Seven Transformative DISC Principles

In matters of style, swim with the current.
In matters of principle, stand like a rock.

—Thomas Jefferson

This section features seven DISC principles that will deepen your understanding of how to best internalize and apply the styles. Taken collectively, these principles provide a complete framework for understanding how the DISC can positively impact your life.

Principle 1—Understand Your Own Style

According to Aristotle, “Knowing yourself is the beginning of all wisdom.” Why is this so important? Numerous studies indicate that individuals who score high in self-awareness are happier and achieve greater success than those who lack it. Self-awareness enables people to build their lives around their strengths and better manage their challenges.

Example: Jennifer worked in a customer service department where she handled incoming calls. Her role involved patiently listening to customer issues, sympathizing with their perspective, and processing their complaints through a complex database. Before long, Jennifer felt as though she were repeating the same call over and over again. Although the job itself wasn’t challenging, she found herself exhausted and stressed at the end of each day.

Following a DISC training program, Jennifer realized why she was so unhappy: She was a D working in an S job. Today, she is still at the company but now thrives as a sales representative where she sets and pursues competitive goals with passion and perseverance. In sales, Jennifer can take risks and use her direct and assertive nature to get results. Not only does she love her new position, but her company has benefited twice: first by filling Jennifer’s former job with an S who enjoys empathetically helping people, and again by placing Jennifer in a style-appropriate role.

Have you ever known someone who consistently struggles with his or her career or has had many contentious relationships? Having worked with thousands of people from all walks of life, we see this scenario on a regular basis. The common denominator is often that these individuals are out of touch with their own behavioral styles. Consequently, they make critically important personal and professional decisions without considering how their brains are wired.

Have you ever been in a situation that you believe should be easy for you, but for some reason it is overwhelming or challenging? Maybe you accepted an interim job simply to pay the bills after a layoff. Perhaps you assumed a volunteer role because you believe in a cause, but the tasks involved were far more taxing than you imagined. Or maybe you took on new responsibilities at work that you believed would lead you to the next level but you found an aspect of the new job simply exhausting.

Knowing ourselves and paying close attention to situations where we either feel energized or exhausted can help us make decisions that enable our strengths to shine and minimize situations that rely too heavily upon our weaknesses.

Principle 2—Recognize the Styles of Others

Sun Tzu said, “If you know the enemy and know yourself, you need not fear a hundred battles.”

So how do you identify others’ styles? Just ask yourself these questions: Are they fast-paced or even-paced? Are they outgoing or reserved? Are they detail-oriented or big-picture? Are they risk-takers or cautious? Are they planned or spontaneous? Each answer fills in a piece of the style puzzle.

The more you practice answering these questions about people, the more intuitive you will become in recognizing the styles of others. In time, you’ll be able to identify styles with ease. In fact, we’ll bet that you’ve already developed people-reading skills. Let’s give it a try. What styles best define the following people: Donald Trump, Robin Williams, Princess Diana, and Bill Gates? Think about it for just a moment before you read on.

If you said D, I, S, and C, respectively, you’re well on your way to recognizing the styles.

In our daily lives, being skilled in “people-reading” enables you to better leverage other people’s strengths.

For example, consider Maria. She is a reserved, soft-spoken S. She needed to purchase a new car but dreaded the idea of bargaining with a salesperson. While speaking with her sister, Jane, she realized that Jane’s persuasive I style would be more adept at haggling for a great deal than her own S style. In the end, Jane got Maria a great price on the car and was even energized by the experience. Maria was relieved and grateful that she didn’t have to negotiate the deal.

By recognizing the styles of others, you can leverage each others’ strengths. In doing so, you utilize the power of the DISC styles to create true partnerships. Whether it’s a coworker, spouse, child, or friend, understanding others is the foundation for strong relationships, better results, and a more fulfilling life.

Principle 3—Think About Style When Establishing Expectations

We all view the world through the lens of our own behavioral styles. Consequently, each one of us has expectations that are driven by our own style rather than by the styles of others. For example, we expect others to like what we like and need what we need. We assume people can do what we can do, and they will react as we would react. And we assume that the people in our lives understand our needs and will fulfill them...without our having to express them. After all, shouldn’t they already know what we want?

