask yourself: “What’s the worst that can
happen if I do this?”, “How likely is that
to happen?”, and “What’s the best that
can happen?” In most cases you will
find the good outweighs the bad, and
you should go ahead. If not, at least you
will have evaluated the risk logically
and assessed whether it is one you
are prepared to take.
Looking confident
It is also important to build confidence
on the outside—how you appear to
others. Even if you don’t feel it, “acting”
confident can have an effect on both
you and those around you. If you have
a confident demeanor, you are more
likely to be treated like a confident
person by others. This will reinforce
your self-belief and help you feel
more confident in yourself.
All of us get into bad habits, whether
it’s slouching in our seat, forgetting
to acknowledge people when we meet
them, or not taking enough care over
our appearance. Take a moment to think
about the image you portray—is it one
of a confident and professional person?
CHECKLIST...
YES NO
Appearing confident
1 Do I maintain good posture? (An upright posture, keeping your
shoulders down and your neck relaxed, makes you look and
sound confident.) ..............................................................................
2 Do I control my breathing when I’m nervous? (Fast, shallow
breaths make you light-headed and raise the pitch of your
voice, betraying your lack of confidence.) .......................................
3 Do I avoid closed body language, such as crossing my arms,
and instead use open gestures and occupy the space around
me as if I own it? ...............................................................................
4 Do I sit comfortably rather than rigidly, avoiding jerky
movements and fighting the urge to fidget? ..................................
5 Do I always dress neatly and appropriately and feel
comfortable in what I wear? ............................................................
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BEING CONFIDENT / 207
years may
be added to
the lifespans
of people with
positive thoughts
7
happen?”
“What’s the
that can
best
If you have a confident
demeanor, you are
more likely to be treated
like a confident
person by others
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