Truth 11. You could be your own worst employee

By the time most of us reach the place in our careers where we have the privilege of managing other people, we have already been subject to a variety of management styles. Few of us are lucky enough to have worked only for inspired, inspiring, wise, mentally healthy supervisors. Maybe your first “supervisor” was an overly strict parent who made you feel defensive and judged at every turn. Or maybe an early boss felt that his duty was to put you through the school of hard knocks—you know, toughen you up a little bit. Or maybe there’s a boss in your past who followed every new management fad, only to drop it abruptly when the strain of upholding the fad’s principles became too hard.

None of us can expect to go through an entire career completely unscarred by bosses’ misguided behaviors and assumptions. If you’ve been supremely observant, you’ve probably developed a long list of “don’t do’s” as you’ve witnessed (or experienced directly) how disengaging some boss behaviors can be. But still, you’re only human, and you probably absorbed some wrong lessons along the way. As a result, you have likely picked up some limiting beliefs about people.

You don’t have to be a psychoanalyst to know when your beliefs are getting in your way. Watch the way your employees behave around you. There’s high turnover. Your meetings are stonily silent rather than wildly collaborative free-for-alls. You keep facing the same types of problems, even though the employees are different. Your department is infused with worry, distrust, politics, and turf battles. You find that you have to do an inordinate amount of micromanagement and coaching.

The worst performer on your team could be you.

The worst performer on your team could be you. If any of the following beliefs sound familiar, you may be unconsciously letting them drive the way you treat your people:

• They’ll get over it.

Seemingly insignificant, fleeting moments—like coming to work irritable one day and not saying good morning—can have lasting consequences. A grumpy mumble from you could be nothing more than just pre-coffee crankiness, but it could signal to your employees that their job is at risk. An overreaction? Probably. But even if it is, they won’t just “get over it.” Not, that is, until you take a moment to clean it up. Apologize.

• My team is here to make me look good.

As true as that principle may be, that belief will make you a terrible leader. Turn that belief around and remind yourself that you’re there to make your team look good. Take care of your employees, and you’ll inspire trust, innovation, confidence, and above-and-beyond-the-call-of-duty dedication among all your employees. And that will, ultimately, make you look very good.

• I’m not a bully; I just believe that tough love works best.

When did tough love actually work with you—other than scare you into action and make you think that your boss was an arrogant, cruel, mind-bending jackass? Your job isn’t to love your employees, either tough love or real love. Your mission is to lead your employees and inspire them to love their jobs, but not at the cost of their peace of mind.

• If the idea was any good, someone would have already thought of it.

In truly engaged teams, members can come forward with new ideas for doing a job better or providing better customer service or engineering a new breakthrough product. Maybe someone already did think of the idea before but was afraid to bring it forward to your predecessor. Or maybe the idea’s first iteration was proposed at the wrong time—but now the market has changed and there’s more money for research and development. Times change. Even old ideas have the chance to take on a fresh life. Welcome all ideas uncritically. That new Big Idea would actually be an old one whose time has come, coming from your department of creative geniuses.

• I didn’t have it perfect as I was coming up. If my employees don’t like the way I treat them, they can just quit. They’re easy to replace.

You’re even easier to replace. Companies are getting better at releasing supervisors who won’t release their past beliefs to grow into better managers.