Example: Jasmine and Steve worked in adjacent cubicles at a major bank. The problem was that Steve played his music too loudly—or at least that’s what Jasmine thought. A strong D, Steve assumed that if Jasmine didn’t like his music, she’d pop her head over his cubicle and say so. But she never mentioned it. In reality, Jasmine, a strong S, had been stewing over his apparent lack of respect. “He must know it bothers me,” she thought, “but he obviously doesn’t care.”

Weeks passed, and Jasmine grew increasingly annoyed. She complained to her husband, who suggested that she talk to Steve, but she was reluctant. “He should know better and just stop playing the music!” she protested. Another week passed, and finally Jasmine couldn’t take it anymore and decided to give Steve a piece of her mind. “How do you concentrate with that music?” she asked, to which he replied, “I like it.”

This only frustrated Jasmine even more.

Both Jasmine and Steve were trapped in their styles, unable to see the others’ perspectives. Steve thought that if the music bothered Jasmine, she would just tell him. And why not? For a D, it’s no big deal to address issues directly because they don’t perceive direct communication as conflict, but as simply making a request. It’s not an argument, it’s a conversation.

As for Jasmine, her S-guided sensitivity couldn’t relate to how Steve was behaving because she would never do such a thing. Yet she was not about to start a conflict with someone—especially over music. Besides, in her mind, she did address it with him, and she didn’t want him to feel attacked.

Of course, Jasmine’s indirect request lacked the assertiveness that would spur Steve to act. D’s are direct about their needs and expect others to be direct as well. They don’t perceive a direct statement as an attack. They actually appreciate the direct action or language. They expect it.

Unrealistic expectations lead to disappointment, poor results, ineffective decision making, increased conflict, and resentment. Fortunately, style awareness allows you to establish realistic expectations. By understanding your own style, recognizing the styles of others, and establishing expectations based upon what others need, both parties are likely to get their needs met.

Principle 4—Consider Intention, Not Just Behavior

We judge ourselves by our intentions and others by their actions. However, by better understanding the intentions of others, we can prevent misinterpretation and take the sting out of actions that could otherwise feel hurtful.

Example: One morning, Jake, a marketing executive, called George, his associate, into his office to delegate a critical project. Following their 90-minute meeting, Jake, true to his C style, felt confident that George had all of the information he needed to be successful. George, an I, felt quite differently. Jake had restricted him with so many processes and details that there was no room for George to think for himself or create something new. He left feeling frustrated and resentful.

“Why doesn’t Jake just do it himself?” George thought. “After a year in this job, he still doesn’t trust me or else he would have simply handed off the project and let me figure it out. What a micromanager.” Soon after, George began looking for another job.

What happened in this situation? By not understanding his boss’s style, George incorrectly assumed Jake’s intent. In actuality, Jake trusted George completely. That’s why he selected him to lead such an important project. His goal was simply to ensure that George had all of the tools he needed to be successful. Had Jake recognized George’s style, he would have simply stated the goal, outlined the project, and let George move forward as he saw fit.

As for George, if he understood that Jake’s intention was really just to be helpful, he wouldn’t have felt micromanaged and mistrusted.

The DISC model is a powerful tool for understanding intentions and recognizing the source of behaviors that might otherwise irritate you. However, just because you understand someone’s intent doesn’t mean that you should tolerate disrespect, poor quality, or failure to achieve results. Positive intentions do not justify using style as a weapon. Jake shouldn’t excuse his behavior by saying, “I’m a C and that means I provide a lot of information and structure. Deal with it.”

People usually aim to satisfy their own needs, not to push your buttons. In other words, they do things for themselves, not against you. So the next time you experience a difficult conversation or engage in conflict, consider that you may be misreading the other person’s intention.

Principle 5—Use Your Strengths but Don’t Overuse Them

Too much of a good thing is not a good thing. When a strength is overused, it becomes a weakness. And while each of the DISC styles is inherently positive, when carried to an extreme, any style can become a disadvantage.

Example: Kate, a strong C, walked through her front door with six bags of groceries and a plan. It was 9:00 a.m., and 18 guests would be arriving later that afternoon for their annual holiday dinner.

Although Kate had several days to prepare for the event, she used a good deal of that time to organize the menu and identify tasks that needed to be accomplished to get the house in order. When she was finally ready to put her plan into action, she had a long list of to-dos and little time to implement them.

As soon as she reached the kitchen, Kate’s husband, Mark—an intuitive I—immediately sensed her stress level and offered, “Relax, babe. It’s just my parents and my sisters’ families. What can we do to help?”

Kate was already feeling overwhelmed. In the past, she had delegated tasks to Mark, but they were rarely done according to her standards, and it usually meant that she had to do them herself anyway. She was reluctant to take him up on his offer to assist, but with so much to be done she asked him to set the dining room table. Off he went. A few minutes later Mark returned with a cheerful, “What’s next?”

Skeptical that he could finish so quickly, Kate went in to inspect, sighed, and simply said, “Don’t worry, I’ll do it.”

“But it’s already done,” Mark thought to himself as he raised his hands in confusion. Evidently, he had used the wrong tablecloth and napkins for this holiday, put the water glasses on the incorrect side, placed trivets in the wrong places, and didn’t consider that two of the kids shouldn’t receive the fine china.

“They won’t care,” comforted Mark. “It’s my family. This looks fine.”

“Just straighten up the living room and I’ll fix the dining room.”

By 1:30 p.m., Kate moved quickly from one task to the next, as she sensed the impending arrival of her guests. There was still much to be done: rosemary chicken, sweet potatoes, and asparagus in the oven, a pot of homemade tomato bisque on the stovetop, and a half-completed salad on the counter.

Mark, trying to stay out of the line of fire, approached the kitchen to check Kate’s progress. “Hey, we’re almost ready,” he declared.

“Almost ready?” Kate shot back with a glare. “Do you know how much more we have to do? All of the food needs to be placed in the right dishes. The counters need to be wiped clean. The living room is still a mess!”

Nevertheless, by the time the guests arrived, all of the pieces were in place. Afterward, Mark’s mother commented, “Everything was wonderful. What a lovely evening.”

However, as Kate reflected on the night, her stomach tightened. She had forgotten to serve one of the desserts, the soup was a bit salty, and she failed to replace the tablecloth that Mark incorrectly put on the dining room table. “If only Mark would have been more helpful,” she thought.

Kate’s C enabled her to organize a beautiful dinner. However, the tight deadline caused by her excessive planning drove Kate to overuse her style, and she became stressed and inflexible. By seeking perfection, she elevated both her and her husband’s stress level over an event that was supposed to be enjoyable. Instead of accepting help to reduce her stress, Kate alienated her partner by being overly critical. In the end, the meal was a success, but at a high emotional cost.

Although some people overuse their style on a regular basis, most of us overdo it during times of stress or uncertainty. Style excess can also be driven by emotionally charged situations or dysfunctional relationships. But no matter the cause, too much of any style creates added stress for everyone involved. Here’s a brief overview of the darker side, or overuse, of style.

When D’s overuse their style, their interpersonal skills take a back seat to achieving results. Their directness turns blunt, abrasive, and insensitive. In the extreme, the D’s take-charge mind-set becomes overly demanding and domineering. Their confidence degenerates to stubborn, closed-minded arrogance as they steamroll over anyone who interferes with achieving their objectives.

When I’s overuse their style, their optimism can lead to unrealistic, impractical ideas, where gut feelings take precedence over reality and their enthusiasm comes across as superficial. Lacking essential facts and details, I’s can lean on exaggeration and manipulation to persuade others. Under stress, I’s often appear disorganized, manage their time poorly, and simply try to talk their way out of difficult situations instead of executing the plan.

When S’s overuse their style, their need for harmony leads to an avoidance of difficult conversations and healthy conflict. Their deep comfort with the status quo can also lead to complacency and a resistance to change. This causes them to become passive and dependent. When S’s don’t get their needs met, they can become resentful and develop a victim mentality. In overuse mode, S’s simply wait for instruction from others and therefore appear fearful and unsure of themselves.

When C’s overuse their style, their drive for quality and structure degenerates into perfectionism. They become so picky and critical that nothing meets their standards or gets accomplished. This makes them seem indecisive and rigid. Their need to question everything can lead to pessimism and resistance to new ideas. Their intense focus on the task can blind them to healthy delegation opportunities and place significant pressure on C’s to do everything themselves.

Principle 6—Apply the Right Style at the Right Time

In the fable, Xavier understood that adaptability was the key to survival. Being a chameleon, he adjusted naturally to his surroundings and connected with everyone. In our own lives, we too can reap the benefits of accurately reading people and situations and then tapping into the right style at the right time. When we don’t, we fail to meet objectives and are surprised by how others perceive us.

Example: It was a big day for Spencer, who was about to lead a sales presentation that could result in significant revenues for his firm. Joanne, the company president, greeted him with a quick handshake and said, “Tell me about your organization and what you can do for us.”

Spencer opened with his professional background and a brief overview of his company. His primary objective was to establish rapport. After all, his strength was in building relationships.

It didn’t take long for Spencer to discover that he had grown up just a town away from Joanne. They swapped childhood stories and reminisced about the good old days.

Next, Spencer unveiled a dazzling PowerPoint presentation that featured eye-popping graphics and a compelling vision. Joanne smiled throughout. Spencer closed by reassuring Joanne that his company had worked on many projects of this magnitude and that they would do a great job if selected. Driving back to the office, he felt he had made a strong impression.

One week later, Spencer was devastated to learn that a competitor had won the account. Joanne remarked to Spencer’s boss that while he gave an energetic and appealing presentation, it didn’t inspire her confidence that the job would get done. She wanted steak, and all he delivered was sizzle. Joanne had wanted to learn more about his company could do, not about Spencer.

Spencer’s mistake: He treated Joanne like a fellow I when she was, in fact, a D. His failure to read her style correctly and adapt to it, created a losing situation from the start.

Most people have one style that they use too often and one that they don’t use enough. Each style is needed at one time or another. The key is to be flexible enough to exhibit the right style at the right time.

Principle 7—Treat Others How They Need to Be Treated, Not How You Need to Be Treated (The “Home Rule”)

We’re all familiar with the Golden Rule—treat others the way you want to be treated. This universal principle can be traced back to a wide range of world cultures and religions. The Golden Rule is the foundation for meaningful relationships and cohesive societies when expressed through timeless values such as honesty, integrity, and respect.

However, as we learned in principle #5 about overuse, anything carried to an extreme can become a detriment. The Golden Rule is so ingrained in our thinking that we apply it universally...and that gets us into trouble. The “Home Rule” that we learned in the birds’ story—treat others the way they need to be treated—is a much more effective strategy when it comes to communication and working together to achieve shared outcomes.

Example: Bashir, VP of Information Technology at a large insurance company, sought to roll out a major software upgrade throughout the organization. A year prior, however, his predecessor had experienced massive struggles with a very similar project, leading to cost overruns and disapproval from senior management. Working with the same staff, whose memory of the previous debacle was still fresh, Bashir needed this project to run smoothly.

To achieve a high level of buy-in, Bashir resisted a natural tendency to communicate solely within his S style. Instead, he intuitively recognized the need to connect with the full range of styles represented by his staff. One department at a time, Bashir gathered employees to explain the new system, fluidly adapting to each of the four styles like a chameleon.

When Bashir opened with, “Here’s the executive summary,” he immediately captured the D’s attention by providing the bottom-line impact. For the I’s, he turned on the enthusiasm: “You’re going to love this system. It’s cutting-edge...better than anything you’ve ever seen!” They left feeling excited and eager to use the new system. Bashir validated the S’s perspective by revealing his own resistance to change: “I realize that this represents a big transition and that might be stressful, so we’ll be offering support throughout the process to allay concerns as they arise.” To address the C’s priorities, who were feverishly taking notes on the PowerPoint handout, Bashir spoke in a measured tone and laid out a comprehensive, coherent plan. He encouraged them to ask questions and patiently answered each one. They emerged confident that the new system was well thought-out.

Bashir left each meeting feeling a bit drained, as he had worked outside of his style for much of the time. But it was worth it. He had created an army of change agents who had bought into the new system. After meeting with Bashir, the D’s got the bottom line, the I’s were energized, the S’s were reassured, and the C’s got the specifics they needed. The upgrade was implemented with great ease and minimal stress for everyone involved.

As Danish physicist Niels Bohr noted, “The opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth.” So it is with the Golden Rule and the Home Rule. Both reinforce the notion that we should honor people for who they are and respect their needs and differences.